


INFINITE DOMINANCE

by Lyrayeager



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-03-19 00:57:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 54,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13693527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyrayeager/pseuds/Lyrayeager
Summary: Infinite love, infinite passion, infinite dominance; Perhaps that was all it took to mend a abhorrent heart, to tame a wild spirit, to fix a shattered, infringed human being, to love and to obey. Infinite Love, infinite passion, infinite dominance, was all it took to consume Mikasa's pride, dignity- Her reputation, Her common sense. Mikasa never thought, once, in her fucked up life, that she'd seek out solemnly to the eyes of her own teacher- Mr. Jaeger. Who would have thought, that the most popular female on college grounds, would have such Lewd, dirty secrets? Such secrets, that leave her weak and powerless, to Eren Jaeger.





	1. Chapter 1

The dewy winter air bites my skin like a hungry pack of wolves. My breath hot and moist against the December winds-Contrasting against the tanned-brown bricks of the college building.

It's my first year at Trost university, my first time being at a college at all.

Iv'e heard of colleges, and things about them-facts about them...But iv'e never actually seen one in person, much less been inside one. At least...Not one this large, or wide.

I don't really mind school, or, I don't care for it. Yes, i want my education, but at the same time- I just wish that school, itself, didn't exist.

The red flowers seek out of their bushes, of greens and teals- And it looks beautiful, how the red intrigues alongside the leaves. It's funny...How two completely different colors can blend so well together.

How can two opposite things... Be so damn similar? I know the thing about the magnets and how opposite poles could attract to one-another, but i find it so strange that...things like this, exist.

As i'm walking forward, i'm examining my instances, my surroundings. The steel, gray-sliver train struts across the streets behind me, taking loud clangs and ringing bells right along with it.

The loud cries the train makes runs across to it's destination-not looking back for anything, anything at all. Not even a simple glance.

Two teenage girl and boys listen to something on their headphones- I'm assuming it's music, only from the way they sway flabbily, rocking and stomping feet, padding against the cold, bloodless trod of snow patched.

The female on the right side of the male, has long chestnut brown hair; tied into a neat, bold ponytail, with two bangs pushed out on either side. her attire consisted of; a navy blue skirt, with ankle length white socks- which blended within the snow, a short sleeved peach colored uniform shirt and a navy blue sweater matching with her uniform skirt, and some dark black gloves.

The male on the left side of the female, had a gray shaved one-guard, with lemon-brown colored eyes, a long sleeved peach colored uniform shirt, and shin length black khakis. also, some low-toe shoes, that resembles L.L sheepskin. 

I feel like...I've seen those two people before...

No, it's just me. i haven't seen those people ever before in my...Life.

I look over some ways away from me, to see a bunch of buff guys and tall girls just hanging around the entrance near the school.

One of the guys' had some weird sort of haircut; peach-blonde colored hair, a long face...That resembled...something. A white Low-wrist length uniform shirt extends both his slender arms.

As for the others, i don't really care- it isn't any of my business, so, i'll stay out of it and ignore their appearances.

After observing and taking glances over items and so much people, i got to the school's entrance faster than expected.

From up close, i can see the crystal clear doors, and the dancing shadows- outputting itself from lingering college students.

From up close, i can hear the mindful murmurs of parents and teachers.

From up close, i can hear my heartbeat reverberate through the doors i lament on.

Being up close, being so close to a place i don't know what could harbor.

My fear of this gigantic building, filled with nothingness- But a bunch of useless teenagers who have yet to learn the viles of life, but still complain on their own individual notions.

No normal human being has seen what i seen. no mere emotion escapes me, seeps throughout me. 

No one knows what it's like... To feel empty like this, broken like this. To have your own parents-

No. i won't think about that. Not now. 

I open the crystal doors of the large building in front of me, enlightened to a smell of Castella, some Anmitsu fruits, and what seems like... Sweet milk-tea?

The deliciously tremendous aroma entices and fills my nostrils to the brink of my sanity- it smells so wonderful- all the Japanese sweets mixed into a limb, which counterattacks mankind's senses.

I hadn't even eaten any breakfast before i left my apartment this morning, and the delectable, mouthwatering smell of fruits, baked cake bread, and sweet drink, weren't exactly helping.

Not to mention the way the school's warm air sizzled me, thawing the frostbite daring to nibble on both my hands.

Even though the smell, and the air, all felt so natural to me, i know i shouldn't let it get to me-

I can't help but feel as if...Maybe, maybe just maybe, this won't be as hard as last year in highschool was.

i continue to walk forward, completely ignoring the delicate smell that inspired me to actually eat breakfast this morning, and heading straight to my first class. 

I pulled out the small, thin beige piece of scratch paper that i had recently drawn my schedule on from online, out of the small patch on the side of my bag-

and proceeded to get to my own destination-

''Watch were your going, Idiot.'' 

I got up, quickly, from the hard polished floor, only to be met with a cold-faced blonde, with narrow icy blue eyes. A face... That seems...Familiar...

I've seen this girl before...-

''Holy shit. Is that you, Ackerman?'' the familiar blonde headed asked me, gasping out of surprise on my arrival. 

Ackerman? How does she know my last-

Wait a minute... i know why i remember this icy face, and this light blonde hair. 

''Annie?! Oh, my god...Annie!'' I say, a bit too loudly, causing other students and teachers to turn our way.

Normally, i wouldn't get too excited- But this was Annie. Annie Leonhardt.

''The only one around. It's nice to see you again, i thought you weren't all for the whole 'college thing'' She says, and asks and walks forward, gesturing for me to follow suite behind her.

No, i really wouldn't get too excited for anyone else. or, maybe even care. But again-

''Not really-But if i want to get into my dream job, then this is the path i must follow. Anyway, it's nice to see you, too.'' I explain, as i start to walk with her to-

''You and i have first course together, so we might as well walk together.'' Annie tells me, we strut to our first class and talk about what we wanted to be in life, more like, our dream jobs.

But again, This is Annie. 

Annie Leonhardt- My very best friend.

_______________________________

''Mr. Jaeger, are you sure your okay with being an assistant, and not an official teacher? There are some spots available for you-''

''No thanks. I don't really think i'm all that ready to be something official, yet.'' Mr. Jaeger tells the principle in sitting in front of him, observing.

''Alright then. Your application is submitted, and you will start working in class 6-1 with an official teacher, named Levi Ackerman, who will guide you through your essences. He be your guidance.'' Principle Erwin Smith explains Mr. Jaeger, handing him the reports of his status.

''So basically, you mean, i'm going to be baby-sat while trying to work?'' Mr. Jaeger asks, taking both his hands off the table.

''Now, Mr. Jaeger, i wouldn't call it that-'' but his sentence cut short, as the harsh ravenette cut him off-

''Erwin. You want me to guide this insecure brat?'' The man: Levi Ackerman; spoke up, both hands folded across his chest, as he leans to against the door.

''Levi, i do believe for all those kids in your class, your going to need some assistance. Especially, if you want your little Mikasa to achieve proper learning techniques-'' Once more, Principle Erwin's sentence is put to shame, as the intimidating Levi continued on.-

'' _Erwin_. I can teach her by myself, i don't need a immature brat, to-''

''Levi! You already know what the borders are going to think-''

''Screw that. It doesn't matter-''

''Yes, it does, they will think that your giving her special attention, because your related!''

''Tch. why would i care what they think?'' Levi asks Erwin, not opening or flinching his eyes once to look up at any of them.

''You _will_ care, if it involves Mikasa. Now take Mr. Jaeger on to class, sothat he can get started.''

Erwin asks, then continues to sort through applications, as Levi Tchs again and walking away from the door where he stood.

Mr. Jaeger didn't really want to follow the older man in front of him, but he didn't want to piss him off anymore than he already did- so he just followed.

________________________________________________

Some time later, they were almost to where they were supposed to be

And a awkward silence beamed the hall-

''So, uh...How long have you been...A teacher?'' Mr. Jaeger asks the harsh ravenette, as he ignores his question and doubles his speed.

''For some years.'' the ravenette explains, only after a few seconds of not answering.

''That's uh.. That's nice..So, about..Earlier, Who were you guys talking about?'' Jaeger asks the man, as yet again, he takes his sweet time to answer.

''Mikasa.'' is all he says, as they turn the corner of the hall-

''Mikasa? Who's that-''

''A girl.Don't get any ideas, champ.'' says Levi-

''Uh..Yes sir.'' Eren applies, not questioning him any more than he already has.

something tells him, that Levi wasn't up for too much questions. so he decides to keep his mouth shut- which is a real problem for him.

______________________________________

''Everyone, shush! Mr. Ackerman is coming!'' a cheery girl with long dandelion blonde hair and light blue eyes yells to the class, as they all start fanning around to their desks.

Mikasa and Annie sit next to each other, talking about old flames that were recently put out, when the name of ''Ackerman'' strut her attention-

''Good morning brats. Sit down, pay attention, so we can get this day over with already.'' the scary ravenette acquires out of boredom, to the group of ''brats'' awaiting.

''Who's that? he looks hot.'' says a girl with wood-peach colored short curly hair, pointing to the smiling german.

''Mikasa. You look bored, amuse yourself here.'' Annie tells Mikasa, smirking with a grin as well.

''This is Eren Jaeger, and this little shit will be helping me throughout a few classes- get used to it.'' Mr. Ackerman sighs, sitting down at his desk after writing ''Brats'' on the white board.

gasps fled the rooms, the way he cursed, but easily set aside for Eren to introduce himself.

''Well, there isn't really anything about me that's important, except that i really like Coffee jelly, and coffee...But my name is Eren Jaeger, and it's a pleasure to meet you all.'' Eren exclaims to the class, as all the females start clapping, and some of the guys root.

But Mikasa just stares blankly as Annie cheers beside her.

Eren takes a seat far beside Levi, as the desk itself is wide ranged.

just a minute later, the two are back standing up in front of the class, making statements Mikasa doesn't care about.

''Things are different now, things wont be the same- You are all in college, so don't expect this to be a cake walk-'' Mr. Ackerman states, as Eren continues the statement.

''In other words, It's time. A time for a change!'' Eren revolts, as the class starts cheering and clapping, standing up and rooting.

Perhaps it is time for something to change, maybe this year wont be the same as the last.

Well then. If there's a change. then Mikasa will gladly accept!

 

 


	2. No Day But Today...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This day is just too much for Eren Yeager.

''Everyone, Quiet down now- Class is in session!'' Mr. Ackerman yells aloud to the class, banging his red Expo marker against the wooden desk right in front of him.

All the teens in the class quieted down immediately, scooting back away to sit at their desks'.

Mikasa didn't stand and cheer for the new ''teacher'', so there was no apparent reason for her to go back to her desk- she were already there.

After the people in the class all settled down, Mr. Ackerman had trotted back to the board to write out the schedule for today, which consisted of-

''Lunch at...ten forty five?!'' Disclaimed a nice, tall, shy teenage boy.

''Hush it, kid.'' Mr. Ackerman states, roughly putting the cap back onto the marker.

When the boy grumbled and took his seat, Mr. Ackerman picked up a stack of papers from his desk, that Mikasa never noticed was there, he began passing them around the class.

Making his way- trotting his way, rather out of boredom, passing out the unknown papers. Once he reached Mikasa's desk, he paused- taking in the features on her face.

Mikasa had grown since the last time Levi saw her- looked more mature. She had mid-back length black hair, beautiful dark purplish eyes, thick and pink glossy lips-

She had changed since the last time he saw her- She looked much more beautiful than before.

He knew that Mikasa wasn't his little girl anymore, that she wasn't the sweet little four year old he had grown accustomed to- She wasn't the same little girl he'd taken to the amusement parks, or the public library, or the swimming pool, or the-

Never mind. He couldn't think about the old, ancient times that had once been here- that had proven to be the golden days.

But those days are gone.

Mikasa is now a grown woman, with breasts and curves, with a life awaiting her- Her own dream job waiting at the doorstep for her.

He just stares, with low, sad eyes at the girl in front of him- whilst she looks away, towards the window. completely oblivious she is.

''Ahem.'' Mr. Jaeger ''coughs'' aloud, causing the ravenette Mr. Ackerman to turn his way with a glare, though the girl didn't even flinch one bit.

Mr. Ackerman decided to ignore it, turning back to the female-

''Mikasa, How have you been-''

''There are other people in this class that you can ask.''

Mr. Ackerman sighs, putting one hand under his chin.

''Yes, correct but I wanted to know how you've been.''

Everyone, including Mr. Jaeger, turned around to where the voices were coming from-

''Levi,-''

''It's Mr. Ackerman''

''Mr. Ackerman, iv'e been great. Considering the fact that my parents have died-''

Sounds of surprise and fear run across the room, as now everyone listens to the conversation at hand

''Mikasa...-''

''If you would have just done your damn job and protected them in the first place, we wouldn't be having this conversation.'' Mikasa explains, turning her face completely to the man in front of her, with bored, uninterested eyes.

If no one was surprised at first, there were no words to describe how shocked they were now.

All eyes on Mikasa and Mr. Ackerman.

The room is silent for a little while, Stares and papers flood the room.

Mr. Jaeger's eyes land on every single student in the room, and none of the faces that his eyes land on stick out-

Except for one face, a face so beautiful- it's scary.

She looks so pretty- so sexy. The way her eyes glow in the sunlight.

The way her hair cups her face, perfectly.

The way her the upper part of her breasts pop out from her short ever so slightly-

No, he must not think in such a way for his student.

Today's gonna be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I was just too lazy for this chapterrr~   
> forgive me!


	3. Uncertain Tendencies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up. The tendencies are uncertain.

''T-touch me....'' she whimpers, Implanting her long and filed nails into the palm of Eren's hand- as he towers over her-

He does as told, and inserts two fingers into her most sensitive area.

she moans, once more, in pleasure-

''Eren..'' she weakly whispers

''Eren'' 

''Eren'' she moans-

''EREN!'' the male voice yells, causing Eren to nearly jump out of his own skin-

''Buddy, it's time to wake up!'' the male voice says.

When Eren finally opened his sleepy, tired eyes, he realized that Armin was awaiting by his door, banging on the alreasy scratched and tattered wood.

Not only that, but he soon takes note of his surroundings, noticing how Mikasa had vanished-

That he were just dreaming.

He just awoke from a rather dirty dream-

Who was he kidding? The dream was completely lucid! lewd, even.

But he wasn't ashamed of his dirty, dirty thoughts about his fellow student.

In fact, he wants more and more of her-

''Eren. Goddammit. Get up!'' Armin indicated, Now halfway across the hall, and out of Eren's bedroom.

Armin would always come to Eren's apartment to wake him up- cause' he knew that Eren wouldn't get up on his own, much less get up and head to work.

And while Eren was thankful, he... Would rather much be at home by himself.

Well, Armin knows why he'd want to be by himself.

and... to be frank, he'd really rather not think about that reason- for the sake of his appetite.

Eren removed himself from his, now wet, silky covers and out of his bed-

only to be greeted with a sticky substance sticking itself between his legs, and on his Cock

Not commenting about it, he had decided to just pick his work uniform from the carpeted floor, and reveal himself to a nice, hot shower.

___________________________________

Thinking back on his dream whilst he bathe, he couldn't help but remember the look on Mikasa's face-

it was a look of nothing but want, nothing but Lust.

And her body- which he didn't know what it really looked like, for he hasn't seen it.

Yet.

Upon hearing Armin screaming, almost falling down the stairs, and cursing, he decided it were time to get out, and get dressed.

____________________________

''Eren, Seriously, you have got to start waking the hell up.'' Armin spoke, turning the steering wheel in the left direction.

''What do you mean?'' Eren asked, though he knew exactly what his friend were inquiring.

''You slept through the alarm clock, and because you overslept, you missed out on teaching you're first period class!'' Armin recounted, looking at Eren through the rear-view mirror.

''I...Was busy last night..'' Eren expressed- trailing his sentence off.

''Busy? Yeah right. Doing what?'' Armin vowels, raising his voice.

''Grading papers-''

''Grading papers? really?'' 

''Look, I was too busy... Reading..''

''Reading what?''

''A book!''

''Eren, I know you. And i know you don't like reading- much less, books.''

''Armin..-''

Armin turns the steering wheel into the College parking lot. not taking his eyes off the road for one second.

''Eren, don't lie to me. Just, tell me.'' Armin uttered to his best friend.

''It's just....''

''Spit it out, Eren.''

Eren sighs, Accepting his defeat.

''Mikasa has been driving me crazy all week-''

''Mikasa?'' Armin asks

''Lemme' finish-''

''Who's Mikasa?'' Armin curiously demands.

''She's a girl-''

Eren pauses, looking out of the window on his side- He sees Her.

Her.

''You never answered my question.'' Armin says aloud

''She's right there-''

''Where?'' Armin asks, cutting off Eren's sentence once again-

''There!'' Eren ululated, pointing his fingers at a certain beauty with ravenette hair.

''I don't see her-Oh, there she is...'' Armin disputed.

''That's her. That's Mikasa Ackerman.'' Eren proclaims.

''How has she been driving you crazy?'' Armin asks, though he very much knows the answer.

He just wants to tease Eren about it.

''...She's a handful-''

''She looks nice.''

''Yeah.. But she's a trouble maker..-''

''She doesn't look like one.''

''Well-''

''She's thick..''

''Yes she is. But-''

''So you agree that she's hot?'' Armin teases, nudging Eren with his elbow.

''Well, of course I do. How could you not want to stick your... Y'know, inside her?'' Eren asks, looking Armin dead in his eyes.

''...Eren, that's.. I cant even..'' Armin sighs, finally turning off the car and removing his keys.

''Just look at her.'' Eren says, as he and armin indeed look at her.

_________________________

 

Mikasa is bored. She truly, truly is.

Bored of Jean.

Bored of his corny jokes.

Bored of his voice.

Bored of Him.

He'd been telling her stupid stories, about his history- and dumb jokes about his family.

How; when he's sober, he doesn't like certain things.

And, honest to god, she's fucking bored.

Jean truly is a boring person. 

Even in general.

''And then, there was this one time I-''

''Okay- Jean. That's enough.'' Mikasa calmly states.

''R-right.. Yeah, sorry..'' Jean apologizes, walking with Mikasa to-

''Jean. I have to go, could you not follow me any further?'' Mikasa coldy asks the taller male.

''We have third period together... With Mr. Jaeger.'' Jean says, His tone turns cold when he says the last few words.

''I'm aware of that, yes. But.. I have to go.''

''Go where, Mikasa?''

''Jean it isn't you're business.'' 

''It is! I care about you, Mikasa!''

Somehow, jean backed her into an empty classroom-

''Jean, seriously, stop.'' Mikasa says, not giving a damn about the situation-

you see, Mikasa can and will beat his ass- She could break his bones.

But the thing is, she's afraid of what her step-father would do to her.

Last time she got into a fight with someone, Her step-dad....

well, she'd rather not relive that memory- that disaster.

''No! for the last two weeks, you have been running away from me!'' He says- or rather, shouted.

''Jean you are being ridiculous.'' She says, trying to walk out of the doorway-

''You aren't leaving. Not until you talk to me.'' 

''Jean, move. Please.'' 

''You're gonna' pay attention to me, now! he exclaims, grabbing the nearest object- a snow globe- and throwing it to the ground, smashing it.

''Don't make me do this, jean... Don't make me do this, Don't make me, don't make me. Don't!-''

''What's lot going on in here? Levi asks bluntly, as a crowd of shocked and confused students stand shook at the doorway. Along with Mr. Jaeger, as well as Armin.

''M-mr ackerman?!'' jean screeches, not literally. 

''Mind explaining what's going on, Mikasa?''

She says nothing, she doesn't even show any sign of her caring. She just glares, Harshly at Levi.

''Explain, now.'' 

''What do you want me to say?'' she asks-

''I want you to explain-''

''Explain what? What the hell is there to explain?!''

''For example; Why is there broken glass sheering the floor? Example two; why are you two in here alone?''

''Mr. A-ackerman I can explain!''

''I'm not asking you, dip-shit.''

''Y-yes sir!''

The class stare, still confused, but engaged in the topic.

Eren can't keep his eyes off of Mikasa- and her intimidating beauty.

He's... Picturing things in his head that no human being should even think about.

Oh, the things he wants to do to her.

Armin, on the other hand, wants to know why Mikasa is upset-

because, even tho her face is stoic, he knows she's hiding her true feelings.

''No answer, huh?'' 

''I don't know what you want me to say, Levi.''

''Tell me now. it isn't the time for games, Mikasa.'' Levi sighs, folding his arms.

''As you can see, we are all standing around like idiots, there's broken glass on the floor- from when I came into the room, and accidentally knocked it down. Any more questions?''

''...That isn't-''

Her phone beeps, once.

Then again.

Then again.

She nervously pulls it out of her Mini pocket on the side of her hand held back-pack:

NEW MESSAGE;

Unknown_Contact_Number: Hey sexy. You know what time it is. Meet me around back at exactly ten-thirty-one A.M. I'll be waitin' babe.

 

After reading the message, she thought she were going to cry.

She absolutely hated herself for doing this.

it was enough trouble at home- and this only added to the long list of her problems

she sighs a shaky, nervous breath and puts her phone away before-

''What was that?'' Levi asks, as the bell rings, and people hurry around her to get to their own desks.

Jean had already sat down before Levi questioned him any further.

Armin and Eren stayed, for Eren had to help teach the class-

as for Armin, he was being the class surveillance for the hour.

''It was my phone!'' Mikasa says, a little above her usual voice, sounding as if she were going to cry.

''I have to go-''

''Go where?'' Armin suddenly asked, causing Eren to look at him as if he were a ghost.

Mikasa looks up at him, with almost-teary eyes- as her lips quiver.

''T-to the office for... My new schedule..-''

''Mikasa... What's wrong?'' Levi asks her, opening his eyes finally.

''Nothing-''

Her phone beeps again.

and again.

and again.

But this time, it isn't a text message she receives, but a call.

from an ''unknown'' contact number.

but she knows exactly who He is.

ruffling nervously through her bag pocket, the phone goes to automatic voicemail.

Her finger brushes passed the 'play' button- as the message plays itself aloud and audible-

''Mikasa, where the hell are you?! You haven't answered my calls or replied to my texts! You better not be bailing out on me, bitch! I'm a horny guy, Y'know, I need you're P-''

Finally finding the 'stop' button, she didn't hesitate to press it.

At this point, the whole class is looking at her again, though some had left- to get to their next class- they only stayed in third period for ten minutes, then they move on.

Armin, now sitting with his clipboard, looks at Mikasa, worriedly.

Eren, feels some sort of envy inside of him. But mostly, anger.

Whoever that guy was; had no damn right to call her a bitch.

''Mikasa, who was that?'' Levi asks her yet again.

''I've got to go, now.'' she shouts, brushing past Eren roughly, and running toward the schools' entrance.

As she does, a piece of paper falls loose onto his polished shoes.

He picks it up, and was going to give it to her, but he stopped midway when he read the first thing his eyes stumbled on-

The paper read:

Mikasa, baby, talk to me. You haven't been a very good girl lately, and you need to be taught a lesson. You don't want you're daddy to get upset again, do you? No, I wouldn't like that. so just c'mere already! You do want this money, do you? then just ride me and BAM! you'll get a lifetime supply! My exact measurements are 9, 5, and 3. (P.s, my cock is nine inches, but we'll make it fit, babe.) 

Eren felt truly disgusted, envious, and angry.

Who was this guy? and what did he want with Mikasa... well, that's obvious- what he wants.

He wasn't going to read anymore, and instead trash the lewd paper, but-

he saw information. valuable. information:

You said you forgot my contact info babe', So here's my phone number and email~

phone number: 995-550-9595

Email: littlegirl_Porn101

Just text me, baby~

Was what the note read.

Eren were truly disgusted, and he wanted to find out who this guy was-

''Eren!'' Armin yells, shaking Eren's shoulders.

Eren looks at armin, rather angrily, and heads out of the classroom- hearing the bell.

Armin knew Eren were angry, so he best keep his questions to himself.

-Eren wanted to find out who that sick bastard was. And he had just the perfect way to do that.

He decided that he'll do it tonight, at his comforting home.

___________________________________________________

''You are late Mikasa.'' The man with the axe explains, walking from the darkened alley-way, and into the light.

''I told you not to call me while i'm at school!'' Mikasa yells coldly.

''That's what happens when you don't answer my fucking texts.''

''Bullshit! You're voicemail-''

''not my problem, sexy.'' he says, dropping his axe, and pushing her roughly against the brick wall, running his hands all over her.

''...No..''

''No?'' the man asks her-

''I- don't want... this.'' She moans lightly, as his hands teases her nipples softly-

And she hates it. she fucking hates herself for it!

She's allowing herself to this pedophile- She's allowing herself to moan at his touches. 

Why? Why?

why why why why why why why why why?!

''Ah, but you're clearly enjoying this... You're moans are my boiling point..'' The man whispers, looking mikasa in the eyes.

Why?

''No... I...'' her moans increase, as he rolls his overgrown tongue over her nipples.

Why?

''Don't fight it, Mikasa. just let me make you feel good.'' He rants.

Mom?!

''S-stop...'' Mikasa whimpers, pushing him off of her breasts.- or trying to.

Dad?!

''Come on, take these off babe..'' He says, sticking his large fingers into her panties-

Why? Why am I doing this?! 

Mikasa moans loudly, as his fingers rub her clit over and over and over again.

She did this to herself. Now, she has to deal with it.

____________________________________________

The bell rings, and the college students enter the what was once empty room.

Everyone arrives on time.

Everyone except Mikasa Ackerman.

When she enters, the class is quiet.

Her facial emotion, as usual, remains stoic and bored.

Armin, who was participating in watching the class to take notes, and give them to principle Erwin Smith, Watched as mikasa calmly took her seat and began to look off into the distance.

Eren, who had literally dropped his chalk stick upon her entering the room, looked at her- and thought about the note he read earlier that she had dropped when she stormed out of the classroom.

He felt disgusted, at her.

She didn't need to have sex just to have sex..

That was the reason.. Right?

Brushing away the thought, he picked up the chalk he dropped, and continued to teach-

though, he kept glancing back at her, 

at her breasts, at her beauty, at the way her-

No. not again. He doesn't need to think about her like that again-

He already has a hardened erection from looking at her through multiple times of the day.

as hard as he is now, he'd probably be able to set of metal detectors. 

It's possible.

And if there was one... Well. He'd be in deep trouble.

Armin had been doing the same- except he wasn't thinking about fucking her.

He had been truly worried about her.

Throughout the whole time, since she had walked in, She had been looking off into the distant- not at anything in particular.

She looked really... Dead?

Armin didn't even know her till' Eren ''introduced'' her to him- but he knew that this wasn't normal.

Her eyes didn't really contain any color, and looked really blurred out-

''Mikasa, what is the prime composition of the three factors?'' Mr. Ackerman asked, as Eren wrote the question on the board- chalk board.

But she didn't even answer. she's still staring off into the distant. 

Tears flow freely from her blurry eyes, but her body is still in the same position as it was when she sat down. 

The tears flow heavily, but she isn't even moving.

It's like, she's a statue with water flowing from her eyes.

''Mikasa, What's wrong?!'' Levi asked, moving to her desk and shaking her shoulders violently.

''Mikasa!''

She cries and cries and cries. But doesn't move.

Desperate times calm for drastic messures.

So he walks to the side of her desk, and lifts her up into his arms.

''Jaeger, continue to teach the class.'' Levi collectedly states, as he holds Mikasa in his arms.

''W-where are you going?!'' Eren asks levi as he's halfway out of the door.

''To the nurse. Now watch the damn class.'' 

''Yes, sir.'' Eren gulps.

So he teaches the class. 

Armin takes notes.

and it goes on.

_____________

Levi had left Mikasa to rest, but not without placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Levi knew he wasn't her father- but he wish that she would just talk to him sometimes.

He loves her. He loves her like his own daughter.

And would do whatever it took to protect her from the evil things in life.

So... He took her phone, from her school bag.

So that he could confiscate it. 

Because he was not going to go home without finding out who that strange person-man- was who called her.

 

Mikasa awoke, wiping her eyes from the dry tears embedding her face.

The nurse had returned with two chocolate chip cookies, and a glass of water, and set them at Mikasa's bedside table.

''How are you feeling? The assistant nurse, Mrs. Nanaba asked Mikasa, taking a seat at her desk.

Mikasa, who was now confused about the question, shook her head.

''What...happened?'' She asks smoothly.

''You had a severe attack of Congenital insensitivity, or other known as; congenital analgesia.'' Nanaba says, typing things onto her computer-

''That means... sensitivity to pain..'' Mikasa confusedly states.

''Yep. you were bleeding...down..there-''

''Please. Don't finish that sentence..'' Mikasa whispers, clutching her fists into her skirt.

''Mikasa, Did you have sex with anyone lately?'' Nanaba asks, now looking at mikasa.

Mikasa had been so confused, and tired- that she didn't realize that Eren and Armin were sitting in the corner of the room, waiting to escort her back-

''Nanaba, you shouldn't ask so straightforward!'' Armin worriedly yells.

''I need to know.'' Nanaba simply says.

''Yes, but-''

''No! I.. I didn't.. That's not... That isn't me!'' Mikasa lamented, clutching her skirt even more. trying to keep the tears inside.

''Calm down, Mikasa. It's okay.'' Armin reassures.

''One last question, Mikasa;'' Armin says, coming to sit beside her.

''When did you have sex this week?'' Nanaba asks-

Mikasa's lips quiver.

She's on the verge of crying- letting all her emotions out.

''I-I didn't have sex at all...'' Mikasa whispers looking in another direction of the room.

''Mikasa, I ask that you don't lie. It's for your health.'' Nanaba explains.

''Nanaba, please!'' Armin exclaims.

Eren is still quiet- as if he were just a shadow in the room.

He didn't really know what to say-

''Mikasa, you won't be in trouble...'' Nanaba trails off as a suggestion pops into her head-

''Were you raped?'' Nanaba asks, a tone of worry in her voice.

Armin sighs, but asks Mikasa if she did indeed get raped as well.

''What? No!-''

''Don't lie-''

''It doesn't matter!'' Mikasa shouted loudly, making everyone in the room look at her with questionable faces.

''What?'' Eren finally speaks up.

''What do you mean?'' Armin asks-

''It doesn't matter...-''

''It does matter, now answer her question'' Levi says coldly, stepping completely into the room.

''Levi, just drop it.- Mikasa, i'm sending you home for the day.'' Nanaba explains.

''The hell you are. Mikasa, answer the question-''

''I can't go home-'' Mikasa trys to say-

''Mr. Ackerman, with all due respect, she needs her rest-'' Nanaba furies-

''So? she can rest here.'' Levi says-

''I'm can't go home... I can't go home... I can't... I can't..'' Mikasa says over and over and over again-

''Mikasa needs her rest, Mr. Ackerman.'' Armin states.

''...He's right.'' Nanaba says.

''Forget it. Send her home- but not after she sees Eren right now.'' He leaves the room, along with Armin and Nanaba-

Leaving Eren with Mikasa all alone.

Armin closes the door behind him once he leaves the room. 

Then there were two left.

_______________________

Mikasa just sits there, thinking about what she'd have to face at home-

''So, Mikasa.'' Eren says sitting close to her on the bed.

She looks at him, and when he looks into her beautiful orbs, he sees himself.

He sees her blurred eyes and he sees her emotions.

so he uses that to his advantage.

Right now, it's very hard for him to sit still, for his hard erection proves bothersome.

He's trying very hard to keep his hands away from her face, her body.

God, he just wants to touch her.

All week, she had been giving him hard erections with her short uniform skirts, and her beautiful, stoic face.

She makes him so weak, yet so very powerful-

''What did I do wrong?'' She asks, looking back at her laps.

''...Well, you did some bad things, today.'' Eren slithers, scooting even closer to Mikasa.

He then pulls a photo from his pocket, and put it atop of Mikasa's right thigh.

And when she does look at the photo- she nearly falls of the bed-

''W-where'd you get this?!'' She asks, shaking out of fear.

''That isn't important, Mikasa.'' He breathes, placing his hands just above her thigh.

She'd been crying all day, doing.. Things all day.. she was so weak now- she couldn't do anything.

''Why do you have.. This?'' She cries, as tears fall freely fro her eyes as she looks at him.

''What were you doing with that man, Mikasa? Eren asks, as his erection grows painful.

''I...-''

''You're a slut.'' Eren says.

''No... I'm not..''

''You are. You were fucking an older man, a thirty-year-old man.''

''I-I....''

''You what? Are you that desperate for cock?''

''No! I just... I just-''

''Just what? It's obvious you were enjoying it- i mean, just take a look at that face!'' Eren laughs, pointing to the photo-

It was a photo of a pedophile Man hovering over her- inside of her- As she looked terrified, but lustful.

''No... That... That isn't me!'' Mikasa yells crying even more.

''Y'know.. It'd be a shame if anyone found out about this..'' Eren explained, smirking.

Mikasa began to quiver, and cry even more- her sobs filled the room.

''What.. No.. Y-you wouldn't!'' 

''Oh, but I would..- Just imagine the headlines for you; Mikasa the slut Ackerman, isn't what we all know to be- turns out, she were actually a Cock-thirsty slut!'' Eren exaggerates.

''N-no! I'm not! Mr Jaeger, I'm not!''

Eren hisses when she says his name- adding onto his hard erection- it hardened even more.

regaining his composure-

''Please! D-don't do that... that.. that Isn't the case...''

''Why not? The world should know what you really are.''

''I only do it because I... I..''

''Face it! You do it because you love cock!''

''I do it because I.. I need money!'' 

''There are other ways to make money, Mikasa. Stop lying to yourself!'' He says.

''It isn't that easy!''

''...You just want to get fucked- cause it feels good.''

''You'd never understand-''

''I understand how much of a slut you are-''

''No!''

''Don't lie, Mikasa.-''

''NO!'' Mikasa screams, holding both her hands on the side of her head.

Eren is taken aback-

''Face it. You're a slut.'' He says, getting up from the bed, and passing a piece of paper to her-

which was a test that had the grade ''53'' on the top of the paper.

She stared at the paper for awhile, noticing the failing grade she got-

No, she couldn't have a failing grade! Damn it, she was going to have to deal with the outcome at home.

there was no getting past it- for her step-dad had his ways of finding out-

''You've got a bad grade, slut.''

''S-stop calling me that!''

''Can't hide what you are.''

''No..No..No.No! I can't have a bad grade!-''

''Why not? Because you're little Mrs perfect?'' Eren asks, smirking.

''...I just can't!''

''You wanna' fix it, slut?''

''Stop it...''

Eren refrained himself from jacking himself off, though he really wanted to- wanted to touch Mikasa all over.

But no, he had a plan for that.-

''Would you like to fix it?''

Despite her harsh feelings toward her teacher, she needed this chance- she would do anything to fix that horrible grade. She couldn't stand the things her father did to her, when she had bad grades.

When she would ''misbehave''.

She couldn't- no, she wouldn't!

''Y-yes! I would do anything... Anything to fix it..-''

''Anything?'' he asks

''Yes... I..I can't..'' she trails off, wipes her tears and clears her throat.

''I'll do anything..'' she says, a bit more calmly, though not entirely.

Eren licks his lips, and smirks-

''Alright then, slut, tomorrow after class- be sure to come see me.''

''Yes, sir.''

And after that, he leaves the room. with the biggest smile on his face.

___________________________________________________________

Walking home, Mikasa was worried. 

She's coming home rather early.

she doesn't usually do that-

stopping at her house door, Mikasa knocks ever-so-quietly.

She knocks.

and again.

and again.

and again.

till it opens and she's pulled roughly inside.

''Why the fuck are you home so early?'' Kenny Ackerman asks, slamming the door behind him.

''I.. Got sent home early-''

''Fuckin' why?!'' he asks, angrily.

''I... wasn't feeling well.'' 

''So they sent you home cause' of that dumb shit?!''

''Yes.-''

''Yes what, bitch?''

''Yes, sir...'' Mikasa whimpers.

''Y'know.. I haven't fucked anybody in about.. A day- and i'm feelin' rather horny,'' he says, stepping closer to Mikasa.

''No...No.. No, please, Kenny-''

''Yeah, keep begging me not to, It's just turning me on more..'' He says breathing down her neck.

''No.. I-I'm too tired.. Please..'' 

''I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. GIVE ME WHAT I WANT!'' Kenny yells, grabbing his beer bottle and smashing it into the wall behind Mikasa.

He unbuckles his pants, pulling them down until his undergarments- and hairy legs were shown-

He pulls down his undergarments, as his penis touches the air.

''C'mere. Suck this.'' he says, holding his cock in his hands.

Mikasa does as told, and wraps her beautiful, moist mouth around his wrinkled cock.

he groans; ''Use you're tongue a little more.''

But his phone rings-

and it's a call from his girlfriend- or rather, fucking partner.

He ignores the first ring-

but it rings again.

''Goddammit!'' he grabs the phone from the counter-

''Who the fuck is it?''

''Yeah, yeah I'm on my way.''

he removes his wet, cum-filled cock from her mouth.

''Stay here, bitch. we'll continue this later.'' Kenny says, pulling his pants and underwear up.

he then walks out the door-

Mikasa spits out the nastiness in her mouth, and places her arms around her knees-

and cries. cries herself to sleep.

____________________________

At night, Eren had just gotten home- from a long day of work.

And Mikasa.

damn, that girl is gonna' be the death of his soul.

He took out the piece of paper from his back-pocket, removes his shoes and shirt, and sat on his comfortable bed.

He continues to scan over and read the note again- and took out his phone.

He copied the exact phone number and email to the search bar:

995-550-9595

Email: littlegirl_Porn101.

He pressed 'Enter'.

And the profile that came up made him truly angry-

The profile:

Bio: Currently datin a 18 yr old girl. she's really hot, really busty too. I fuck her almost every day! If you are 16 and +, and wanna' have some fun with me, then text me some nudes. (You'd love to have a threesome with Mikasa. She's so good a fucking a cock! ;)

About: Having sex with younger females is fun!

Interests: Mikasa, Mikasa, Young sluts!

 

Who the hell was this bastard? 

He has sex with Mikasa everyday? what the..

How does he even know Mikasa..?

Eren didn't know these answers. 

But he sure as hell was about to find out!

 

He had clicked on the profile, and the profile picture was of Mikasa lying down on the ground with a long-sleeved black shirt on, as she rest her arm under her head. she was posing like a model.

Wow. so she really was a slut.

that's... Inevitable.

it really, really is- for someone so beautiful, she had millions of guys trying to win her heart.

yet... she chooses older men-

was Eren getting jealous?

hell yeah he was.

the message option finally appeared, and he knew what he had to do.

Eren's text message read: Hello.

The Man replied, not to long after: You got Nudes?

Eren replied: No.

Do you know Mikasa?

The Man replied: Yeh, Why?

Eren: Just answer.

The man: i said yeh.

Eren: How and why?

The man: why do you care?

Eren: I don't have time for this. just tell me.

The man: Fineeee

Eren: thank you.

The man: we met about two weeks ago, she said she was lookin' for some fun.

Eren: What... Do you mean by that?

The man: exactly as i said. she wanted some fun.

Eren: Explain now, please.

The man: jeez, you're so annoying.

Eren: stop wasting my time.

The man: that.. that profile photo..

I know you!

You're that hot teacher at the local college!

Eren: Um. how?

The man: and i know Mikasa is in you're class! I have my ways.

Eren: what?

The man: If you try anything, I swear, I will find you and kill you myself!

Eren: Yeah, okay.

The man: Don't take my toy away from me. she's so good in bed.

Eren: sorry, bud. But we'll see about that tomorrow.

The man: what? whattt

Eren: and I'm sure she's awesome. i dream about it.

The man: What

You there?

Helloooo

And the conversation ends.

Eren puts his phone away, and turns off the lights- heads to bed.

_______________________________________________________

The next morning; Armin had dropped Eren off at the School; but he didn't go in this time, for it was his off-day, of course.

The day had gone the way it normally does; teaching the students-

except Mikasa was different.

Her hair had been shorter- she had cut it.

it now remained neck-length short.

she had looked even more sexy than she did before.

and she kept her eyes on Eren the whole class-period.

And it only made him more and more excited for whats to come.

 

During lunchtime, Mikasa sat with Annie, because she hadn't seen her in a while- being busy and all.

Sasha had sat with her boyfriend, Connie. Jean had sat with his best friend, Marco- Levi sat next to Hange, Pretending to be annoyed of her when really, he enjoyed her company very much. Erwin sat with his fellow assistant principle; Mike Zacharius. 

the nurse Petra sat with Olou, Ed and Gunther sat together- since they were best friends after all.

Everyone around Mikasa had been talking- talking about a party Ymir was going to host. She didn't care about parties- she doesn't care.

But her best friend insisted that she go- Hitch did as well.

''Come one Mikasa, you need this!'' Hitch says.

''She's right, Mikasa. You should go.'' Annie said.

Mikasa just nodded her head yes. and continued to look off into the distance.

Annie knew Mikasa for a long time.

and she knew something was wrong.

Mikasa seemed so broken-

though she's always broken.

she just seemed... so tired.

Annie didn't want to pry into her business, so she just ate her vegetables without further question.

_________

After class; Mikasa was suppose to meet up in Mr. Jaeger's classroom- to study and pass her test.

or... so she thought.

When she entered the room; Levi and Eren were sorting out loose files-

And when she entered, she saw her phone on his desk.

The messages were up- and it was on the contact she didn't want anyone to see.

It was Him.

she hurriedly grabbed her phone from the desk, closing the messages.

''Relax. I didn't read Anything-'' Levi trys to say-

''Yeah, Like i'm suppose to believe that.'' Mikasa says, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

''What?'' Levi asks

''Excuse my manners. Good afternoon Mr. Levi, Mr Jaeger.'' Mikasa bows politely.

''What are you doing?'' Levi asks

''I'm ready to get started.'' She blandly says.

''Mikasa-''

''Mr. Ackerman please return to the front office,Mr. Ackerman please return to the front office.'' The voice over the intercom says, telling Levi to go to the front office.

He simply gets up from his chair, and leaves the room without talking.

''Mikasa, have a seat please-''

''Oh, now you're being formal.''

''Would you prefer 'Slut' instead?''

''Why do you call me that?!''

''Cause' it's what you are. take a seat.''

She takes a seat in the chair front of him-

''Oh wait, you're gonna' have to go get your test from the stack of papers...'' He points.

She doesn't show any signs of specialism, she gets up and goes to grab her test from the papers.

''I can't find It-''

two hands rap around her waists, as lips kiss up and down her neck, leaving hot breath trails.

she gasps from the sensation.

''W-what?!'' She gasps.

''Shhh. Not too loud.'' Eren says against her neck kissing her- and sucking the skin.

She moans at the feeling, feeling her legs go weak.

''N-no... Don't do that..'' She stutters in between moans, as he snakes his right hand into her white-laced panties, rubbing her moist pussy folds back and forth. again and again.

Thankfully, there was a large desk in front of her, to help support her weak body as she falls forward-

He then does what he did in his amazing dreams- but instead, he takes it slow.

He startes with one finger inside her; he fingers her hard, yet gentle enough where he doesn't hurt her.

Then another one.

Then a third one.

and she's moaning- it sounds so much better in real life. So much more real.

''Ah! S-stop- that!'' she moans loudly as his fingers ravish her clit.

she's so close to cumming, so close-

he pushes in-

And out-

In-

Out-

until she cums, shaking and moaning so sexily.

''Look at that... You came all over my fingers. You're such a bad girl.'' He smirks, sucking her juices from his fingers-

After sucking two fingers clean, he gave the third one to her, for her to suck.

And she does-

cause' she loves the way he's making her feel.

He turns her around to face him,

And her face-

His cock releases Pre-cum, as he looks at her tattered clothing.

He kisses her soft, peachy lips he had been dying to taste for so long.

he ravishes her lips, and demands entrance to her mouth.

she complies, opening it enough for him to suck on her tongue-

some of his saliva fills her mouth, and she loves the feeling-

''Swallow it- better yet; here's some more.'' Eren hotly says, trading saliva with her.-

she swallows.

he then removes his tongue from her delicious mouth, and moves to her breasts.

The breasts he had been craving for dear life.

the breasts he wanted to suck, to lick, for so long!

And he finally has them. right here in his mouth-

He sucks her nipples passionately, and uses his thumb and index finger to tease her other nipple.

sucking on her thick, perfect mounted breasts, she moans and whimpers his name.

he kiss-trailed down to her stomach, and kissed there for a while.

He lifted her up, and sat her on the large desk behind her.

He slid her skirt down and discarded it to the floor-

leaving her white-laced panties showing.

Out of insecurity, Mikasa tried to close her legs- but Eren spread them apart, and put them over his shoulders.

He moved her hot, moist panties to One side, for more access the her clit-

And when he does, his erection grows painfully hard at the sight before him, as mikasa bites her bottom lip.

Her pussy folds are nice and moist. And it's all his. all. his.

not wasting anymore precious time, he bends down and licks her most sensitive area.

And she moans- moans loudly, so she bites her bottom lip harder, and grips his hair- causing him to hold back a moan- cause' she grips his hair so right.

When he was done, he lifted her up and lye her down, gently, on the gym rug Connie had brought in earlier.

He roughly removed all of her clothes from her, and discarded them somewhere in the classroom.

He couldn't contain himself any longer- and decided it was time.

Though, he wasn't nearly done with her.

She weakly pants and breathes- 

as he stands; and removes his shirt and pants- revealing his undergarments.

This time, Mikasa gets hot at the sight in front of her. 

she doesn't wanna' throw up like how she did with her step-dad

or how she did with That Man.

but instead; she wants if- she craves to taste him- to make him feel good.

She begs for his cock. 

his perfect sized cock, thick as well.

''On you're knees.'' he hotly says, looking full of want. and lust.

she does as she were told-

and moves to him-

and she sticks her tongue out, and he places his cock upon it.

she's so messed up.

so fucked up.

Mr. Jaeger was right.

she is a slut.

she's a slut.

She is His slut.

tonight. he is her monster- free to do anything he wants to her.

she is his.

and he is hers.

 

she sucks his cock so lustfully, with slanted eyes, full of lewdness and want.

she sucks, and fingers herself while she does-

''You're such a dirty girl.'' he groans, holding her hair.

''Your pussy is basically drooling for my cock.'' he groans again-

''If You wanted my cock so badly, you should.. have asked.'' he lusts.

she sucks, and soon, he cums in her mouth-

''Drink it, Mika.'' he says, letting her drink his semen.

And she does- she drinks it all- just as he told her to.

once done, he layed on-top of her, kissing her, as she kisses back, he rubs his hands on her breasts, and body.

''Mr... Jaeger...Fuck me..'' Mikasa moans-

and he groans when she says his last name again.

he groans from her choice of words-

''You should really be careful with what you say. It'll only make me want more of you.'' he pants; rubbing his cock at her entrance-

''Ah!'' Mikasa moans from his heat against hers-

he rubs it harder-

''Mmmm...'' she moan-hums.

''Say please.'' he tells her.

''P-please..''

''Please what?'' he asks

''Please...Put it in me...''

''Put what in you? he asks again

''-put y-you're big cock I-In me.. and Fuck me hard..'' she moans aloud-

''admit that you belong to me.'' He rubs his cock harder-

''Ah! I..- I belong to you!'' she says-

and he rams his cock into her. hard-

''I- It hurts...'' she cried-

and had he not been kissing away her tears, she wouldn't have known she were even crying.

He rams harder- and harder and harder-

until the pain subsides, and the pleasure kicks in.

each time he gets faster, she moans louder-

he has to kiss her to keep her from moaning so loudly

he groans, from her tightness-

it squeezes his cock, and sucks him in. and each thrust, makes him cum lightly.

as for her- his thick cock brushes against her hot, wet pussy walls- as he hits her core-

'Ahh!'' Mikasa moans into his lips.

He pulls out from her, turning her over on her side; and fucking her from behind-

Mikasa cums; crying out his name-

but no, he isn't finished just yet.

he turns her over in all kinds of directions--

and soon, he cums, shooting his seed up inside of her.

he thrusts two more times extra- as she shakes violently. 

''Fuck...Mikasa'' eren pants-

''she kisses his lips- as she grind back and forth against his cock- wanting more.

''Please..Again..'' She rubs her right boob- turning him on again- and sticks one of his fingers into her mouth.

so he starts grinding against her walls again. 

______________________________________

Mikasa kisses Eren on his lips, goodbye, and leaves the classroom.

He kisses her one last time, before she leaves.

Her clothes are tattered, and her hair is a mess- 

she bumps into Levi, and falls on her butt.

''What took you so long?'' He asked her, as she gets u from the floor-

Eren had fucked her so hard, she could barely walk properly-

''What do you mean? I... I was studying with Eren- I mean.. Mr. Jaeger...'' she blushes at the memory, and the way he had made her feel.

''You were in there for two hours, Mikasa.''

''I-I'm aware of that..''

''What were you doing?''

''I told you already- I was just... Studying!''

''Really?''

''What else would I be doing?''

''.... What's wrong with you're clothes?..'' he asked Mikasa-

''That's a long story-''

''Iv'e got time.''

''Look, I just tripped down some stairs.. and it hurt so.. I'd rather not relive that moment.''

''You're lying.''

''No, 'm not- why are you like this?''

''what-''

''You're always like this.... Over-protective!''

''What are you-''

''Leave me alone, Levi!''

''I have to-''

''No, you don't not anymore. I'm not that same little girl anymore. I can protect myself.''

''Mikasa...''

''You weren't like this... With my parents.... They died. and you weren't even there..''

''Mikasa.. I'm sorry-''

''It's fine. Goodbye, Levi.'' she says sadly, limping past him.

Why, you ask? Because you're still my little girl, Mikasa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omfggggg   
> I think I went a little too overboard with the 'smut', and honestly. I'm feelin' so insecure lmao.   
> I dunno... Just tell me what you all think.


	4. Fragmentary Destroyed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa has to learn to deal with her demons.   
> Annie is in for a surprise; And blood is everywhere.

NEW MESSAGE FROM: Annie_Leonhardt

Annie_Leonhardt: Kasa, Where were you today?

You missed out on a whole lot.

Kasa, you there?

You've never never missed a day of school... This Isn't like you.

I'm coming over to you're house, Mikasa.

 

The phone beeps at every new text message Mikasa gets-

But Mikasa doesn't hear it- doesn't see It- can't see it-

''The hell were you doin' yesterday?!'' Kenny yell-asks, throwing many bottles of beer to the ground, shattering them.

''I told you already- I was just... Studying!'' Mikasa Yelps, backing into her room.

''Where's my money, Bitch?!'' Kenny yells, going closer to her- into her room.

''...It's.. It's In my Bag-''

A ring interrupts her sentence.

Another ring.

Another.

Ring.

Kenny, sees the phone laying on her bed, so he-

''N-no! Don't answer that!'' She screams.

but he doesn't care- he does it anyway.

The caller' I.D. info consisted of an older man, as the profile photo- and his name was; ''Levi Ackerman''. 

''The fuck is this!?'' Kenny asks, walking out of her room with her phone-

''Stop, give me my phone!'' she says-

''I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKIN' ASSOCIATE WITH LEVI!'' He growls, turning to face her- with anger in his eyes.

''W-what?'' she scarily asks, trying to get her phone from him-

''Don't play stupid with me! Why the hell is he callin' you?! WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE HIS NUMBER?!'' Kenny picks up another full glass bottle of beer, and slams it- so close to her face- that it almost hit her.

''I... He's still... He's family, that's why..-''

''No. I told you not to even look at him- not to even talk to him- but you did so anyway!'' 

''How do you know that I talk to him-''

''Because he's fuckin' callin' you right now!''

Kenny stormed completely out of the room-

Unknowing that he had pressed the green 'answer' button on her phone-

Kenny stood still outside the apartment, on the side-walk right by the street-

''You misbehaved, You disobeyed me, Bitch. Now- Now, you're gonna regret it.''

He held her phone to his left- where the street was, as a silver car drove by-

''No, Stop! I need my phone... I... Wouldn't be able to make your stupid money without it!''

''You should have thought about that before you decided to Fuckin' test my patience!

He holds it even farther-

See, If Mikasa had decided to attach her phone case to her phone- the phone wouldn't have slipped out of Kenny's loose hands- and even if it did manage to slip out, the case would have been protecting it at least.

But no, she didn't follow her gut feeling earlier.

And just as the phone slipped out from his hands-

that same silver car that drove by earlier, drove back the way it came- and ran over Mikasa's phone, crushing it into many fragments.

''NO!'' she screams, crying, reaching out for her phone-

''Let this; be a lesson to you!''

No...

''I-I-I-I Need th-That.. I... But.. But...- But I need... My phone..'' Mikasa stutters, standing stiff like a manikin.

He jerks her violently, slapping her.

No.. 

He punches her.

No.

And again.

No!

And again.

NO!

Mikasa thinks she'll die here.

Is this how... How I end?

Mikasa get's a flashback- a flashback of when Levi had been taking care of her when she were only nine years old:

 

''Oh no! The dominoes fell down!'' Mikasa hollers- as levi enters the room with a plate of warm milk and cookies.

''Just build them back up again.'' He smiles at her, setting the tray of food on the table.

''But it took me all day to build them... And now.. It's destroyed..'' Mikasa cries, running to him to hug his legs from her height.

''Well yes, It did- but that's fine. Just start all over again.'' He says.-

''You mean... Start all over?''

''It's better to get a fresh start.''

''Thanks Levi, You're the best!'' she hugs him once more, before returning to her building blocks.

 

The words ''Fresh start'' remained inside of her thoughts-

fresh start.

fresh start.

Fresh Start.

Mikasa weakly stands, as Kenny grabs his ropes-

''You're gonna' get the greatest beat-down of your miserable fuckin' life!'' he says, coming close to her-

''.....No...'' she whispers-

she's afraid of kenny- she's afraid of everything- 

She's scared of dying- where would she go?

she's so afraid... of fear itself.

But she knows what she has to do- she knows what she needs to do.

''Beg for mercy- Beg me to stop!'' he says, holding his crotch-

She never had to beg for her life.

And she wasn't about to start now.

''...No!''

''No? Excuse me?''

''...I... I said No!''

''Wanna' run that by me, again?''

''...I...I..''

she can't do this!

she's too afraid-

She couldn't possibly stand up to him-

''You're parents really must be proud of ya'. A whore who loves her Sted-dad's beatings. You're parents are dead- watching you-''

''What?!'' mikasa quivers-

''It must have really hurt when your mom's shoulder got slashed off!''

''You... You bastard..''

''Or when you're father's guts spilled out- that shit' was so disgusting!''

''Stop it!''

''And I was the one who had to do the dirty work- all cause' of those sorry excuses for 'men.''

''Shut the hell up!''

''I don't appreciate you're language, Ma'am.''

''Don't talk about them... They..- They were good people.. who did nothing wrong!''

''Bitch, are you stupid? You didn't hear about the things they did?''

''What are you talking about?!''

''They were mass murderers- that's the reason they were killed- they were killed the way that they kill people- they got a taste of their own medicine!'' Kenny laughs, really hard.

''...No.. You're wrong..''

''Tell me differently, then. what'd you think they were doin' those nights they were gone?''

''Shut up!''

''they deserved it-''

''Shut the fuck up!''

''After i murdered them- I had so skin them alive-''

''SHUT UP!''

''Haha. And to think I were related to those couple' of morons-''

''I SAID SHUT UP!'' Mikasa snapped, screaming to the top of her lungs- Making the mirrors and windows of her house, shatter, as she feels a strong wave of power overcome her.

glass shatter to the ground- destroyed.

A sharp shard of glass hit the temple of Kenny's head, knocking him out instantly.

being that Mikasa's apartment- house were medium-sized, counting all the windows in the house- all the glass that had broken, covered her whole front yard, sidewalk, and street.

The wind blows, blows past Mikasa with a chill.

Mikasa stares at Kenny's unconscious body- stares. for awhile.

She looks up ahead, the street, and starts to walk- distantly.

Once again, she's just walking- walking like a stiff manikin- she's staring at nothing in particular, with blurry, broken eyes.

she smells the something in the air-

the smell of rain.

Not soon after she smells it, It starts to rain- 

cars start to drive by, cars filled with the students from the college as some stop at stores, and houses.

She's walking barefoot, in a black long-sleeved dress.

She crosses the street- as many cars stop for walking pedestrians-

The rain pours harder.

Cars drive faster.

Because those cars are driving fast on the slippery road, People walked on sidewalks, and crossed only when they really needed to get to the other side

But not Mikasa.

Her mind is somewhere else.

She's so broken- trying to find the light- trying to find her way through this ocean of people.

you travel to search and you come back home to find yourself there- the place you would want to go. You can run away from yourself so often, 

and so much, just because the broken pieces of you cut your feet too deeply if you stay around for too long-

But then what if someone were to come along and pick up those pieces for you? Then you wouldn't have to run away from yourself anymore.

You could stop running. If someone sees you as something worth staying with— maybe you'll stay with yourself, too.

Like that would ever happen to someone like Mikasa...

She isn't worth anything, yet everything is worth her.

She isn't made for this world...

 

A red truck drives.

Mikasa crosses the street.

Maybe... If I...

The truck drives faster.

People... Would be much better without me here, right...?

She walks ever-so-slowly. doesn't look both ways.

If I were to... If I could...

The Truck doubles it's pace.

I.. Can't handle this.. It wasn't meant for me..

The man in the truck had his music blasting high- he hadn't changes his tires in three weeks- like he was supposed to.

I'm.. weak..

The rain had seeped into the small hole in his tire, and flowed all the way up to the 'brakes'.

I'm.. A.. Poison to this.. world..

He saw Mikasa from his large truck- and pressed on his brakes-

I should... Just.. disappear..

-But his brakes didn't stop the car.

I'm sorry, mother...

he pressed the brakes again- but that didn't work- so he swerved his truck to the right-

But the slippery road only swished him to the right, making him crash into a large tree- which fell down, because the timber-man had been cutting it, but didn't finish-

the tree fell atop of a big house, and the house's roof now had a dent-

as the truck still drives uncontrollably, it flips over, and rolls, taking the damage of the rain.

The truck hit Mikasa, as it slides through the slippery road-

There was a small bridge right next to the truck, and it carried Mikasa off- as she fell down into a large ocean. Trost's largest ocean, ever.

Her body slammed into the deep water with a 'thud'.

She can't see- but there's a dire pain in the side of her stomach.

Is this death?

Is this how it is... When you die?

she's falling, drowning- she can't breathe!

she's trying to reach the top again- start fresh.

Start fresh.

She's trying to start all over again- she's pushing.

She reaches her hand up, seeing the grayish-sun's reflective light upon the water.

No...

I take...I take it back!

I don't want to die!

I.. don't want to die!

there's so much more... for me.. I..

I just have to find it!

this isn't it...

Is this it?

She feels her conscious start to disintegrate; felt her mind going numb.

She was drowning- and loosing herself.

This was death within itself; A Fragmentary Destruction.

________________________________________________

 

Annie tried texting mikasa's phone- tried calling her as well.

Mikasa would always answer her best friends' calls, and when she didn't, she would text and explain why she couldn't answer.

That's what Annie and Mikasa always did.

Just because.

but now, when she calls, The number would either got Mikasa's automatic voicemail:

''Hey, it's Mikasa, I can't come to the phone right now, I'm... Busy... so call me a little later.''

Or it would just say her number is currently unavailable.

Which was weird, because; Annie had just talked to her last night- 

and when she did, Mikasa didn't sound like her usual self- she sounded really tired, and like she had been crying all night.

''Kasa, are you still going to Ymir's party?'' Annie asks Mikasa over the phone.

''....No... I'm sorry, I won't be able to make it-'' Mikasa sniffs-

''Please... I don't want to go alone.''

''...Annie, you have Hitch.'' Mikasa says, after five minutes.

''I do, But you're my best friend, so it's only right if you come with me.''

''...Annie...''

''Don't think, but still think.''

''...I don't know.. I'll try.''

''Yes! Are you doing alright..?''

''Why do you ask....?'' she nervously asks.

''You seem... Off...'' annie says.

''I'm fine.'' Mikasa says, a bit too harsh.

''...You aren't-''

''Annie I've got to go.. Bye.'' Mikasa hangs up the phone.

 

Annie stopped thinking about the conversation she had yesterday, with Mikasa-

and put her gray hoodie over her plain white shirt.

she was only going to see Mikasa, after she found out they lived in the same neighborhood.

she left her house, waved her father goodbye, and closed the front door.

Something was wrong with Mikasa- and as her best friend, Annie was gonna' get to the bottom of it.

This had happened with her friend, Mina Carolina. Annie had let Mina struggle all by herself, and because she didn't help her- Mina ventured far and far away from her, emotionally, and they soon stopped being friends.

There was no way in hell she were going to let that happen with Mikasa- no.

She would do what she had to do, to keep Mikasa close to her.

____________________________________________________

''Erwin, we need to talk.'' Levi harshly says.

Levi and Erwin were always great friends- so Levi knew it was okay, to smart-ass him.

well. Kind of.

''About?'' Erwin asked, raising his bushy eyebrows.

''...About Eren Jaeger.''

''Levi, we aren't getting rid of Mr. Jaeger- He's a great teacher, the students love him.''

''That's the problem.''

''I understand that you don't like him, Levi, But we can't sacrifice-''

''He fucked Mikasa.''

''What?'' Erwin asks.

''Yes, He had sexual intercourse-''

''I know Levi! But, what are you saying?''

''...I found... Her bra behind my desk- I'm assuming he did her on my desk. disgusting.'' Levi stated.

''Levi... while I trust and believe you, I'll need proof-''

Levi places the medium sized bra on Erwin's principle desk.

''There's you're proof.''

''I don't even know what to say to that.''

''Hm.''

''How do you even know It's her Bra? It's a bit.... Big.'' Erwin un-comfortably asks-

''Because I have lived with her, and had to buy her... Personals... For a long time.''

''I see. Well, we need to keep quiet about it for now.''

''What? Why?'' Levi asked.

''Because, Mikasa is an honor student, and she helps the school's charts-''

''so basically, you're using her-''

''-And If rumors spread, her reputation could be crushed. Mikasa doesn't need that, right now, and you wouldn't want that.'' Erwin says.

''No, I wouldn't. What do you mean, by that?''

''By what?''

''What you just said- about Mikasa.''

''Oh, right... Well, haven't you noticed changes in her behavior?'' Erwin asks.

''No.-''

''Nevermind then.'' Erwin sighs, getting up from his roller-chair, signalling for Levi to follow him.

 

''Mr. Ackerman!'' A female voice yells-

Levi turns around calmly, upon hearing his name being called-

He sees Annie bending, holding her knees and panting- Out of breath-

Eren and Armin had just come from the teacher's lounge, preparing to leave, but stopped, seeing Erwin, Levi, And.... Annie? 

Annie looked troubled, scared, and afraid- the expression on her face caused goosebumps to arise on Armin's skin.

He had felt attracted to Annie for some time now, and could even agree that he had feelings for her.-

But now's not the time to think about that, 

it seemed as if they had a bigger issue at hand-

''Mr. Ackerman... C-come quick!'' Annie pants, still seemingly out of breath, from running all the way here.

''Leonhardt, What's the matter?'' Erwin asks, nicely.

''I- It's Mikasa, She wasn't at home-''

''So?'' Levi asks, awaiting to find out the problem-

''This isn't a joke! W-when I was on my way to her house, I saw blood! And-''

But Levi didn't need to hear any more- and he runs his fastest out of the door.

''Wait, Levi!'' Erwin calls out-

''I'm coming with you.'' Annie yells, running after him-

''Eren, I'll go-''

''No. I'll go along as well.'' Eren explains.

''No, You boy's best stay here- leave it to us-''

''What?! No, I'm coming too-''

''No! as a matter of fact, It's time for you and Mr. Arlert to be on you're way, Now.''

With that, Erwin heads out of the door- to try and catch up with Levi and Annie.

''Damn, It!'' Eren yells-

Armin trys to calm him down.

And can only hope that, Everything is Okay.

_____________________________________

 

Mikasa awoke.

she awoke- feeling dazed. Nosedive.

She were laying on a soft, padded... Something?

the place she were in, moved, and rumbled.

She hears Sirens-

and it occurs to her-

that she might just be in a ambulance.

Am I alive?

Is this A dream?

all of these questions bombard her drowsy mind-

How?

How'd she get out?

She hears more rumbling-

but this time, the Sirens turn into screams- screams she recognizes.

The screams of her mother and father-

she's no longer laying on the soft bed, but in a pool of crimson blood-

the screams come closer- and closer- and closer- until-

 

Mikasa awakes, She awakes from her nightmare.

she's laying on the shore, her neck-length hair embeds her face- wet.

Her clothes are drenched, her mouth tastes like salty ocean water.

Just imagine becoming the way you used to be as a very young child, before you understood the meaning of any word, before opinions took over your mind. 

You can either see yourself as a wave in the ocean, or you can see yourself as the ocean itself.

In this case, Mikasa'd be a simple ripple. not even a wave.

She tries to move her body- but she cannot feel her lower half.

Well, yes, she can. But; she feels very, very numb.

She can't even remember how she got here in the first place-

all she remembers', is that she were drowning, drowning so badly.

she had tried to escape herself, wishing for things she didn't really want.

she picks herself up, shaking-

she stands, completely-

but falls back down on her knees.

She gets up again-

For a Fresh Start.

Fresh Start.

Fresh. Start.

and suddenly, she remembers again.

How the truck had hit the tree, and the tree had fell on the large house that was next to her and crushed the timber-man inside, How the truck had stumbled over the tree-

and slid across the slippery road, and broke apart of the bridge, and hit her, knocked her off the bridge, and into the deep, scary waters.

All because that man had been lazy, and didn't change his tires.

she began to walk slowly, again, As her bare feet kicks the sand.

She stops, to look around her- afraid.

And she can't help but feel alive, and free!

the ocean tried to drown her, yes, but it taught her a lesson.

the shore is beautiful- the ocean is beautiful.

the wind shifts, causing the ocean to stir.

She feels connected to the ocean- she had always loved it.

Sure, the side of her stomach was, in great pain- and her ribs hurt like hell- but what she feels now, overcomes that great pain.

she loves the sound of the ocean, as it sings it's quiet song to her.

The ocean sings it's sad song to her-

She's crying again- because this scene before her- were truly beautiful.

She should try to get back soon- to her step-dad, to hell on earth.

But she doesn't care about him right now!

she feels free- freer than she's ever been. 

She cries tears of joy-

''Huh, Things like this... Actually exist? she ask-cries, laughing she she does so.

she sits down, on the soft sand, unknowingly laying down just like a professional model would.

Mikasa's heart, is a deep ocean of beauty, of secrets.

She just doesn't know it yet.

_________________________

What Levi saw, absolutely scared his soul.

There was broken glass, Everywhere.

All the windows were shattered in peices-

It was a large bunch of glass, Everywhere-

And there was a trail of blood pouring from a body.

It was Kenny.

Levi's uncle. and Enemy.

He had a large piece of shard, implanted into his stomach- 

He bled, and his blood turned into a dark red color.

''Oh, my god..'' Annie gasped in horror.

Levi checked Kenny's pulse, and as soon as he did- Kenny took a breath-

Levi saw that Kenny was bout to die, so he cut to the chase-

''What happened?'' Levi harshly asked.

''...S-she... Finally.. Mastered.. Our clan's power...'' Kenny wheezes-

''... You mean Mikasa.. What were you to her?'' Levi asked-

''Heh. Just... A.. Non-related... Clan member..'' Kenny grasps, coughing.

''Where Is she?'' Levi asks, as Annie and Erwin search around.

''P-probably... Screwin'... Some guys... Like always... H-how should I kn..ow?'' Kenny asks, taking his last breath.

''Bastard.'' Levi muttered, getting up from his knees, to search with the other's.

''That's Mikasa's phone..'' Annie whispered, picking up the crushed gadget in her hands.

 

They searched the house, and didn't find any sign of Mikasa.

They searched her room, and Kenny's room-

Levi had come across Mikasa's diary, and read the first page:

I'm really... Tired? Maybe not, tired, but... Sleepy? I'm not making any sense. I don't want to write about the things that happened to me today- except for one thing...

I... I think that I'm in deep trouble.

I.. Did something.. that i shouldn't have- But, I don't regret doing it!

..He.. Really made me feel-

 

But the rest of that page was ripped out, and he couldn't read the parts she crossed out. 

Not wanting to be nosy, he placed her diary back down where it was-

because he needed to find her. Right now.

____________________________________

Mikasa had been running cheerfully around on the beach.

But she has to go, She has to return to her hell.

because... Hell is what made her today.

No point in avoiding it now.

She had been thinking about Eren all day, but not.

..She's not even sure what she feels right now-

but she knows that she has caught feelings- for him, and him alone.

 

Her phone had gotten crushed, by the hands of her father.

Her ''father''.

She didn't think of him as a father alone- and just wishes that he would die.

Be careful what you wish for.

No, she doesn't regret making that wish.

 

Mikasa had made her way from the beach, which took her awhile, because getting back up to the bridge meant her running all the way up the rocks.

But... She didn't care-

She was so happy right now, so, so happy.

She twirled and twisted, on the sidewalk, of course.

Laughing, once again.

It didn't take long for Levi to notice the ravenette-

''Mikasa!'' he said, running up to her.

she stops twirling, but doesn't stop laughing-

not until she sees Kenny's dead body.

Her laughing is replaced with a maniacal smile-

''Are you hurt?'' Levi asks her, loosing his usual demeanor.

She just looks at him, smiling, holding her arms as the wind blows her hair.

''Mikasa?!'' Annie says, looking worried for her best friend.

''I've never been better.'' Mikasa says, calmly.

______________________________________

''Today, We're assigning all of you to you're dorms.'' Mr. Ackerman says to the class.

The students all bicker and groan, some cheer and approve of it-

''What about the teacher's? Hitch asks, blushing, thinking about her crush, Marlowe, who ended up switching to be one of the helping-hand-teachers.

''The teacher's have their own Dorms, as well, Just in a different Section. We need to be able to watch our student's.'' Levi says, simply.

''Why? You've never had to do that-''

''We've had an incident with a student; Thomas Wagner was accused of entering Mina Carolina's dorm room.'' Mr. Jaeger says- as Levi gives him a harsh glare.

Thomas groans- ''Yeah, well. I'm not denying it- 'S not like I killed her or something.

Mina blushes, while Connie laughs-

''Speaking of. Jean, when are you gonna' get laid-'' Connie asks, nudging jean-

''Were not talking about that.' Levi said, making Jean and Connie nearly jump.

''-I'm already in a relationship-'' Jean says-

''Ooo. Is it Mikasa?'' Daz Asks from across the room.

Both Eren and Levi turn around, upon hearing her name.

''Iv'e never fucked Mikasa- And If i did, she'd be so sore.'' Reiner admits, crossing his arms-

''Whoever is hittin' Ain't hittin Right, cause' she act like she need Dick in her life.'' Bethold says, confidently.

Eren could feel his nostrils flare- but he quickly calmed himself down.

''Enough!'' Levi slammed his hands on his desk, and the class gets back to work.

They all could tell; the the conversation was over, before it even started.

_____________________________________________________________

It was now the end of the day, and Mikasa had stayed in her assigned dorm for the day, while the students were at class.

Lately, she had been suffering from anxiety, and it got worse after she and Eren...

Well.

She would often cry for no apparent reason, and feel numb.

But she had to stay in her dorm room for the day, to heal.

Her, Hitch, and Annie stayed a dorm room together-

but since the dorm room were so big, it got split into three equal parts-

so Annie is in one half, Hitch in the next, and Mikasa her own.

technically, Mikasa had her own room all by herself.

She had gotten up to go get a class of water from the cafeteria, now that she has to stay here- until she graduated- 

Everybody did- But they didn't mind, they all wanted a break from home, anyways.

 

When she returned, she wanted to take a nice hot shower, and was off all that was on her.

for a fresh start.

a Fresh start

No. She stops herself for thinking like that- before it gets worse.

''She stepped into her bathroom, and started to undress, starting with her loose shirt-

''Hello, there.'' Eren says, stepping from the window- which was covered with a red curtain.

The bathroom was so large, Eren managed to hide in the corner-

she jumped, as his voice scared her to death-

''Why are you here?!'' She asks-

''Hmm. I wonder..'' He asks, as she backs up into the wall-

''W-what.... H-how.. Did you get in here?'' She asks, brushing a stran of her hair behind her ear, looking everywhere but at him.

''I walked through the door.'' He says, his face now very, very close to hers.

She breathes, he puts his hands on the side of her head, and bends begins to whisper in her ears-

''You've been avoiding me, Mika.'' He whispers in her ear, with a sultry voice. Taking one of his hands and lifting her chin with his fingers.

Mikasa whimpers, turning into putty, melting in his hands.

''I-I Haven't...Been...Avoiding you..'' her tone changes, she can barely even talk- It's so hot in there!

''What were you coming in here to do, Mikasa? He asks her, kissing the skin of her neck-

she lifts her head a bit, allowing him more entrance-

''.....I... Was... Going... To- Take... A-''

''Shower?'' He smirks at her, getting an Idea.

''....Y-yes...''

''Mind If I join you?''

''....Eren..'' Mikasa sighs, still looking everywhere but at him.

''I'll clean you. Though, By the dirty things I'll do you- I'd have to wash you all over again'' He says, with that sexy grin and sultry voice.

Mikasa's face flushed red for a moment-

''O-out of everyone... W-why.. Me?'' Mikasa weakly asks her superior.

''You'll know, one day. But for now- You could say.... I was attracted to you..'' He kisses her soft, glossy lips.

___________

Mikasa removed all of her clothes, feeling insecure once more-

Eren follows suit, doing the same thing.

After he Removed his clothing, he got into the shower, as Mikasa just stood, with her arm covering her breasts-

''Join me.'' He says, extending his hand out for her-

which she gladly excepts. 

He brings her closer to him, as her breasts rub against his chest.

The heat of the sensation causes Mikasa to moan softly, against him.

Eren Kissed Mikasa's lips, leaving Mikasa to moan into his mouth.

It was a quick, fervid, eager kiss that had Mikasa squirming even before his hands started to run down her body, one stopping at her breast while the other rubbed her core.

Mikasa shyly wrapped her fingers around his thick, cock, and began to stroke it feverishly,

which made Eren groan at her touch- shivering, as he pulled back from Mikasa's mouth, just for a while. 

''A-am I.... Hurting... You?'' She asks him, blushing and moaning.

''No....'' Eren groans, hanging on tightly to Mikasa's back, as she stroked him.

Eren grits his teeth, as she strokes his cock harder.

She didn't really know what she was doing- despite having done this times before,

Eren was different. 

He made her feel so powerless- and she loved it.

She knows she's a slut, for this.

But.. Once gain, she thinks: She belongs to him. And him only.

She just hope that he was her's, too.

Eren ejaculates, as his sperm leaks out from his cock.

He moans her name, in her ears.

and it felt great.

He goes back to kiss her, kissing her lips, cheeks, and forehead.

He inserted two of his fingers', into her-

''Eren!'' Mikasa moans loudly, gripping his toned back.

Mikasa tries to squirm away- But not because she doesn't want him- because she does- But because she's not sure on what to do.

He smirks at her, and how he makes her so weak.

"Just let it happen," Eren whispered, grabbing hold of her body, and dropping down to his knees-

eagerly lifting up her thigh, as she leans back against the shower wall- 

Eren brings his tongue up to drag along it, making Mikasa twist. 

"Mm, you're so wet and beautiful. Your pussy is so hot, I can't wait to taste you again." Eren groaned.

Water ran down Mikasa's body, making her short black hair cling to her neck,

as she grew even more wet

Eren, down on his knees, licked his lips.

She's such a filthy slut.

She wants him to lick all over here- She wants him to cum inside, and outside of her body- just take her to hell.

Because he would be the death of her.

Eren began to lick her, 

flicking his tongue; twisting it around-

Mikasa moans loudly, arching her back, gripping her own hair, tightly.

And he loves every bit of her moans.

Eren Greedily sucks her clit, sucking on the sensitive, beautiful skin.

Mikasa seemed utterly out of control, as Eren licked her from below. 

He took her all the way into his mouth, and stayed there for some time,

Mikasa lifts her other thigh, as eren grabs it-

Mikasa moans whilst her hands run along through his messy brown hair, curling it.

He groans.

Eren sighs into her, from pleasure, as he looked up into her eyes- with hungry, burning delight. 

Mikasa, the dismayed girl left to stand in the shower as Eren slurped her-

It was precisely where Mikasa wanted to be, 

and her moaning only made Eren more and more hungry for her-

His goal was to slurp and slobber all over her lower area, until she had cums.

Mikasa started to cry- from how good it felt- from how amazing it felt.

She was on the verge of cumming- But just before she could the bathroom door opened and a voice sent chills racing up the spine of poor Mikasa as things went from bad to worse.

''Mikasa, You In here?''

Mikasa's head snapped toward the curtain-

unable to see any silhouette through the thick shower curtain, which thankfully meant that Annie couldn't see the other side's silhouette,

of Eren making her cum.

He stops- for a small while- to look up at Mikasa's lusting, daring face.

but he soon starts again-

''Mikasa?'' Annie asks-

''....I'm... Fine!'' Mikasa explains, in between moans- faking a cough.

''Oh. Sorry, I was just reminding you about Ymir's party. I'll leave you be, now.'' Annie says, leaving the bathroom and shutting the door behind herself.

Mikasa bites her bottom lips, gripping holding on to the shower rail beside her.

'Mmph.. Ere...Eren..'' She says, hitting her orgasm sooner than later.

truth-be-told, she didn't care about the part. 

She'd rather stay here, with him.

and let him do all the dirty things he wants to her.

He kisses her pussy one last time, before kissing up her stomach, and back to her breasts.

''Eren...'' Moans Mikasa.

''Hm?'' he asks-

''I want you...''

''I know you want me, I see it from the look on you're gorgeous face.'' He says kissing her breasts, while looking her in her eyes.

''Let me... Wash you...Down there-''

''You really do want it that bad?''

''I... Want..'' She moans, reaching to grab his cock, but he moves away.

''I've got something for you.'' He steps halfway out of the shower, and reaches on the counter of the sink, to grab... Something...

It sounded like a powered-toothbrush, When he pressed the button of its side.

It looked like a microphone, with a silver neck of metal-

Mikasa had seen one of these before, online with one of her... Clients.

He carefully turned Mikasa around, so her ass faces him,

He then places the object on her pussy folds, and instantly-

She moans, loudly.

If the shower wall wasn't there to protect her, she would have fell.

She grips- or tries- to grip a rail that wasn't there- as the vibrator twists, vibrates, and turns.

''MMPH!'' She bites her lips and moans, grabbing her breasts to use as a source to keep from moaning so loudly-

luckily, the dorm room was huge, and the girls' couldn't hear her pleasurable moans- or his groans-

but the way he and the vibrator made her feel- the whole campus could've probably heard her.

he kisses her neck, from behind, Kissing her up and down.

''You're making me hard, Mika.'' He moans in her ear-

''AH!!'' She moans, so, so, so, loudly, squirming her body.

He inserts his thick cock into her pussy, from behind, still holding the vibrator as he thrust into her- hard.

At this point- she's screamin' his name.

She's crying from the pleasure- the tears fall onto the ground.

He makes sure he isn't hurting his love, so he stops-

''No! Put it back In, Don't stop!'' she yells-

''But... You can't handle it.'' He teases her, smirking, knowing damn well she can handle him.

Plus, he wouldn't want to stop, anyways.

''No, I... I.. Can! Put it back in!'' 

''Tell me how it feels.''

she bites her bottom lip, ready for his cock again.

''It.. It feels...Good!''

''Good?'' he teases.

''Eren... It feels awesome, and... I'm addicted to it! Please... Put it back in..'' She moans.

Eren puts it back into her, thrusting harder than he did before-

''Ah, yeah! It feels so good- It feels so fucking good!'' Mikasa moans-

''Fuck...'' Eren groans, kissing Mikasa's neck.

''Mhm...Don't stop fucking me with that wonderful dick of your's! Don't stop!'' Mikasa cries-

She hits her orgasm, as he hits her sweet spot, thrusting hard.

She bites her bottom lip again- cumming at every thrust.

''not soon after, he cums too, once again, shooting up all the way to the depths of her womanhood.

He kisses her lips, and supports her back with his hands, rubbing her thick-soft butt cheeks.

''You're amazing, Mikasa...''

she blushes, kissing his cheek- 

The water runs down both of their bodies, as they kiss each other under the water that starts to get cold- the shower had been running for so long.

''Eren...'' Mikasa trails off, kissing him before they step out of the shower.

______________________________________________________________

They had gotten dressed- Mikasa wore a white, short, nightgown, and Eren wore simple sweat pants, and a black shirt.

Annie and Hitch had gone to Ymir's party, and wouldn't be coming home untill as of late.

knowing how much of a party animal Annie and Hitch were, 

well. They'd be there for a while.

Eren sat on her bed, as she brushed her short hair in the mirror.

he couldn't help but feel really happy at the moment, at his beautiful lover-

''Mikasa.''

''Hm?'' She replies-

''I... Think that I...'' Eren trails off.

Like you. Love you. 

Eren knows that he Loves her, and likes her,- But...

He was a teacher, and she were a student.

Damn it, he caught feelings for her! How could he allow that..

He kept trying to tell himself that this was just sex- and nothing more.

But her moans, her breathing, her voice, Her everything.

It drives him crazy- in a good way.

He'd love to just stay with her..

But he can't

Not yet.

It isn't the time, yet.

''What?'' Mikasa sweetly asks.

''I think that I...''

''You what?''

''I think I should go...''

Mikasa drops the brush from her hands, staring at herself in the mirror-

the mirror that reminds her of Kenny.

Kenny Ackerman.

Her step father.

And she remembers breaking the glass of her house, someway-somehow.

and she feels as if she's back there again..

smuggling, being suffocated in her home-

''Mikasa?'' Eren asks-

''I-I'm fine.'' she says, wiping her eyes.

''What's the matter?'' 

''N-nothing!''

The brush slips off her desk-

''I scewed up. I'm sorry...'' she says, getting up from the chair, bending down to pick up the brush, but it slips from her hands once more.-

''You don't have to apologize, it's just a brush..-''

She starts to sniffle, as her eyes get watery.

''You're crying... Why?'' Eren asks, 

Her body shakes as she tries to hold in her sad tears-

''I...I'm not crying!''

She sees Kenny. She sees kenny in her mind, and feels the scars that failed to heal on her body.

''Mikasa...''

''I-I can still...I'm...sorry! I won't do it again!...'' Mikasa's tears start to fall loose from her eyes- as the brush falls into the air vent by her desk-

''What? It's okay, it's okay!''

She places her face into her elbow, trying to wipe away the tears that escape her eyes-

but they keep flowing.

''I Have... To do my best, I have to do my best!'' She cries, as her legs shake violently-

''What's wrong, Are you sick?!'' Eren asks, getting off the bed to sit next to her-

''I'm all.. Right. I'm all right..'' Mikasa cried, in between sobs.

the tears flow heavy from her eyes, and she puts her head in her hands, and cries- burring her face into her hands.

''Mikasa! Hey, what's wrong? Hey!'' He shakes her body, trying to snap her out of it.

When he does remove her hands from her face, she looks at nothing.

He had seen this before from her- when she had to go to the nurse.

Apparently, she was thinking about a depressing past memory- or she had been numb to some sort of pain.

_____________

Eren had gone to get Levi-

Who asked him to leave the room as he calmed Mikasa down.

Eren awaited outside, To talk to Levi- though he didn't really want to.

''Why the hell were you in her room, in the first place?'' Levi asks Eren

''... I just returned her phone-''

''She doesn't have a phone anymore- It was crushed.-''

''...I-''

''I know you've been having sex with her.'' Levi said staring at eren, giving him a deadly expression.

''I don't know what you're talking about.'' Eren said simply.

''Don't play dumb, Jaeger. yesterday, she looked completely fine before she entered your class.

''What are you saying?''

''I found her bra-''

''So? She changed her bra, and forgot it. I wasn't even in the room at the time.''

''Not likely of her.''

''What's It to you? Even if i actually did have sex with her, Why do you care- She's 18, and old enough-''

''Cause' she's my daughter, and I've gotta' protect her-''

''Daughter? No, She's-

''Be quiet, And listen up, brat.''

Eren gulps-

''If I- No, When I find more proof, I will report it- and get you fired-''

''That's blackmail-''

''Not quite.''

''Look, I get you don't like me- but seriously, do you think I'd do something as low as that?''

''Yes, I do. And I also think that you aren't good enough for her-''

''That hurts.''

''The truth hurts, Kid.''

''... So-''

''Stay away from Mikasa- when you aren't teaching her, of course. Don't even look at her- you think I haven't noticed you taking glances at her?''

''It's a bit hard not to look at her, don't ya' think?''

''Pervert.''

'' -But... 'S not like I know anythigna bout that... Haha. That's crazy.'' Eren says, trying to walk away from the conversational situation-

''I mean it, Jaeger. If you hurt her- so much as to look at her the wrong way- I will not hesitate, to kick your ass.'' Levi says, now walking away.

Eren gulps again, takes one last look at Mikasa sitting on her bed, looking out the window- and leaves to go to his room.

_______________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idefk about this... I thought it was a bit rushed.. Lol..


	5. Saccharine Odoriferous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many things change.  
> Everyone had gotten to go to a hotel for Hanji's welcoming party.  
> Many things happen.  
> Drama and mischief occur.

Today was the day the college kids had gotten to go on a special trip.

To be more.. Clear; What I mean Is that we had all gotten to go on a... ''field trip''.

Though, I wouldn't really call it a field trip, Because that's a bit modest, actually.

Everyone had gotten tickets to sign, So that they could go on the trip-

It's a hotel; with a large pool; and some kind of a... Barn?

It wasn't really a barn, Because there weren't any animals inside- But it had a bunch of chairs and tables In it.

It was sort of a storage room, I guess; The place they stored all of the party items too.

By they, I mean Hanji and her friends.

Hanji was the new biology teacher; She hadn't started working yet, and this was sort of her own welcoming party.

But we weren't only here for Hanji; that would have been better.

But instead, we were here because we needed to do some research about the grand hotel; the one Where we are now.

How things are done. You know... Things like that.

Each and every last one of us had already been assigned a room, Just like back at the school.

Fortunately; My room was on the very first floor, at the end of the hall.

Unfortunately... I was away from my friends, Away from Annie... Away from Hitch..

Away from Eren.

....I'm thinking about him.. Again.

The only time I had saw him today, Was when everyone were boarding the traveling buses,

But that'll change In a few minutes...

All of us, visitors, had to be dressed in our formal attires; Showered clean, and down to the very first floor... Where Hanji, Mike, Nanaba, Gelgar, Petra, Oluo, And.... Levi.

I wouldn't want to be near him- I don't want to be near him,

Him, and his... Attitude.

No, I refuse.

I'll sit as far away from him as possible, If that's what It takes,

I had already taken my shower; dried off, lotion-ed myself, Sprayed- Very, very lightly, On some perfume that Levi had gotten me,

Well. At least he's good for something.

I've been pointing out all other things about the meeting we all have to attend; But really, I'm... Worried about one thing.

While yes, I want to see him....

But I'm a bit insecure,

Nevermind... It's nothing.

After I'm done brushing my hair; which had grown about three inches longer; I grab the hair-iron, and begin to straighten my hair,

No, I don't really need to do this- seeing as it'll only get wet and damp when I get in the pool, but... I'm just trying something a bit different.

Doesn't take long for my hair to get straight and slicker than it already was; so I comb the bangs, that always stays in my face, to each side of my ears.

Then, I applied my usual lip gloss over my light pink lipstick- not too dark,

I reach over to the side of the desk, that contains all of my accessories- And pulled out a pack of Silver-shinning diamond earrings.

It's a good thing that I had gotten my ears pierced about a-few weeks ago; otherwise I wouldn't be able to wear them.

Not a big deal though.

Hitch and Annie bought these especially for me- they said It really brings out my eyes.

Whatever.

I don't care what other people think of me...

Except for Eren...

Seriously, He's all I'm thinking about right now.

Again; 

I apply my diamond earrings- then close the drawer that were open.

The outfit I was going to wear for the meeting lays on my clean and soft bed,

Getting up from the makeup-desk, I removed the dress from the plastic hanger, threw the hanger in the trash-bin, and went into the bathroom to Fit myself.

The dress was White, It had a lace-out front- with golden stripes, the sleeves were long and lacey- showing some skin from my arms,

The entire back part was out; It was a back-out; With golden narrow lines,

It stopped just before my knees, ending with golden lace, as well.

The dress Itself was beautiful- but It wasn't my style..

Historia said I needed to try new things- to let loose; 

So... I am.

But the dress was very, very tight- and Since it was a back-out; I would have to remove my bra...

I'm sure it'll be fine..

It has supporting pads in the front, so that my... Breasts' parts wouldn't be showing,

Sighing, I slide the dress off a bit; reaching my arms to my back to unclasp my bra-

But then It just occurred to me.

Hanji told all of us to wear our swimsuits under our attires; so that they could get the party started already,

I guess I'll just have to run back up to change-

Parties.

I don't really like parties.

The other day; when Annie and Hitch came back from Ymir's party... They were both as drunk as I don't know what,

they both claim that they hadn't drank anything, as far as beer, and that someone had snuck something into their drinks; 

But either way, I still don't like parties,

I don't want that happening to me.

Now that I'm done, I grab my room key; Open the door, and exit, Locking the door after I leave.

As if on cue; I hear the other people start to head down the crowded stairs, and immediately, 

There's a mixture of cologne, perfume, and popcorn in the air.

That, and Doritos's.

And it's nostalgic.

Because, I remember always eating popcorn with my mother, and the smell of dad's cologne; Lemon herbs.

Mother's scent reminisces in my nostril- no, It lingers there.

Oh, how I miss you, Mother...

Clearing my throat; I walk down the stairs along with the rest of them- Hearing people stump and run down the stairs; It seems they are so ready to attend the meeting, so ready to party, have fun, let loose.

But I'm the outcast.

I'm the only one afraid of what's beyond those stairs.

Even though I know, oh so well,.. 

I don't want to go...-

''Mikasa?'' 

I hear a familiar feminine and chirpy voice.

It's Historia.

And I am thankful to whatever higher powers that exist, because I don't have to go alone.

I never did but...

''...Historia...'' I say, staring blankly at nothing in particular-

No.. I'm not about to start crying-not right now, not right now!

Quickly, I clear my throat- and repeat shallow words in my mind:

It's not real.

It's not worth It.

It's not going to happen.

''Come, on- We're gonna' be late!'' She pulls my arm forward, and down the stairs- thankfully- I was able to keep up.

I'll just have to find some way to ignore Everyone; Sit as far away from Levi as possible, ....Not think about Eren, even though I really want to see him..

Find a way to block everyone and everything out.

....And not show my backside too much..

____________________________________

It's only been a matter of twenty seconds- yet I'm so anxious to leave right about now,

Deep breath in,

Deep breath out,

In,

out,

I think over and over and over and over and over.

Again and again and again and again,

Now and forever,

Several fucking times over,

about the same damn thing.

Everyone still taking their own seats; Armin next to me-

''Hey, Mikasa,'' 

Armin was a very, very nice man,

But....

I wasn't really in the mood,

So... I do that face; you know, the face where I pretend that everything is normal; That I care, 

When really, I don't.

But that's the art of pretending, and I happen to know how to do that very damn well.

''Armin... It's good to see you!'' I pretend-laugh, shaking his hand,

''It's good to see you, too!''

But.. Unfortunately..

Armin can tell when someone is lying,

When someone isn't being truthful,

He can see right through me- So he drops his smile... And his laughing attitude; But instead he frowns,

''Is something the matter?'' he asks me, looking genuinely sincere, 

''What makes you ask that?'' I ask, brushing that same unruly strand of hair behind my ears- to hold it back,

''You haven't been... As lively Lately'' 

''Oh, That's just because... I Miss my....Phone..''

And I knew he did't buy it- Because he opened his mouth to ask me about it- but then closed it again,

''Are you and Eren having an affair?'' He whisper-asks me, 

I told you. Armin could see right through me.

But I have to play the part.

I have to pretend.

But am I that obvious with my feelings towards Eren?

''Armin, That's gross... Do you really think that low of me?'' I lied.

He takes a moment before answering; it's like he's looking deeply into my eyes- trying to figure me out.

Play the part, Mikasa.

Pretend.

So I do,

''No, I... Was just askin' 

There were small papers in front of every person taking a seat, I hadn't even gotten started yet; so I hesitated no longer; and started to fill out the form.

''Armin, move,'' I heard someone say- but I wasn't paying any attention;

''What? Why?''

''Just move,''

''There's three empty seats over there!''

''No, I wanna' sit here,''

''Fine.''

Armin scooted his chair back- got up- and moved to the other side of the large rectangular table holding thirty people or so,

Someone different had taken the seat next to me-

And immediately, as his hands brushed a strand of hair behind my ear- I knew exactly who it was,

Eren.

When I look at him; He smiles at me- smirks, actually.

That sexy smirk.

I can tell Levi had saw that- Because for every minute- he kept sending Eren deadly glares.

Like I fucking care.

And If I hadn't have been nervously shy earlier; I'm not really sure what this new clenching gut pain in my stomach was.

______________________

When I had sneezed; a very light, and soft sneeze; all eyes around the table were on me.

Men and women.

And I could feel all the eyes boring into my soul,

Eyes interested in me.

The queasy feeling in my stomach never subsided.

But instead; it got worse,

Male eyes that are undressing me from my clothing; picturing me In many ways,

Disturbing ways,

Perverted ways.

But all the eyes look away from me when Hanji clears her throat,

For the remaining meeting; I feel- I still feel those same eyes on me,

Drowning me,

Like that beautiful ocean I almost died In,

No, I must not think about that terrible, beautiful tragedy.

It was so serious, yet no one even knew- they still don't know.

''As all of you know; This hotel Is called the Saccharine- The grand Saccharine,'' Hanji announces- 

I write this down; shifting my legs,

Everyone else writes this information down;

Eren looks over my shoulder; at my handwriting, and smiles.

I have very, Very, neat handwriting, so it's easy to read,

''It's up there- You don't need to look at mine's'' I whisper lowly to him; 

He chuckles quietly in return;

''What would be the fun in that?'' He whispers, quietly scooting his chair closer to me,

All of my classmates and other friends are here too,

''I'm sure all of you already know the basics; So let's move on!'' Hanji exclaims cheerfully, kicking over the small set-up board beside her, and throwing on her lab-coat,

''Hanji, You moron,'' Levi grouches, folding his arms,

''You are still the same as ever..'' Petra sighs,

''Some things never change,'' Mike sighs as well,

Hanji starts rambling on about her new role in our school; in biology class,

''Get to the point, four eyes,'' Levi slithers,

''Okay, Okay! I'll get straight to the questions!''

Just as I thought my worry would finally leave-

I feel a hand sliding up my thigh-

His hand.

Eren's hand.

It slides all the way up to my middle area- rubbing at my panties,

I quickly turn my head to him, out of sheer panic-

But he only smirks- moving closer until his lips reach my ears-

''You should try to stay quiet- Don't want anyone to hear, Now do we?'' He says; sticking his fingers inside my underwear on the last few words he says-

The feeling of his fingers touching me; the heat of his skin, connecting with mine;

I have to bite my bottom lip- hard- to keep from screaming aloud,

hearing my own ''hum'' which was just a muffled moan; due to the fact that I bit my nail-

I knew I was a bit too loud; luckily, no one noticed-

''Mikasa, what do you think of It?'' I heard Hanji ask me,

trying my best to keep from shaking too much- to keep from moaning, I move slightly, turn my head slightly,

I clutch the pen in my hand slightly; And I can see Jean, Armin, Bertholdt and Reiner looking at me,

This isn't good...

I need to pretend- But it's so damn hard to even begin; when you have fingers rubbing at your most sensitive spot,

Especially fingers of a guy that's your own teacher,

''T-think... Of what..?'' I ask her, shifting my legs underneath the table,

''...Of me as your new teacher...'' 

''Oh! Right, Um..'' I say 

''Mikasa, are you sure you're feeling alright-''

''I'm fine!'' I manage to say,

I feel his hands venture inside- but not completely inside yet,

Enough to make me whimper,

I'm aware that I'm blushing; and that my eyes are slanted; wanting sex,

''...Okay, so, what do you think?'' Hanji asks, looking quite sad,

but it isn't that I don't like her- because, actually, I do. She's a great teacher,

But I just can't answer properly..

''I.... T-think, that you are... A really beautiful woman; A-and t-that... You.. Would m-make a great teacher...'' I slur,

At this point; all my friends are looking at me; And Eren probably is, too.

''Awe! Thank you, Mikasa!'' Hanji thanks me,

Levi seems intense with his stares toward me; 

''Are you sure you're alright?'' Levi asks me,

And I knew it was coming soon;

I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid him.

He's unavoidably annoying.

''Yes.'' Is all I say- and Eren's hands actually enter me this time-

A very small- light moan escapes me; and I feel so embarrassed.. 

It sounded like a breathy gasp,

''I don't really think you are-''

''Well, I'm sorry you feel that way.'' I say;

Hanji, sensing the tension in the air; so thick that you could just grab it, spoke up-

''Okay.. Well.. Before we go.. Could you all share some of you're Ideas or anything...Just for use to get to know you..'' Hanji awkwardly asks

While someone stands to talk; Eren moves closer to my ear again, taking this as his advantage;

''I want to hear you moan,'' He tells me- nibbling my earlobe- 

and from just hearing his voice; I could have moaned,

''N-no, S-stop It.. We can't d-do this here!'' I whisper, trying to push him off me,

But it doesn't work,

His fingers go faster, and faster,

And I imagine Him inside of me,

Pounding me-

I'm close to cumming- so close,

Until he pulls his fingers out of me, 

putting them in his mouth; all the while looking at me,

The memory from when he...

It was all too much for me,

I truly am a slut,

I really am.

But now, the feeling of his fingers inside me lingers, and I can still feel him,

I am addicted.

And sexually frustrated,

''Well, That's really all, that we needed to discus- So let's hit the pool!'' Hanji happily exclaims; grabbing Levi by the arms; pulling him outside-

The other teachers follow them; including Eren, who winks at me before leaving,

Now it's awkward.

Really awkward.

Armin stays; Since he's the guidance of the hotel for our stay.

But his eyes never leave me,

Jean looks at me as If he wants to ask me something;

But I have no Interest In talking to that Idiot,

''What was that Mikasa-''

''Why does It matter?'' I ask Jean; 

''Because We're friends!''

Annie, Reiner, Hitch, Bertholdt, Marco, Daz, Marlowe, Armin, Thomas, Mina, Connie, sasha, and the rest all look us; Jean and I.

But As I said,

I'm not interested In him, nor this conversation,

''No, Jean; We are not,'' I sigh, getting up from the table- 

So does Annie and all of the girls; as I start to walk off,

''Mikasa, Come back here!'' He yells,

''Leave her alone, Jean! Can't you see that she isn't into you?'' Historia asks, holding on to Ymir,

But I do nothing but walk off- and back upstairs to my room, and so do the girls.

''Yep, Whoever she's dating right now- Is definitely not Fuckin' her enough,'' Reiner jokingly says,

''Shut up, Reiner!''

''But did you see that ass?!'' Connie asks-

''Connie, don't you have a girlfriend?" Bertholdt asks him;

''I'm just bein' honest!''

''That Jaeger teacher-Guy and Mikasa is suspicious- If you ask me,'' Reiner explains,

Armin had heard this; and thought about what eren had said the other day in his car,

And suddenly; it all occurred to him,

''You're right, Reiner. And I'm gonna' find out what.'' Jean says, getting up from the table, and heading outside with the others,

_____________________________

Annie, Historia, Sasha, Mina, Ymir, and Hitch had already changed into their own swimsuits; and left outside for the party,

But I told them I'd be there In a minute-

I was still sexually frustrated, and I still needed to change into my swimsuit,

It was a black, bikini- Which revealed a little much;

Historia also bought this for me- said she wanted to do all the shopping for me,

But... She got it in a smaller size than what I suppose to wear,

so It really stuck to my body-

And I feel so naked in it, so, so naked.

I don't see how any other girls feel so good wearing things like this...

Putting my hair into a ponytail, and slipping on my loose sweater; that keeps sliding off my shoulders, I walk out of the door,

Down the stairs,

And outside the hotel of Saccharine,

Saccharine Is just a fancy name for sweet, really.

Walking outside, on the side-walk of the pool, the breezy air hits my skin, blowing loose strands of hair,

And again; I feel all eyes on me- And the many whispers that were a little to loud-

''Goddamn,'' One guy says,

''Shit, guys, I think I just got a boner!'' That voice belonged to Marco, 

Unusual; because Marco doesn't say things like that... 

''Come on In, The waters' warm,'' Daz slurs, licking his lips-twice.

the more people say things; the more uncomfortable I feel-

Reiner does A hand motion; symbolizing him grabbing breasts,

Bertholdt Holds up a finger on one of his hands; and the other forms a circle with his thumb and pointing finger- And he connects them together- again and again,

I feel so humiliated.... So exposed, so I try to cover myself with my loose sweater,

''Why don't you just take It all off~~?'' A drunken voice asked- One I didn't recognize,

''Shut up, Porco!'' The female named Pieck yelled to the drunk boy.

That's right, Porco, Pieck, Zeke, and Colt were the Guests of the party; 

But that Isn't important right now.

I want to run,

I want to hide,

I take my arm and cover my breasts from everyone-

''Leave her alone- You're making her uncomfortable!'' Annie angrily says, swimming to the pool stairs' to grab my hand,

But I reject,

''Kasa, You know I won't let them do a damn thing to you- So come on,'' She takes my hand;

''Plus, You owe me; you didn't go to Ymir's party- And I was waiting all night for you!'' 

For some reason-

for whatever reason- I felt a little bit more calm, so I went In;

Which was the biggest mistake of my life, or one of them,

Like trusting Levi- But I'm not going to think about him now-

As soon as I got in; Everyone started cheering and clapping- And I felt something behind me;

It was hands, 

hands rubbing my backside, My ass,

And I didn't like it,

I sped up my pace- keeping up with Annie,

But I had looked down at my feet-

And I felt my heart reverberate in my ears;

Beating like a hammer against cloth,

It was exactly the same; As when I was drowning.

I'm feeling myself fade..

I don't wanna ruin anyone's time at this party... So I say things in my head;

Breath,

Breath,

It Isn't real,

Breath,

I open my eyes; and I noticed Annie wasn't holding my hand anymore, she had gone to talk with armin; who was sitting on one of the beach chairs; Flirting with him.

Historia; Who was talking with Jean- About something that seemed a little serious,

Hitch and marlowe; In the corner of the pool kissing each other passionately,

Sasha with connie; having a swimming race,

Leaving me all alone with them;

I swam towards Historia and Jean; who seemed jumpy upon my arrival, 

''Have you guys' seen Mina?'' I ask them,

''N-no...'' Historia suspiciously says;

But Jean doesn't even answer me,

Whatever.

I Swim back to the stairs of the pool, ready to leave; but I see Eren coming out of the door- So I get up to go talk to him-

''Hey,'' I say to him; and he does that smile at me,

''Hey,''

And we walk side by side, to go sit down across from the pool.

_____________________________________________________

''Jean.. I don't know..'' Historia says,

''What Is there to know?'' Jean says,

''Well... Mikasa Is my friend..''

''Is she really, though? I mean, Doesn't it bother you that she's getting all of this Attention- She's steeling your Reign of thunder,'' Jean says, while he and Historia watch Mikasa and Eren talk,

''....It does seem that way..'' Historia mumbles,

''Besides, We need to show the world what she really Is,'' Jean says, swimming closer to the edge of the pool to hear Mikasa and Eren's conversation,

''What Do you think they're talking about?'' Historia asks;

''Whatever It is; She seems content About it'' Jean answers-

''Should we take the pictures now, Jean?''

''Yeah, It's best If we do,'' 

And they both exit the pool; running around to the edge, hiding behind a large stubble bush, as Historia grabs her phone from the small pouch beside the bush.

And when Mikasa and Eren get closer than close; Historia takes this time to snap the picture-

''It's not enough; But My dad will be able to edit it a little- Make It look believable'' Historia whispers to Jean, snapping multiple photo's,

''Once she realizes that everyone knows about the 'slut side' of her; She'll come crawling to me,'' Jean explains,

''I still feel a little...weird... About this..Jean,''

''Don't worry- You'll have your popularity back, soon,''

''Thanks, Jean,''

''No problem- What does she see In him?! He's too small for her...

''What does that even mean?" Historia asks,

''Y'know... He wouldn't be able to satisfy her like I could..''

''Jean, No offense but; I don't really... Nevermind,'' Historia sighs,

''Just look at her- He just Kissed her!'' Jean yells, pointing,

''I heard; he has muscles on his cock,'' 

''Did you get that; Historia?!'' Jean asks,

''Yep, I got It!''

''Everyone will know about her true self; by tonight,''

_____________________________________________

''Eren!'' Mikasa yells, Arching her back,

Eren had volunteered to massage Mikasa's back- Because she deserved it-

They were sitting in the back of the hotel; at the Jacuzzi; that only teachers were allowed at,

But the hotel was so big, that they could fit three different Jacuzzi's In one;

Mikasa and Eren snuck Into the medium-sized one,

He was only massaging her- Yet she couldn't stop moaning when his hot hands touched her back,

''What?'' He laughs;

''Stop T-touching me like.. that!'' 

''If you're moaning like this now; I can't wait to hear you when My cock is pounding inside of you~'' He whispers In Mikasa's ears; sexually,

Mikasa can't help but feel hot, and wet at the same time,

She kisses Him; and he, her- turning her head to him.

He suckles on her tongue; exchanging saliva.

''We c-can't do this h-here-''

''This is clearly a bad time.'' Armin gasps-

Mikasa gasps- covering herself with her arms-

But Eren only hugs her closer to his chest; Proving that she Is his,

''For us, No. For you, yes.'' Eren muses, as Mikasa blushes- looking everywhere but at Armin,

''So that's what you were doing, Mikasa,'' Armin looks at her,

''...I..'' 

''Eren, we'll talk about this later on- Right now, Hanji is looking for you,''

''Why?'' Mikasa asked, wanting Eren to stay there with her,

''Because you two need to be separated- and she needs an assistant-''

''She can just ask Levi.'' Mikasa grumbles-

''It's okay, Mikasa. Besides; We can wait til' later- When everyone is asleep,'' He winks at her, getting up from the spot beside the Jacuzzi,

''Gross, Eren,'' Armin and Eren leave around the corner,

Mikasa gets up, deciding to go and find Annie; while she waits for Eren to come back,

_______________________________________________________________________

Everyone Started to pack up the party materials, and Mikasa noticed that she kept getting weird stares; stares that were different from before,

they looked at her as If she was some type of Porn-star,

Shaking her head, she started walking off to get to the ''Barn'',

or... The storage room, that's what she'll call it,

Once she got inside the storage room; she didn't close the door behind her;

and got to work immediately, stacking the chairs above the hay,

when she got done stacking the last chair; she heard a knock at the door,

Carefully, not falling in the hay, She scurried to the door to open it; thinking that It was a teacher,

Which It was,

But not any teacher- It was Eren,

Why was he there?

''Eren...''

When he came In, he closed the door and locked it behind him,

''Thought You might have needed some help-''

''Yeah, right,'' She replies,

''...Are you mad at me?'' he asks her,

''No. I'm not,'' She stubbornly says, brushing that same tress of hair behind her ears, looking at everything but him,

''You are,'' He moves closer to her,

''No, I am not!'' 

''What did I do-''

''What did you do?! What do you mean what did you do?!''

''Why are you angry at me-''

''For.... What you did.. at the round table!'' Mikasa knew it was a bit modest to bring this up, from hours ago when It happened, but she just wants to know why he did it; not that it bothered her-

''What happened at the round table?'' He smirks- knowing exactly what she's talking about,

''You know!'' she blushes,

''You're gonna' have to explain, Mika,'' He teases her,

''When you...The thing with your fingers.. In me- W-when you...''

''Ah, right. That, well.. because,'' he moves closer-

''Because what?!''

''Was there someone special you wanted?'' He asks, looking evenly hurt,

''What? No- Just answer my question-''

''So there Is someone you like?''

''Eren, No, there isn't-''

''So what's happening here? Am I just your sexual rebound?!''

''Eren, you aren't listening to me- There isn't anybody-''

She moves to him, standing on her tippy-toes; grabbing his face gently in both her hands-

''There isn't anyone else, but you. If you want... I will look at you; and only you. I'm so sorry if I hurt you, but I promise; It's you,'' She kisses him; and he kisses her back; sloppily,

Their kiss intensifies, nothing can be heard but Mikasa's soft moans- lips smacking against each other; 

and the rain that begins to pour, lightly,

then it goes harder,

He wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him,

he rubs his hands over the clasp of her bra, and unclasps it,

It falls to the ground, just like both of their saneness,

He then moved his manly hands to her hips, squeezing gently,

Mikasa gasped,sucking gently on his tongue, and so does her,

The kiss started to get deeper than before, as he ravishes her mouth, 

wobbly, he led them up against the wall, kissing her- traveling down to her neck,

''I missed your body, Mi,'' Eren says, planting hickeys along her neck,

Mikasa couldn't help but let out a low moan; from his actions and his words, 

dragging his fingers along her bare, and beautiful stomach, his fingers found it's way down to her lower half,

''I-I d-did t-too,'' Mikasa moans,

''Did ya' now?'' He asks, rubbing her clit slowly,

"You like that don't you?'' he purrs,

He trails his tongue around her breasts, taking them in his mouth- sucking with pure devotion,

She moves at his every touch, wanting to feel him all over.

he lifts her up, carefully, bringing her to the table that she hadn't put up when she were on cleanup-duty,

He places her down softly, and spreads her legs, apart-

Bending down so that his head is to her middle area,

He places his teeth on her panties- pulling it down. 

Mikasa feels the air on her clit; and Eren's tongue-

He pressed his fingers down on her clit, swirling his fingers;

''Ah!'' Mikasa moans at the feeling,

and Eren loves it,

He spits on her clit, spreading his contents all over her lower half, sucking and flicking her moist, wet, pussy folds,

It doesn't take long for her to cum this time; Since she was already so wet and bothered,

''Good girl,'' he whispers in her ear,

''E-eren... C-can I....''

''Can you what?'' he teases,

''Can I... p-please... Suck your..''

''My what?'' Again, he teases- knowing exactly what she wants,

she touches the bulge in his pants-

''You want my cock?''

''Y-yes..."I told you, E-eren, I need you! My body n-needs you..." mikasa moans-

Eren chuckled- ''you want it?''

''Yes.. I-I want.. It.. So b-badly,'' she says, grabbing his hips, and kissing the bulge in between his legs;

''Alright then- Here it is;'' He says, unzipping his pants, and pulling them down- revealing his manly-underwear,

Mikasa felt so hot; And kissed his cock from the outside of his underwear-

Eren hisses-

She then pulled down his underwear, as his cock bounces out,

she doesn't hesitate to wrap her lips around his thick, bulging cock,

Sucking passionately; nibbling his tip lightly, she lets soft moans escape her lips,

Eren groans- hissing at the pleasurable feeling,

" Such a pretty little slut, begging for me; you want it that badly? Beg some more." he growled the last word.

''I love your cock, E-eren..'' she moans against his tip

''Yeah- Right there,'' he groans,

she wrapped her fingers around his cock; and flexed her wrist while she jerked him off into her mouth,

She wanted all of him inside of her mouth,

she took him out of her mouth, licking him top and bottom.

''Fuck...Yeah..'' He groans, massaging her head from above,

Even though she's just sucking him- she feels him inside her so much,

she feels him so much,

Soon, he cums, into her mouth- and she swallows it all,

Like the good girl she is.

''Baby girl, you don't know how bad I wanna' pound into you right now,'' he grunts, coming down from his high,

He then moves back to her lips, kissing her tongue, sucking her tongue.

He removed his shirt- as Mikasa sat up- waiting for him,

she moves her hand down to touch herself- but he stops her,

''Let me do it,'' he lays her back, gently, against the table,

''I... I- Don't e-even touch myself.. I-I belong.. T-to you,'' She moans-

''What a good girl; It's only right If I reward you, Hm?'' he asks, teasing her nipples with his fingers,

she moaned, arching her back upward, Nodding her head and biting her lip,

''You want me to fuck you?'' He trailed his tongue near her clit, and on her abdominal- teasing her,

''...Please.. D-do..'' she tells him- pausing for many moans,

he smiled and grazed his fingers down her stomach and down to her slit.

"Whatever you want, baby girl." he slid a finger inside of her already wet hole,

she thrust-ed into his touch; moaning loudly,

''Eren..~'' she moans, pushing herself into his fingers.

he slid in two more digits.

"Yes, baby?" he curled a finger inside of her, watching her writhe underneath him. 

''Put it in-Inside o-of me..''

So he does,

he slams in inside of her

they both moan at the sensation; he pauses-

''Each and every time I thrust into you; Scream my name,'' he hotly breaths into her ear-

She nods, as he lifts up one of her legs, and places it over his shoulders-

noticing he hadn't started moving- ''F-fuck me...'' she said,

''What's the magic word?'' 

''P-please...bump into me as hard as you want- You can do whatever you want to my body, E-eren..'' She moans, and with that, he pounds into her- Hard-

''You're so tight!'' he grunts, thrusting into her,

he relished her tight walls wrapping his cock, smirking at her sexual expression.

"Ah!" Mikasa moaned, clenching her walls around his cock and her leg over his shoulder,   
"Daddy! You- you're s-so big!" she moaned, thrusting her hips with his pace,

He's aware she called him ''Daddy'', and that only made him even more hard,

he groaned and bucked his hips faster. 

"You're so tight, baby." he leaned down and swirled his tongue around her nipple. 

''Eren- Mm~ harder'' she moans-

He smiled as he nibbled on the nub before running his tongue over it, 

he wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up onto him,

she was straddling him, while he gripped her hips with one hand and her hair in the other.

he pulled her in for a passionate kiss as he continued to ram into her,

shee moaned into the kiss,

and Eren sucked on Mikasa's tongue,

She bounced up and down while he pounded into her,

He pulled away- "Your moans are so pretty, baby." he says,

he moved her unto the hay-filled floor- and hovered over her. 

"But I want to hear your screams." he groans, in her ear- and With that,

he thrusted into her HARD and moved at great speed as he held her legs apart,

"AH! FUCK- IT FEELS S-SO GOOD~~'' she screams- scratching at her back- causing him to groan,

He panted and groaned at the feeling of her nails scratching his back.

he never knew he had a scratching kink- her doing it to him, only.

"Mm~ Eren- Your cock is so big~'' she screamed, moving her hand to hold down her bouncing breasts- feeling her climax approach.

he rammed into her with; bucking his hips,

''Damn It, Mikasa!'' he panted; kissing her beautiful; soft lips,

''E-eren! I feel you so far inside of me!" she moaned out, the coil in my tummy tightening.

''I'm gonna' cum soon!'' He grunts,

The sensation of Eren's hands on her clit was only pushing Mikasa closer and closer to her approaching orgasm.

 

"Daddy," she managed to get out. "Go- gonna cum!'' she screamed in pleasure-

He moved his hips even faster,

And soon Mikasa cums- shaking from the impact-

Eren felt her on his cock- and was so close to the edge-

Just when Mikasa thought it was over- he removed his cock, he lifted her up- and placed her on her backside.

He then lifted up one of her legs; and inserted his cock again-

''I haven't cum yet'' He whispered in her ears- then proceeds to pound into her,

''MM~ YEAH~'' She screams, thrusting her own hips toward him,

''Cum for me, baby'' He pants,

she threw her head back against him- squirting her cum; with him inside of her, screaming, moaning,

He thrust into her one last time,

before releasing inside of her walls. -"Good girl.." he said, kissing her on the forehead and pulling out. 

She collapsed against him; and he caught her before she hit the ground,

''Let's go to my room;'' he lifts up the weak Mikasa, 

searches around the room for their discarded clothes,

and dresses the both of them,

____________________________

At exactly two o:clock at night; an hour after Eren had snuck into the hotel; and carried her up to his room- Mikasa had woken up from a hot dream,

in the dream; she felt Eren inside of her again- and the dream had gotten so insanely hot that she woke up in a sweat,

she began to touch herself- sticking her fingers in her mouth- imagining it as Eren's cock,

and the good fucking she got in the storage room might have been one of the most greatest feelings she had ever gotten,

but it wasn't enough,

She got up from the bed; and opened the ''Teachers' only'' drawer, 

she was looking for something to satisfy herself with.

She didn't want to wake Eren- because she thought that he might have been too tired, plus; she couldn't really ask him- she were too shy... Too weak,

thinking back on it- she had called him ''daddy'', which was weird; because she... never says that.

But the way he pounded into her; she wanted to call him more than that,

finding exactly what she was looking for; which was a ton of Dildo's and adult sex tools;

That's why the hotel is called the grand Saccharine; because It was so sweet and mature- but the college students weren't allowed to use these; because of the males' horny behavior- And the teachers didn't want to hear any of the many moans.

she picked up a Dildo; that resembled Eren's cock. Only it was smaller,

It'll have to do,

laying back on the bed; she rubbed her clit; fingering herself, sticking the dildo inside of her mouth; sucking on it,

picturing Eren in her mouth, 

she moans his name-

waking Eren up from his slumber,

he rubbed his eyes; awakening to see a moaning Mikasa.

''What are you doing?'' 

she gasps, removing her fingers from her panties;

''I... I was just..''

noticing exactly what she was doing- he smirked;

''Why Is it that you have a plastic dick in your hands?''

''....I-''

''You're being disobedient, Mika,'' he says,

''I-I'm sorry, I couldn't... I c-couldn't contain myself'' she whispers, apologizing,

''Hm... You need a punishment,'' he says, groaning,

''P-punishment?'' Mikasa asks,

''I told you not to fuck yourself- cause' I'm here to do it, But you did so anyway,''

''E-eren-''

he started kissing her wet lips- squeezing her butt-cheeks-

all he had to do was slide her bra and panties off; since they were already loose,

as for him; all he did was remove his robe;

He wasted no time to insert his cock- all the while having three fingers inside of her, pumping her in and out,

Yes E-ere... need your cock so badly, please, please I need you in me... need your big, thick manly cock in my dripping hole please,~, f-fuck I need you so bad! Wanna feel you deep in me... gonna feel so good when you knot me, please~" mikasa moans- loudly,

he smirked, and pushed two more fingers inside of her, while thrusting his cock;

"You like that, don't you, Slut? Like having my fingers deep inside you?" he shoved them in extra hard making sure to put pressure in his prostate for emphasis,

"Fuck yes, E-e-eren!" I bit my lip. 

 

"Eren's fingers- his cock is so huge!~ so good... mmm Eren, faster... hit my naughty spot again..." mikasa moans-

he moved down to the mark on her neck , scraping his teeth against it. 

she flinched and Eren felt possessiveness surge through his cock

she would not only see, but feel this mark for months to come.

he angled his cock to hit her spot again and again, 

still lapping and nipping at her neck. 

his cock throbbed inside of her; at her broken moans and whines. 

"You're so beautiful," he growled before sinking his teeth into the mark again.

she mewled and eren groaned out, "Mine," as mikasa's moans grew louder,

"Yes, yes E-eren, yours! Mark me, Eren, I W-want E-Everyone to see it! I Want them to see how slutty I am for you, Eren... yeah... Eren- faster... fuck me with your fingers Eren! I Wanna cum for Eren, and suck your big thick cock so it's all slick when you pump me! fuck Eren, gimme! Gonna cum so much for you!" 

mikasa never said such things in her life before;

but goddamn did his cock feel good,

so good that she's addicted to it.

nobody feels better than he does; nobody can fuck her like he could,

he sped up his pace-

"Good little slut. Spill all your pretty white cum all over my cock. Make a mess of yourself." eren groans.

 

he kissed her sloppily, his fingers pumping in and out of her pussy at a rapid pace.

he pinned both her arms down; keeping her from grabbing anything for support-

he paused in between to massage her sweet spot with his cock-

"Cum all over Daddy's hand," eren growled lapping at the mark again. 

"Nnghhh, yeahhhhh, ! I... I ahhh!" she cums-

cum spilled all over, pouring out of mikasa, and covering his hand as he pumped her.

"Like ~ahhhhhh~ like that, Eren?" she asked, clenching around his fingers as they still teased her prostate.

he smiled and kissed her-

''Yeah, Just like that,''

he pulls out of her-

''Wanna' do something for me?'' he asks her- holding his cock,

''Y-yes.. W-what I-Is I-It?''

''C'mere,'' he growles huskily 

and she does as told, crawling to him on the bed-

he leaned against the headboard on his knees- As his huge length stood proud between his legs,

Mikasa licks hungrily at his cock, wet with precum.

She sucked at the sides, licking up and down before opening her mouth wide and sucking on the head. 

she pulled off with a loud wet pop, moaning and licking her lips before sucking him back into her mouth, taking more.

she kept my throat totally relaxed and fed his length in bit by bit, bobbing my head slightly until;

"Easy, don't hurt your throat... fuck... mmh... that feels good. Your mouth is so wet. Can you take me all the way?" Eren teases, knowing she could,

"So pretty, sucking my cock." he groans,

she pulled off again, tonguing his slit and licking his precum from her lips. 

 

"Eren's cock is so big..." she licked him from root to tip.

"So yummy... I wanna choke on Your thick cock... wanna feel it fill up my throat," Mikasa moaned, moaned, lapping at his crown lewdly before sinking onto it again. 

"Mmh, Baby takes my cock so well. Fuck," I moaned. "Look so pretty on my cock." Eren growls- admiring her pretty face,

she couldn't help but get so wet from his praises-

''Fuck, baby your throat feels so good." he tells her,

 

his hips bucked into the heat. his cock pulsed precum; causing him to groan, hid climax approaching faster than he'd wanted,

she swallowed around him and let him fuck her throat, her fingers gripping his hips.

They traveled over his hip bones, where he was sensitive. she looked up and saw his face screwed up like it gets when he's about to cum,

suddenly, he pulled away from her- turning her over to her back side-

''Why'd... Y-you t-take i-it away f-from m-me?'' Mikasa moans- feeling his cock enter her anus-

''Cause' This is your punishment-''

''Oh, Eren!'' She screams from the pleasure-

"Your ass is so tight; too tight for a slut like you. I should fuck you more often," he groans- pounding into her from behind-

''"Oh~ yes,, please! I want your cock," Mikasa whined, enjoying the hot fullness of having him inside her. It was the best feeling in the world.

he pulled all the way out only to slam back in. he moaned, "Look at you all stretched around my cock. Taking me like the good little slut you are."

mikasa's voice catches in her throat-

"Does that feel good? Tell me how much you love this cock," Eren growled as he thrust into her- grinding against it.

"EREN! I love it so much! I Wanted you so bad! Fuck my needy ass, pound me, please, I want it! EREN'S cock feels so good in my slutty little ass! So big..." she pushed further back onto him, swiveling her hips a little, grinding on him as she savored the feeling of his length rubbing against her walls.

he watched her with hooded eyes.

Her lustful expression made Eren's cock swell more.

"Mmh, your ass feels so good baby; so beautiful." Eren kissed her neck- "You love getting fucked, don't you? So slutty for me...''

She turned my face to him, panting as he began to suck on her earlobe. 

 

", fuck my ass..." Mikasa whined. "Harder Daddy, make me feel it!" 

And when she says ''daddy'' again- his cock twitches,

Eren pulled away from her- so that Mikasa was in his laps.

using the new found leverage he pounded her. 

"Is that better? Hard enough for you?'' He asks her, bouncing her up and down on his cock,

''Mhm~'' she hums,

''Love your pussy being filled by cock don't you? Tell me how much you love it," Eren growled, his hips snapping into her tight heat.

The sound of skin slapping skin mixed with the lewd sounds of their sex filled the room. 

"Daddy~y~y~" she whimpered, her voice wavering with the rhythm of his thrusts.

Drool leaked from the corner of her mouth and she bit the sheets in bliss,

as he snapped his hips roughly.

His hands were bruising on he- hips. 

she reached forward, grasping at Eren's thigh as she keened, 

the tip of his penis ramming her sweet spot, making her vision go white and blurry at the edges. 

"So beautiful, so wrecked..." he moaned drilling her.

he could feel his cock bulging. "Fuck," he groaned; making sure to slam into Mikasa's prostate repeatedly with bruising force. 

his hands gripped her hips tightly as he lost himself in her tight heat.

she whimpered as he grunted below her. 

his legs felt like lead -and my cock was throbbing,

heavy inside of her, aching and neglected.

Eren draped himself over her, rutting roughly, and forcing his way inside of her, 

He curled her hot, pulsing organ.

she cried out as he touched her.

Partially because of the sensitivity, but also because his knot was beginning to build at the base of his cock and was catching on her rim.

He wrapped an arm across her bare back, and hoisted her upright; holding her firmly to him as he thrust his hips against her pussy, possessive growls rumbling deep in his chest. 

He came within her- deep inside of her,

and so Did she,

He kissed her on her lips- thrusting one final time;

''You're so good- So beautiful,'' he tells her- lifting her up to carry her back to her own room-

''You are the only one...'' she falls asleep- tired from the pleasurable work they had done,

she smelled of him; his scent lingered on her.

when he finally got to her door- he quickly unlocked it with the key left by her door- opened it; and flayed her on the soft bed.

Closing the door behind himself, covering her up with the soft- cold hotel covers'

____________________________________________________________________

The next morning; Jean and Historia met up in the grand Saccharine's food parlor,

He told her that he had already sent the link to everyone; And shared the pictures worldwide,

''So... What do you propose we put the pictures on?'' Historia asked, twiddling her thumb,

''What do you mean?'' Jean asked, taking a sip of his cola.

Historia felt so wrong for doing this to her friend; But then again, She thought Mikasa deserved it- She thought that Mikasa got all of the attention,

And Historia didn't like that- She wanted all of the popularity,

And this would make people see Mikasa in a new light; and soon, people will stop talking to her.

Historia would have all of her fame back,

''I mean, where'll we hang the pictures? Yeah, people have the photos' on their phones- but how long will that last?'' Historia asked-

''Oh, right! Um, Well... We'll just put them on the schools' build-board- No, the advertisement board!'' Jean explains; getting all sorts of ideas'

''But... We aren't even at school-''

''We'll just hang them up when we get back to the school- But not at the hotel- Because we don't wanna' ruin Hanji's... You know-''

''Yeah. So... Do you think everyone got the pictures already?'' Historia asked, finally picking up a fry; and eating it politely,

''I'd say that at least some people did- Judging by the looks' on those guys' faces'' Jean explains- Pointing his finger at a group of boy's holding phones,

''Damn It-'' One guy says;

''Wow; You'd think she wouldn't be the type to do something like this,'' another one says,

''Holy shit- That's hot!''

''I really wanna hit it, now''

and the lewd comments continue- for the boy's;

As for the girls that just entered the parlor- well, the reactions were entirely different,

They called her things like: Slut, and Whore, and scum, cock-wanting, cum-dumpster,

Any and everything they could think of,

and soon- everyone in the parlor had gotten the pictures- the many pictures,

some people felt sorry for her-

some people felt aroused by It,

and they could- No, they would keep looking at the same pictures.

Over and over,

again and again,

Historia and Jean got up to leave the now crowded parlor- because the work had been done;

''She will come to me- and I'll make her beg,'' He tells Historia- and the two of them leave,

Without a single trace.

____________________

I woke up later than usual; tired from...Eren,

I realized the only thing I were wearing was that same thin white nightgown I wore two nights ago-

Last night... I said some really.... Sexual things- Like.. ''daddy'',

And I feel so stupid for saying it- literally, I embarrassed myself,

I wonder what he thought about it...

It was like... I couldn't even speak properly- nor breathe,

I was...- I was caught in his grasp,

And now- I'm even more scared and nervous to face him..

It's amazing at what sex could do to your mind,

Or better yet- What he could do to me.

It's Odoriferous, really,

I don't think I'll ever be as confident as I was last night,

But, I know that I'm weaker than before.

After I get done brushing my teeth; and combing my hair- I exit the room-closing the door behind me, of course- And walk down the stack of stairs,

I was going to wait for Historia; so that we could walk together with the rest of the girls', But I just thought she needed her beauty sleep- even though she's one of the first ones' to get up; early.

I stop at Annie's door; and I knock on it in a particular pattern, So that she knows it's me,

Thump-thump,

Thump-thump-thump,

Thump-thump-thump-thump.

But I get no answer,

Until thirty minutes after.

''Mikasa...'' she tells me; hanging on to the door for moral support,

Her degree of sleeplessness,

''Come, on. Let's go take a walk or something-''

''I... I really can't,'' she tells me-

''What do you mean?''

''I mean....I have to go see Hanji... But- I'll just skip out on it,''

''Oh, That's fine then...-''

''Oh, fuck it. C'mon Kasa'' She tells me- grabbing my hand and pulling me outside- gently,

I can tell that ''Hanji'' wasn't the reason why Annie claimed she couldn't, but I won't pry into anyone's' business- much less hers,

_______________________________

We were already outside; walking on the curve of the street-

we were going to go stick our feet in the Jacuzzi- when we saw a group of males; boys,

that consisted of; Reiner, bertholdt, Jean, and three other boys I never even met before,

When they saw Annie- They waved- but when they saw me,

I can't exactly tell what the look on their faces were- but I still felt so uncomfortable; Thinking about what Bertholdt had done with his hands when all of us were at the pool, and same for Reiner.

They all just kept staring at me- with intense eyes.

The eyes again.

''The hell are you looking at?'' Annie asked-

''Why're you hangin' out with her, still?'' I heard an unknown voice ask from the group,

''What?'' I ask,

''Come over here, Mikasa. We gotta' task for ya'' 

''Reiner, stop-'' Annie tries to say-

Bertholdt somehow found a way to sneak up behind us, Well. Me,

He had lifted me up; using his tallness to his advantage; 

Sticking his hands inside of my underwear- while Reiner ran up to us- groping me-

It all happened so fast- That Annie wasn't able to process it fast enough.

but it all sunk into her head after awhile- and she Immediately acted out of instinct.

But Bertholdt and The group moved out of the way- Dodging her kick,

Unfortunately; Reiner didn't move quick enough; and he suffered the hard kick.

He fell to the ground; clutching his gut, his stomach as he coughed from the impact.

Bertholdt came to his service, lifting his arm up; and around his neck-

''We were only trying to feel you- I mean, To see if you really were a G cup!'' He lied- supporting reiner over him.

''What's wrong with you?'' I ask- feeling violated and ever more uncomfortable,

''Kasa...-''

''What Is wrong with you?!'' I ask, as I start to tear up- pulling my dress down,

''Kasa... Don't cry!'' Annie pats my back friendly, ushering for us to leave back to the hotel.

But I start to sniff, as loose tears fall freely from my eyes.

''It's okay- Don't worry. I'll get them back for you.''

____

When we got back to the hotel, the eyes never left me.

Annie and I parted ways to go to our rooms',

I heard whispers.

And When I walked past some people, I heard weird sounds erupt from their' mouths'

Such as mocking moans- As they pretended to hold something in their hands- jerking it off.

I knew exactly what that was.

I hadn't seen Eren either,

But I saw Levi, and the rest of the teachers that weren't Eren.

They were talking about something very Important; But he took a glance at me.

I quickly look away, running softly up the trail of stairs.

_______________________________________________

''Slut,''

''Whore,''

''Cum-dispenser,''

''Skank,''

''Prostitute,''

The words just wouldn't stop coming,

''Porn-star,''

''Look at that Bitch,''

''Now; My boyfriend wants to leave me for her! Can you believe that?!''

They never stopped coming.

''Well. At least now we have somethin' good to whack off to,''

''She sells her body for money! such a shame- cause' She had a nice fucking body,''

''I would love to get in that!''

''There goes my chances with her.''

And they would never stop coming.

Because they had some sort of photo's... That I didn't get a chance to see,

I don't have my phone anymore.

It was crushed in the street, by the hands of my demon.

But they had the pictures of me- doing things that I never had done before,

Getting and Idea; I just remembered,

There was a laptop; hidden in the shelf of the closet;

not hesitating to get it; I opened the closet door- grabbed the dusted laptop,

took a seat on the bed; opened it-

The laptop had been hidden there for me; Sasha and Hitch told me that I'd need some sort of device for the latest gossip happening around the hotel,

It was once Hitch's- But she had gotten a new one for her birthday; and since she were my friend- she gifted it to me.

Much to my surprise; Her and Marlowe were the laptops' screen-saver; they were kissing, and it looked like the photo had been taken by a professional.

We all knew she had a thing for Marlowe.

I pressed the enter button; and was greeted with the Spark app.

It was already opened in the web; 

the spark app was just the Instagram app; but that had recently gotten removed from all devices- because if technical difficulties.

A predicament.

What caught my eyes; was an account called: ''Exposing_S'' 

When I clicked on the profile; It had a bunch of dirty pictures.

Pictures of some girls I didn't even know,

Pictures of lewd text messages', And items,

so much dirty things.

But what really caught my eyes the most of all; was a photo of a girl with medium-length black hair,

A girl; named Mikasa Ackerman.

Me.

...I... Was smiling at something; looking up at the camera, While my breasts were exposed to the view..

I never took a picture like that in my life!

What the hell was this?!

Scrolling down; I found.... comments-

What also got to me- Was that the accounts ''name'' wasn't actually @Exposing_s, but it was called; ''Mika-Kasa''

.........

Was this someone trying to impersonate me?!

Well, yes, obviously, It is.

But...Why?!

The caption of the picture was:

''I'm so bored! Anybody wanna' play with me?''

I would never say anything like that! Not ever!

The comments were so.... so disgusting,

''I'll play wit you,'' one of the comments read- misspelling words

''I just came.'' the other comment read,

there was so much more- making me feel sick and disgusted-

there was a bunch of other pictures, too.

One of them; one of the pictures had something in my mouth-

And I knew exactly what It was.

Didn't they all know that I didn't..... That I don't even have a phone?

The last photo had something.

Something that actually happene.

It was of Eren and I.

He was kissing down my neck- as I held my head up for him. His arms were rapped around me as well.

W-when did they even get this?! How??!

closing the laptop rather hard; I put it on the bed; and begin to cry,

I Cried and cried and cried.

I cried my heart out,

Well would you look at that.

I'm sobbing; curled up- tucking my knees against me; crying like a little baby.

Is this the price I have to pay?

And I know that they have those pictures; just locked into their phones.

Odoriferous.

Even If they did delete it- It'll still remain there.

Because nothing's ever truly deleted.

Besides- It'll always remain inside all of their brains'.

That's the power; of the memory,

They will cherish the pictures;

they will feed off the memories of it,

They will do whatever they want with them, Imagining themselves within me,

And it disgusts me.

So I lay here- and I cry; until me hearts' content.

the students not only laughed when I was called a "slut" or a "whore",

but also;.. They joined in.

One by one.

Another student also hit on me because of my "title."

The worst experience was when another kid groped me,

When Bertholdt touched me.

When Reiner humiliated me.

_________________________________________

Eren had been so busy all day; that he didn't have any time to go see his love.

But, now that he's done with It all- He can finally go see her.

Last night; she was so dirty- So sexy, so hot.

She always is,

But the words she said- 

Truly, he loves this girl.

Everything about her.

so when he saw her crying out front by the pool; he didn't know what to do,

He had saw her crying before- on their first encounter with each other- but this was different.

She looked really, really hurt this time.

Not hesitating; he walked up to her and took a seat next to her,

she seemed jumpy;

\-----

''Where's Eren and Mikasa?'' Levi asked; Looking at Erwin who had just arrived today.

\-----

''What's wrong?'' Eren asked Mikasa; as she sobs, biting her nail,

''.....Nothing!''

''You're so stubborn,'' He chuckles,

''Why are... You here?'' She asks him,

'''Cause' I saw you; and was lookin' for you,''

She wipes here eyes clean; and looks at him-

''And why's that?'' She asks; With a pleadingly Innocent voice.

Her Innocence was forming something in him,

''You called me Daddy,'' he smirks,

She feels so embarrassed- so she looks the other way, as her hair blows with the wind,

''It's alright; I loved It;'' He smirks again,

he then lifts her up; and sits her on his laps; 

It surprised Mikasa- It did,

but she took comfort to the beating of his heart.

She was shorter than him by a few inches; so she fit perfectly,

He kisses her forehead,

''Eren.... I'm hurting..'' she cries;

''Where?''

''All over...''

''Why- What's wrong?'' he asks her, concerned,

She wanted to tell him- tell him everything; 

But she couldn't.

Because she's too weak.

Too powerless,

''Nothing... Just forget I said anything..'' She gets up off of his laps, walking into the small room beside the pool;

He follows her-

''No, tell me;'' He demands,

''Nevermind...Its nothing..'' She tries to leave the room after she grabbed her slippers from the self; but he blocks the way of the door,

"Wait just a minute there, darlin'. Where're you goin'?" He's holding her in place, preventing her from moving away.

She gasps from the surprise; 

"You're hurting me," she squeaks, desperately trying to slide out of his grasp by pushing at his tightly coiled fingers with her free hand.

But he was too strong.

''You've been acting so strange lately;' He explains, loosening his hand a little- because he didn't want to hurt her.

He kicks the door closed with his foot; pining her arms against the wall.

''N-not here! S-somebody might h-hear u-us'' She tells him,

''You best be be quiet, then- Though I doubt you'd be able to; I'm gonna' make you scream'' He growls,

''W-Were g-going t-to get caught!'' She says-

''Good. Then everyone will know that you belong to me;''

She tries to move her arms a little, but he only smirks-

''This time; no touching,'' he breathes, whispering in her ear,

\--------

''I haven't even seen Mikasa at all today, Levi.'' Hanji tells Levi, shrugging,

''Come to think of it, I haven't seen Her since that party last night- But even so; she was so distant,'' Petra says, holding olou's hand,

''Damn It, we need more hands- these tables are heavy!'' Olou stated; removing his hand from Petra's- gently- to help Hanji, Levi, Mike and Erwin lift the round table that was on the first floor.

They only had one more day at the hotel; and they were packing up early- because they were leaving tomorrow at noon.

Well, technically- they only had a day and a half.

They would all be leaving the Grand Saccharine hotel; and Hanji would be going with them- so that she could start working at the college.

''Besides, Why're you so concerned? The hotels' as big as an elephant! Well... It's bigger- but she could probably be up in her room-'' Hanji says,

''-She Isn't- I already looked there,'' Petra explains,

''Why do you hate Jaeger so much, Anyway? Olou asked;

''He's having an affair with Mikasa,'' Levi grouches,

The group went silent for a moment;

''Isn't she eighteen?'' Petra asks,

''Yes. But sex with a teacher is prohibited either way.'' Levi tells her; lifting up a chair with no problem.

''He's twenty years old, right? That's just two years above her...'' Hanji explains,

''Fucking a student is not allowed,'' He tells her- with an Icy tone; 

''Jeez, Levi. And how do you know this?'' Hanji asks, finishing up with the decorations that they put together,

Erwin was quiet the entire time- thinking about something important.

''I know because; Last night-''

''What?! What happened last night?! Hanji excitedly asked-

''Let me finish,''

'' I just Know- her feelings for him are damned obvious. Every time someone mentions Eren's name; She makes this face-''

He heard laughter in the area-

familiar laughter,

The laughter of Mikasa.

and so did the other teachers beside him.

She was holding hands with somebody- smilling and laughing- as He kissed down her stomach-tickling her.

He then realized it was Eren.

Eren-Fucking-Jaeger.

He hates Eren Jaeger.

they were holding hands; kissing each other passionately against the wall-

but he soon led her inside; and up the stairs,

When she thought no one was looking.

But Levi saw her, and so did the other teachers.

''The fuck are you two doing?'' Levi had asked, as the others stood silent;

''The fuck does it look like?'' She asked; mocking Levi's words.

Eren always wondered why Mikasa talked to Levi like that; why she seemed so bitter towards him, but he never asked.

''You Want me to answer that?- Well It looks like you're doing something you aren't suppose to,'' Levi evenly says, 

Eren kept quiet- until mikasa told him to talk.

''Again with this?! I told you already! What does It matter about what I do??!'' she yells; pinching the bridge of her nose.

''M-mikasa, Dear..'' Petra tried to calm her down- but Mikasa had a fire lit right under her.

''Good luck getting her to calm down-When something lights a fire under her, there's no going back,'' Eren teases; smiling at her,

''Keep it shut; Jaeger,'' Olou says, While Mike sniffs the area,

''I'm just trying to protect you-'' Levi sighs,

''Protect me from what?! What could you possibly protect me from- Whatever I decide to do with My life is none of your business!'' Mikasa yells,

''Actually, It is my business-''

''Fuck you.'' Mikasa tiredly says; sticking up her middle finger to Levi- Then takes Eren's hand; and walks outside.

''Oh, my god... Levi...'' Hanji exhales,

She's too far gone for him; 

He supposes, he should just give-up.

________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhh dear. I know I went overboard with this.


	6. Contraceptive; Mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because some things are unplanned; doesn't mean that it's unwanted.  
> Mikasa confronts Historia.  
> Many secrets are hidden within.

Abortion isn't a lesser evil, it's a crime. Taking one life to save another, that's what the Mafia does. It's a crime. It's an absolute evil. 

Abortion and racism are evil twins, born of the same lie. Where racism now hides its face in public, abortion is accomplishing the goals of which racism only once dreamed. Together, abortionists are destroying humanity at a large cost.

Abortion is wrong. I think everyone knows that, which is why abortion activists are so angry all the time. It's a bit like when you catch someone out in a lie, and they get really mad at you really quickly, and you can't work out why until later. It's guilt.

Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one's own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge. 

I think that.... That there Is so much more.

There's so much left to achieve, there's so much more to do, there's so much that has not been done. Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.

But what ''Confidence'' and ''Hope'' Do I have left?

You can't build a great building on a weak foundation. You must have a solid foundation if you're going to have a strong superstructure.

But how would I do that?

Right now, I'm on the Loading-Bus; Thinking about what Hitch told me.

It had been afternoon-time, And every student loaded the bus after having a quick lunch; because The teachers' wouldn't want to hear whining students, complaining about their hunger.

No one sat next to me, Well... Not on purpose. 

Historia sat next to me; because she was my friend. I could tell that she wanted something... By the way she kept fidgeting in her seat. I noticed; sometimes she would strike glances at me from the corner of her eye.

And the teacher sitting next to her was Mrs. Petra Ral.

Mrs. Petra had been chipper this morning and so-on. And I suspect the reason of it was because of Mr. Oluo. The two of them had been so close lately; that anyone could see their feelings for each other. 

Everybody's got their own secrets. I should know that, very well.

I Can't stop thinking about Hitch; more so, what she told me. 

She had been in tears when she talked to me about it- And I worried for her. This wasn't the first time she's claimed it. 

She told me that she was pregnant; That she had been feeling strangely unusual. But I know that she isn't, really. She's been saying things like that for about three months now. I don't know how pregnancy works; But I know that she couldn't possibly be pregnant.

It isn't possible.

She also told me about aborting the baby. The baby that doesn't exist- but she thinks it does. 

That led to my thoughts about abortion from the start. I don't think that you should kill a person much less, a baby. I wouldn't be able to do It.

''Mikasa?'' 

I heard a faint voice beside me call my name; and instantly- I knew who it was.

''Hmm?'' I hummed in reply; not taking my eyes away from the window of the bus. Seemingly; watching the clouds go by and behind, was simply aesthetically beautiful. I saw a sun-setting hue beyond the air, outside, And it were truly beautiful.

''...A-are you.. Okay? You seem a bit.. Distant,'' Historia's soft, angelical voice filled my ears, and she placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder; truly, she looked worried. 

I was fine- I am fine. There's nothing wrong with me.

''I'm great, spectacularly great,'' I can't pinpoint exactly what Historia's doing, But she started to stutter; tapping things on her Tablet. It isn't any of my business, But I knew her dad was filthy-rich. I knew he bought her yet another device, that she didn;t really need.

After all, she had five different laptops', three separate phones. Says' one phone is for sending messages, the other for receiving, and the new phone she just got; well... She hasn't told us what that one was for.

Not to mention that Touchpad tablet in her hands, right now. She said that one was for her individual time

Such a waste. Her dad and her, has so, so much money; and keep it for buying useless consoles, meaningless items, and whatnot. Yet we have so, so many people who actually need that money. People who can't get their own jobs because of their family history-line. People that have to make money... In sick, gross ways.

People like me.

And Historia takes it all to her advantage, uses her name for having her ways. She doesn't give a damn about helping people, or saving people. She only wants to be called the hero; be called ''the girl who saved countless lives''.

I see right through Historia and her bullshit. And... I guess you could say- I might be a little jealous.

Not of her looks; not of her act, not of her attitude. But the way she lives- Not her richness- But at the way she decides to live.

It's a disease.

''O-oh... Well-'' Historia stopped her sentence mid-way; seeing as her girlfriend, Ymir, had traded seats with Mrs. Petra.

Oh. So that's why I hadn't heard Mrs. Petra talking- or ask us any questions.

''You better not be trying to put the moves on my girl!'' I heard Ymir announce; and she threw her arms around Historia's slim shoulders. The fact that Ymir actually thought that I'd date a girl; More like, Historia, Is really alarming. Besides... I already had my eyes on... Eren.

''Oh, stop It, Ymir!'' Historia frantically squirmed; uncomfortable between me. Although, I'm not sure why.

''That's your problem- You're too soft!'' Ymir pinched Historia's stubby cheeks.

''Ymir... I'm not a mean girl,'' Historia frowned.

Ymir stared at Historia for a while; with a questionable demeanor. The stare got intense, until Ymir spoke up again.

''Do you really mean that, Or is it all apart of your little game?''

Historia's face lit up with an expression I could not read. And usually; I could read everyone.

''....Ymir, Don't-'' Ymir then grabbed Historia's head, softly, and planted small, wet kisses on her forehead.

''Anything for you, Hisu~!'' 

And I could tell that Ymir was talking about something Important; something secretive. But It wasn't my business.

we had another full hour until we arrived back in Trost; back to the school. We were leaving Maria-district, bringing Hanji and the others' back with us.

And, when we would arrive back at the school; we would have to unpack all of our things from or dorm-rooms, we would all have to return back to our homes.

Levi and Erwin had decided this over the Intercom of the loading-bus. Said that we should all get back to our families cause' everyone needed some closure. some privacy.

But I knew the real reason why.

He wanted me to go home; and away from Eren. 

The nerve of that fucker.

Even though he said those would be our permanent rooms; since we were In college. No, The college wasn't a university-type college. It was the starting point; the place you have to go in order to get into university.

It Is what It Is.

I'm sure those people's parents' must be worried sick for them. But no, because they know where their child Is. And I'm sure.... I'm sure that they would love for them to come home.

It's weird. It is.

How one moment can go bye, so, so fast- like the speed of sound. I should have been paying attention; I should have seen it coming.

But I didn't- I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't.

It Is what It Is.

So I would have to go home. Back to the broken glass that were probably gone by now. Back to that same ocean that drowned me. Back to those same, foul memories that held me back. Back to the unstable and disabled. 

Back to that... Man.

The man with no face in my nightmares- the man who haunts me in the darkness. The man who's known as my damned demon.

I beg for mercy.

I beg for a lot of things.

But I know; that one time he told me to plead for my life, to get on my knees and plead for my fucking life, I told him that I have never pleaded for my life. And I wasn't going to start now.

I know that.

He was dead, I knew that too.

But just like I seek comfort in the darkness rather than the light; So did he. and I needed to get over his possessions.

But nothing can change the way you fear someone. Not unless you actually conquer that fear. Alot of people told me; the only thing to fear, Is fear Itself. But what of it? What of that fear?

Extended. Seeking answers.

Last time I asked a question; there wasn't a valid answer. So I don't ask anymore questions- Unless I have to.

I had been so caught up in my thoughts; That I didn't even see when Historia and Ymir moved to a different seat. Next to Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie.

Why Annie was sitting with them; Is beyond my knowledge.

They all sat on the familiar leather bus seats, talking about something on Historia's touchpad.

I didn't even notice Jean sitting beside Annie, either.

They all seemed so Intent in whatever the conversation was that they're having. I thought about joining them; Just before I saw Reiner's dingy, teasing face towards Annie. And right before my eyes; They kissed. Just like that.

Once again. the reason is beyond me. 

I felt grumbles through my stomach; and small roars. Of course, not literally.

I hadn't eaten anything but a bar of chocolate from sasha this morning; so I understand why my stomach was growling.

I was hungry. So, so hungry.

Annie had been smiling at Reiner throughout the whole time- Not a big smile. More like.. A grin.

I started to get curious.

Historia started kissing Ymir; Passionately.

My stomach grumbles started to hurt, painfully.

Jean started talking to Reiner.

My head was now throbbing, from a migraine pain. A pain I hadn't felt since My parents were murdered and thrown into the river.

I can't hear a damn thing they're talking about; I put my hand over my forehead, closing my eyes, feeling the pain in both my stomach and head.

''Jean, I'm tellin' you man.''

''Reiner... I don't know-''

''What Is there to know? Trust me on this- She's an easy girl. Just ask her out on a date; tell her you'll apologize about being an ass, and Bam! there you go!''

''You're evil, Reiner. That's why you're the best,''

''Damned If I know what's right anymore, No road left but the one that leads to the end, right?''

''Yeah. That's right.''

My head began to stir; and soon, I felt like I had to vomit. Clutching my hand to my mouth, tightly, I quickly emerge from my seat, And I run to the bathroom. Which was In the very back of the bus. I was In the front of it.

Running as fast as I could, I see new faces, and old ones.

Old ones that I don't want to.

The eyes have it.

The odds have it.

I run.

The clock ticks.

Almost there.

The clock ticks again.

My hand Is on the door handle.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.

I open the door.

Tick.

I'm inside the bathroom.

Tock.

I close the door behind me, forgetting to lock It.

The clock structs.

And I vomit, Inside of the toilet. Seeping tears from my eyes; that always happens when you throw-up your contents. Disgusting, but that's how it is.

Tick, tock.

I wipe away the access; then I turn the sink on- and place my head under it; Letting the water run down my throat. 

The bus takes a turn.

I finish washing my hands; and In comes Jean.

''You okay?'' He stands by the door; 

The bus stops at a red-light.

''Jean, go away,''

It goes after the light changes.

''...Look, I'm really sorry about being an ass during that time in the classroom.. It's just-''

''I don't want to hear It.''

''Just let me explain... I just want you to forgive me; I want us to be good friends again- Because It hurts being without you.''

I didn't know what to say at that. But I know I should forgive him,

''Whatever.'' I sigh, getting up from kneeling by the sink.

''Well... I just wanted to ask you out on a date- I-I mean... If you want! Well, it isn't really a date.. I just want to ask you out to the...Movies..''

''...I-''

''Six o'clock P.M. I wanna' make it up to you!''

''I'll go with you. But not as your date.''

''T-that's fine too-''

''Oi, It's time to go- get out of that bathroom.'' I heard Levi demand s to leave; and honestly, I'm glad he did.

I'm not really sure why I accepted Jean's stupid request, but... Perhaps it'll be a good thing.

____________________________________________________________________________

We had arrived back at the college; and all of us have already packed everything away.

''OOO-Yeah! This school Is so large- a whole titan could fit inside!'' Hanji was so happy to see the school she wanted to teach at forever. Seeing it live, and In person made her feel happy. Ecstatic. 

''Titan?'' Levi knew about her strange obsession with the mythical creatures called 'titans'. But he still asked her about it; because hearing her cheery voice puts him in a good mood.

Around others; he pretends to be annoyed by her curiosity; when really, He loves her and her company. 

I knew about Levi's crush on Hanji ever since he broke up with Petra. Levi and Petra broke up because she was cheating on him with Oluo; and he didn't really feel devoted enough with petra. He caught her in his bed with olou beside her, kissing her all over.

The two had been awkward ever since.

But somehow, Levi manages to keep that same awkwardness hidden deep within himself. 

Secrets and guys.

Though; the way that Petra and Levi act now, You'd think that they were the best of friends. Sorta.

In a way... She is his best friend. In a way, only.

I wanted to go talk to Annie; who was avoiding me all day. I'm not sure why.

When she saw me; she looked the other way, and continued doing her business,

So I went to talk to sasha...

''Sash, hey.''

''Oh, hey Mikasa!'' She had a very good attitude,

''At least you aren't avoiding me... Hey.. I have question.''

''Sure, what Is it?'' She stopped carrying her suitcase;

''Well... When we were on the bus... I saw you guys talking, and... I just wanted to know if anything was wrong with Annie?'' 

''Oh... Annie.. Well I can't tell you-''

''Why not?!''

''It's a secret!''

''A secret? What kind of-''

''Oh, Alright already! Annieandreinerweretalkingaboutyouand-''

''Sasha, slow down, I can't understand you!''

Sasha took a deep breath, and an exhale.

''Historia and Reiner were talking about you... A-and they showed me pictures... and a bunch of food and other things!-''

''Historia and Annie? What?''

''Yeah! they showed me all kinds of different foods, like riceballs and salmon paste, different kinds of lime juices-''

''Not that, Sasha! What'd you say they showed you? Pictures?''

''Oh, just pictures of you.... Naked-''

''What?!''

I gasped, taking in the shocking information.

''Yeah...''

''W-what do you m-mean naked...??!''

''Y'know.. You didn't have any clothes on and there was men holding their-''

But I can't hear her anymore. Her voice is monotonous, and blurred out of my ears. I'm just staring at sasha;

The only thing I can hear Is my own heartbeat; Pounding like a hammer through my chest.

Annie? No, she wouldn't do any thing like that! Annie has been my best friend since forever! She wouldn't do that to me..

Historia.... Wasn't an evil person, and I know she wouldn't hurt anyone. she were too nice for that.

But... Come to think of it.

The other day; at the hotel, I felt as If someone was watching me from behind the windows' cover. The wind shook the curtain, and I knew someone was watching me then.

But... Like always, I didn't take action.

''Mikasa, you okay?'' Sasha shook my shoulders,

I know what I have to do.

''Sasha,''

I know what I need to do.

''Yes?''

Cause If I don't...

''Can you...''

Then...

''can I what?''

No one else will.

''Tell me where Historia Is.''

_________________________

I had been speed walking; 

Not running.

Speed. walking.

I went exactly where sasha told me I'd find Historia.

And she was right.

Because here Historia was; packing the rest of her electronics away into a large pocket of her expensive suitcase. In her room.

''Historia.'' I busted her door open,

''Oh, hey, Mikasa-''

''What the fuck?!''

''W-what's wrong?''

''Don't pretend you don't know!''

''What... are you talking about?''

''Naked pictures of me?! Really?!''

I Show her sasha's phone; and the same pictures sasha had shown me.

She looks shocked.

''Mikasa-''

''What?''

''...Mikasa.. You deserved it! Don't try to put this on me cause' you're too afraid for the consequences!''

''The hell do you mean I deserved It?! How?!''

''You know what you did!! You stole everything from me! My popularity, my friends, hell, even my girlfriend! Ymir always talks about the size of your huge boobs... A-and the perfect shape of your ass! ...W-why can't I have that?!-''

''You think I want my body to look like this?!?! Do you actually think that having a body like this is a good thing???!!! Every day, I get grossly, stupid comments about my body!''

She pushed her suitcase to the ground, Sitting up straight. 

''Us girls would love to get that attention- but we don't look 'as good' as you!! Imagine being told about you and your perfect shape every twenty-four-seven!! The world needs to know about you, The true you. The slut you!''

''You disgust me- Why would you want big body parts anyway?! Do you really want older men touching you- even when you say stop!? H-how am I...-''

''Don't you dare ask me that question. You know exactly how you're a slut! you want attention from everyone- So you go and fuck a teacher?!''

''For fucks sake, Historia!-''

''You have the perfect little life- with the perfect little friends; in your perfect little world! Something that I want! Yet you take it to your advantage, You probably have very nice parents, and-''

''My fucking parents are dead. Perfect life? Perfect life?! I don't see how making money in disgusting ways Is the definition of perfect- I don't see how anything about me is perfect!''

''I...-''

''Do you know what it's like? To always be told to be perfect? O-or to pretend to care about other people's problems... When all you feel is emptiness?''

''Mikasa... I-''

''Always expected of More. More, More, More, More. More of this, more of that, more praise-- More people telling me that I'm perfect- that I need to do this, or that. always more, more, more... I'ts like a fucking disease. A disease that I can't escape from; because people like you keep reminding me!!''

I'm aware that tears are flowing from my eyes. I'm aware that The halls are unusually quiet. But I don't care.

''....Mika-''

''You know my name; But you don't know my story. Why the hell are you jealous of me?! You have everything. You have a nice, slim body shape- Y-you have good friends... They aren't my friends anymore. Friends don't lie to each other. Friends tell each other things....''

''I.. I didn't know... I-I'm sorry-''

''I guess If someone had told me ahead of time that... I was such a disgrace... Maybe things would have turned out differently... Maybe I wouldn't have been so desperate? I wouldn't have met Eren...''

''Mikasa...?-''

''Even now the disease is telling me to stop, Because If I don't... You all will hate me. Well... You already do,''

''N-no I-''

''If i knew that my life depended on finding something to be driven by other than validation... What would that even be? I was so fucking stupid. Stupid for falling in love with a teacher... Stupid for trusting you... Stupid, stupid, stupid. Stupid for being born.''

''D-don't talk like t-that...''

''I think I'm going to go...-''

''What?!''

''And...I'm sorry... I'm sorry for being the slut that I am. Sorry for ruining your ungrateful life. I'm starting to feel like I have a lot of work to do. I have a lot that I need to make up for. And so I'm....''

''Mikasa! Mikasa, come back!''

''....Just going to go...''

''Mikasa!!''

''Goodbye, Historia. It was a good life.''

''Mikasa!!! Don't, Come back!! Wait, Mikasa!!!''

But I already turned around, and left her room. without a trace.

Some days are just bad days, that's all. You have to experience sadness to know happiness, and I remind myself that not every day is going to be a good day, that's just the way it is.

I was almost out of the hall; when I bumped into Levi. Again.

''Just the person I was looking for.'' He told me,

''Please... I'm not in the mood..''

''Deal with It.''

''Seriously, I have to go...''

''You'll go after you take this.''

He handed me some kind of a... device? I had seen the device before... But I can't remember when.

But that didn't take long. I knew exactly where It was; and Exactly where I had seen it.

I used it after a meeting with one of my old... Clients.

''What?! I'm not going to take that!''

''Mikasa, You need to-''

''Why?!''

''You know exactly why. Now take it,''

''No!''

''You aren't leaving until you do- and as much as I don't want to say this; Grow the hell up. Take it. And when you do; tell me the results.''

''But I'm not even-''

''You don't know that.''

''I know that I'm not!''

''Take. It.''

''...Under one condition!''

''What?''

''When I take It... And It's not accurate... You have to leave me the fuck alone.''

''...Sure, deal.''

''....I'll prove to you; I'll show you that I'm not!''

With that; I headed straight to the bathroom; since I had to pee, anyways.

______________________________________________________________

Abortion isn't a lesser evil, it's a crime. Taking one life to save another, that's what the Mafia does. It's a crime. It's an absolute evil.

Abortion and racism are evil twins, born of the same lie. Where racism now hides its face in public, abortion is accomplishing the goals of which racism only once dreamed. Together, abortionists are destroying humanity at a large cost.

Abortion is wrong. I think everyone knows that, which is why abortion activists are so angry all the time. It's a bit like when you catch someone out in a lie, and they get really mad at you really quickly, and you can't work out why until later. It's guilt.

I couldn't bring myself to kill a person- much less, a child.

Giving birth and being born brings us into the essence of creation, where the human spirit is courageous and bold and the body, a miracle of wisdom. That's what my mother taught me.

Pregnancy Is suppose to be beautiful.

But I felt nothing but horror. I felt terrified.

I was stupid. so, so stupid. Stupid for trusting my ''friends'', stupid for thinking that I could be something else. Stupid for being born.

Most of all; Stupid for falling in love with a teacher.

For falling in love with Eren Jaeger.

I couldn't bring myself to kill a child. 

I wouldn't do It.

But when I took that test Levi gave me.... I wasn't expecting what I saw.

One line means you are not pregnant.

Two lines mean that you are.

I couldn't bring myself to kill a child.

I urinated on the sticker tab of the test;

I wouldn't do It

And there were two bold lines afterwards.

Two lines... That look incredibly useless... Meant so much.

I couldn't kill a child... A child that didn't even get to live..

I won't do it..

I'm scared.

Scared out of my mind.

And those little voices in my head keep shouting different things...

So scared... That I hadn't realized I fainted on the bathroom floor.

There was a little being living inside of me.

A little being... Who's fate remains undecided...

I'm pregnant.

I'm pregnant... And I don't know what to do..

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. 

My mother also told me that...

Just because something Is unplanned... doesn't mean it's unwanted..

Mother, I'm scared... what do I do?

This situation has got hands like a big, wide and beautiful ocean- pushing me out; and pulling me back in-

I guess... It Is my fault- of course it is. And I need to grow up; be mature.

Because there's a baby in my womb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Mikasa~~ It'll be okay!


	7. The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa discovers something.  
> Annie has done something that she should not have.   
> So, so much lies within. Secrets; mysteries; and a disturbing truth.  
> Welcome to the tombs.

Certain things can't be changed. Certain things can't be erased. Certain things can't be forgotten. Even If you somehow manage to erase those things; that doesn't mean that will be forgotten.

Even If you try to negotiate with your demons; they will forever haunt you. No matter what you do.

Just because some things aren't planned; doesn't mean that they are not wanted.

But.... Is that really true for me?

This Isn't the same game that I play everyday; with everyone. This game has rules, and the choices that are chosen makes a big impact on everything, and everyone.

I'm scared.

I told Hitch that I wouldn't be able to kill a child.

I've been laying on this same, dirty floor for an hour. Strange thing Is; Levi didn't even come to see If I were done, Or If I was okay.

I'm scared.

I feel so much; My heartbeat, My fear, My essence within this room. My heart feels like a caged animal; beating it's wings, trying to free itself from the cruel fate of it's own. That caged animal... Trying to fight It's way out. And when It does; Those same beats pull it back inside, trapping it there.

The fear that rises in me like adrenaline; pumping my blood with everlasting terror. That fear that twists up every bone in my body.

My essence surrounds the air; Swishing and swaying like the soft taps of music. Everything in this room reminds me of me.

I'm scared.

So many things are changing, Slipping away from me. Every time I think that I finally caught something within my grasp; It only runs away from me.

I have a baby in my womb, and I don't know what to do.

I couldn't bring myself to kill a child; I can't kill a child, I'm scared... And I don't know what to do.

I remember back to the time I had an affair with that man... When we had gotten... Finished... I checked myself in his bathroom just before I left.

I Always carried pregnancy tests around with me; That, and a box of condoms. 

I hated doing that- I still do. 

I hate just thinking about It; I hate myself.

Each and every time I finished, I would always deeply-wash myself. Sometimes I would do It four times after.

Such a disappointment, I am. My parent's... I know they hate me.

I knew It wasn't from Him. I know It.

It wasn't anybody that I used for money. I know that.

That only leaves one person; One person that I happen to love, with all my heart. A person that leaves butterflies dancing around in my stomach.

I'm scared.

Sacred cause' I don't know what he'll say. He's twenty years old; I don't think he wants a child. Besides... This whole thing that we do Is only for sex- nothing more... He'll never return my feelings... O-or accept me... So why would he be okay with me being pregnant? 

I was stupid.

All I have to do... Is buy something to abort the baby... That's all..

But I can't do that!

Aborting a baby Is just the same as murder- And I'm not a murderer!

How would I ever be able to raise a child; If I'm still learning to grow up, myself?

I get up from the floor; feeling rather nauseous and lightheaded. I stretch my arms above my head- and Instantly, I feel pain coursing through my abdomen- It feels like a very strong urge of... Something... As If someone were stabbing me from inside.

I clutch my stomach; feeling every twist, toss, and turn.

It must be.... It.

As soon as I feel the pain slightly subside, I make my way out of the bathroom... Walking slowly so that I don't disturb any teachers.

But I'm really doing It.... Because I'm avoiding someone.

I know that some of the teachers' worked after-school sometimes, for either helping student's with late or failing work... Or they'd just stay for some time until the others' got done.

And... I know... That one of those teacher's happened to be Eren. 

Eren was- and had to be one of the most nicest people on campus; or anywhere. He'd always stay after school and wait for his best friend, Armin- Who was also my friend. My only friend. They'd both mess around with each other, o-or sometimes they would work on grading papers.

Eren doesn't like grading things; as far as schoolwork. He didn't like reading either. That much I knew.

I... also knew that... I don't want to see him.. I wanted to avoid him at all cost- for whatever it took. But, for what It's worth.... I don't know why I'm so afraid- I mean, I do.

But, In my mind- In my heart... I keep trying to tell myself that we were something else- Even though I knew he'd never return those feelings. My mind keeps shouting meaningless nothings' In my head. For every beat; Is the way I feel.

The human heart beats an average of 80 beats per minute- My heart beats four-thousand-eight-hundred times per hour. That's one-hundred-fifteen-thousand- and-two-hundred times per day. 

And each day that my heart beats for those long, Irredeemable hours; The more love I feel for Eren.

It's a disease.

A disease so contagiously tenuous. A disease so beautifully inaccurate. A disease that carves different feelings into my heart... Leaving many, reckless marks. Love Is a abandoning situation, It Is. That same disease; that tells me to stop; That claws my skin, and clouds my vision.

Love Is a disease; a weakness within the matters of the heart. There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.If you have only one smile, you give it to the people you love. But the people that I'd give my smile to; have died. 

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. But that Isn't true. Loving... Him... Eren, only makes me weak- weak and bound to to him.

Love yourself.

How can I love myself... When I'm nothing but a mistake?

All you need Is love.

That's Intact- Relatively Intact. But... It doesn't make any sense...

Every little thing wants to be loved.

Yes, Everything does. But just because It wants It; Doesn't mean that It'll get It. 

Mother always told me.... To always be open when dealing with love- cause' you'll never know it's there; not until you feel it. She taught me....

I walk past open classroom doors.

Mother taught me to...

I turn around the corner.

...To always be... 

I stop In the hall; hearing the feet of the teacher's walking. I quickly move to the side- and pretend to be one of the after-school kids.

...To always be a loving person..

When the teachers pass by, I speed up my pace; turning from corner to corner- Trying to make my way out of this particularly large college-building.

But...

I felt that same pain from earlier; wavering through me. Undulating throughout me.

But... How can I be a loving person... If I don't really understand It at all?

I was forced to stop walking; Because the pain had become Intriguingly terrible. It ached, and spiraled within my stomach- Dancing In Despair and agony.

I don't know how pregnancy works... But I know- that I might be doing something that I shouldn't-

''I mean, seriously. What was I thinking?'' I heard... someone familiar say- It was a very femininely bold voice... A voice that I know very well.

I had almost walked past the doorway from where the female voice was coming from; but the aching agony In my womb Interrupted that. I stopped just before I did- Hiding against the wall just before the room, My head up against the wall- As I hold my stomach with a pained face. Because... The pain was very Dire.

I didn't have to hide...

''What do you mean?'' I heard someone else say... Though.. This voice, I did not recognize.

I chose to hide...

''Pieck, you know exactly what I mean. You and I have been such best friends for eight years.''

Although I didn't know who that other girl was; I knew exactly who the bold voiced' one was. I know who It Is. I peak my head In a little- and as If on cue; my abdomen harrows, with an unpleasant feeling- Which causes me to grimace in pain. The both of the girls looked my way- But I was quick to fall back against the wall. It was as If there were a war going on Inside of me; And my soldier was the first to die- That's what It felt like. They'll be no sympathizing on this battle field. No hesitation. Only pain. 

But I'm striving- Coping with the pain; so that I could remain In this fight.

I didn't have to hide. I only hid.. Because...

''Yeah, we have. But tell me why you did that? I mean... I get It, you wanted to be there for her- at the time, But... Why now?'' The girl named; Pieck whispered- putting her text-books into her purple schoolbag.

...Because that girl that Pieck was talking to...

''Now's the perfect time. She's all weak, and frail.... And such a crybaby- The other day, Bertholdt gropped her- and she only cried! The girl knows all kinds of martial arts and natural abilities- Yet she just cried~!'' That girl laughed; drawing shapes of sorts' on the whiteboard with a blue, sparkling marker.

''Berthold did that? Wow.... Maybe Mikasa's just... Scared. What'd Mikasa even do to you? I thought you guys were best friends...'' Pieck took out her binder; to put loose papers into it. 

Now.... Now I definitely know who that person was that Pieck was talking to.

''She... She's just a thirsty girl. I don't like people like that.''

That girl, was Annie.

''Really? That's your excuse? Well, when you're ready... Tell me the truth.''

Annie. Annie Leonhardt.

''I-It isn't an excuse- Whatever. It's almost time to go..''

My....

''Well... How would this make things better- Or, better question yet; This Is It, right- Like, Is this all you'd do?'' I scoot back to the door; peaking my head In a little bit- trying my best to Ignore that throbbing pain. 

I had doubted my gut-feeling. I tried to pretend that It wasn't Annie.

Annie Leonhardt. My very best friend. 

Or... At least... Not anymore;

''Are you kidding me, Pieck?'' Annie Puts away that same Blue, sparkling marker.

Other than the fact that I had actually saw her- and heard her... I knew that It was her. I knew because she had the same exact blue marker that I gave Annie. 

I know that It's her- But my mind keeps trying to convince my heart that It isn't her!

That blue, sparkling marker may seem so useless- But It's not. I gifted that to her on her fourteenth birthday. She had always been complaining about not having a sparkle-marker like ''all the other girls'', so I bought her one- and I got It In blue, since that was her favorite color.

Ever since that day; Annie always brought that marker every where she went; she told me It's an item she'd cherish forever. I loved my best friend- I still do. She was the sister that I never got to have- the sister that I would look after forever. 

Abdomen pain structs through me.

But that Isn't the only pain that I feel.

''What do you mean am I kidding- Of course I'm not kidding. I mean It, Annie. Is this all you'd do...?'' Pieck stood, grabbing her purple schoolbag as well- strapping It around her shoulders; and brushing her messy hair to It's sides.

...Every day; I peer out of my cage... Thinking about the things that I would engage- And so far, I've survived. 

''Pieck, You're hilarious.'' Annie picks up her own bag; And I brush up against the wall- moving, so, so softly, and quietly, trying to get away from that room. to get away from her. from Annie.

''Annie, answer me.'' Pieck starts to walk towards the door.

The war going on In my abdomen surges- Clouding my vision- making me dizzy. And I know they had heard It; because the room had gotten awfully quiet. 

I know that I have been pregnant for about a week. I don't know how pregnancy works; But I know that there's something wrong. My mother was pregnant before she died. She never told me about It- But i started to notice things slowly change about her. She called It the ''first trimester''. I Know that there's something wrong... There's something wrong with me.

''There's much more to come for her. She just doesn't know It yet.'' 

''Annie, what're you saying?'' Pieck asked her...

I'm away from that door; and I start to walk slowly- trying to get out-

And I did. But I'm not free. I only made it away from them. 

Because, you can't negotiate with your demons; And If you somehow find some way to slay those demons.... They will always come back to haunt you. They will always be there; They'll always be with you.

Certain things can't be changed. Certain things can't be erased. Certain things can't be forgotten. Even If you somehow manage to erase those things; that doesn't mean that will be forgotten. Doesn't mean that those things will be gone forever.

People could live In a moment for a very long time. People could keep those memories In their minds for how long they wanted to.

Because nothing Is truly ever gone.

The girls' both exit the room; And for a moment; I thought they'd see me lingering in the halls.

Cause' nothing's ever really gone.

''Annie- I'm waiting on your answer-''

''I'm saying; That she's going to suffer, horribly. This Is the first day of the rest of her life.''

__________________________________________________________________________

I emerge from another hall; seeing multiple classroom doors' open.

I can't stop thinking about what Annie said to Pieck. What were they even talking about?

Nevermind... I'd rather not know.

I've got enough problems as It Is.

Losing track; and losing time.

Now I know why Levi hadn't come to check on me earlier... 

Damn It, something Is wrong!

Why does my stomach feel like this? 

I am scared- I am so fucking scared; It makes no sense! I feel myself shivering and impaling deep and beyond.

Losing track, and losing Time- I forget to breathe.

I fall against the wall I had been hanging onto; laying my head against It- sobbing whilst I sit In the pain.

The pain Is unbearable- like nothing I've ever felt... Even when I had those monthly women Issues- The cramps that I've had.. It never felt as terrible as this.

What the hell am I going to do-- What am I suppose to do?! 

I'm pregnant- In college; And.... The father Is.... 

I can't do this! 

My age Isn't the problem- The problem Is that, because of my family's history-line, I can't get any proper jobs, O-or any jobs at all! Discrimination. I have to deal with that. Because of my race- I can't get anything. So... If I were to drop out- to raise my baby; I wouldn't be able to get any kind of job. That's the problem.

I-I d-don't e-even know If I'll even raise it.

I can't kill a child!!!

So, what am I to do?!

And Eren's going to be so, so, so angry at me... Why wouldn't he be???! It's my fault for wanting... Him all the time...

Loose myself to dreams Instead... Ghostly figures linger the walls, Dreams of you have grown so big.

I'm unraveling... Caught... Within those stares.

Losing track, and loosing time- I forget to breathe... Should have seen the water rising; Now I'm In too deep.

I'm In too deep.

''Mikasa?'' Someone asked me; bending down on their knees.

It was a a guy. A man.

I look over at the man; And I see him.

Him.

Him.

That same guy; That puts strange thoughts into my mind. That same guy that leaves butterflies dancing around In my stomach. That same guy... That makes my heart skip a beat, like It did just now.

That same guy that I wanted to avoid. I wanted to avoid that guy, I did.

Armin was waiting In the doorway- with a confusedly worried expression. But.. He looked angry. at me.

My vision was so blurry and unfocused- I couldn't even tell the face that Eren had. Next to the standing Armin; was Levi. who had looked... expectant of me. Next to Levi; was Erwin and Hanji. Next to Hanji and Erwin was someone I didn't know...

But that person looked strangely familiar- Like I've seen him somewhere before. 

And next to that strangely familiar man was Zeke.

I don't know what's going on... I don't. 

Everyone looked so... distorted- like pulled or stretched shapes- contorted. It was like this were all an delusional Illusion. I couldn't tell what the hell was happening.

Losing track, and loosing time- That I forget to breathe. I should have seen the water rising; cause' now...

I'm In too deep.

_______________________________________________________________________________

I had hesitated about going Inside of that solitary room.

I didn't know what was Inside of that room.

It were only a simple classroom- nothing more. Yet I was so afraid...

Afraid of what was Inside.... Afraid of what I would see. It was as If the room had distorted ten miles away from me- and It feels like an never-ending nightmare.

a white long-sleeved shirt- and blue skinny-jean; Is what I had been wearing- I always put simple outfits on when I went out... And I'd always wear long sleeved shirts to cover up the bruises that my step-dad gave me. 

He isn't my step-dad. I know that-

''Mikasa, have a seat, please,'' Erwin asked me to take a seat; which was the chair in front of him.

Eren had left with Armin; because their line of duty was over for the day. There was no reason for them to stay, Yet I.... 

I feel so lonely- so fucking lonely without them... But I should be lucky-- Because I avoided Eren.

I hesitantly took the seat In front of him- taking the water bottle from his hand.

I hadn't even noticed how thirsty I was until I grabbed the cold, Icy water from him. I drunk It with no hesitation.

I feel that pain.

The feeling of agony intertwining with despair.

I grimace from the pain. Shaking.

Levi hadn't said a word to me- and I know that something Is wrong.

''Mikasa, dear... I'd hate to rush things like this, but; this Is serious.'' Hanji took a seat next to me; and I pretend not to be In dire pain. I move my hand away from my stomach- and I place It on my lap.

Zeke, That strange man, and Levi all took seats next to Hanji.

I feel so lightheaded- so drowsy.

Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, and Jean entered the room.

Demons.

Demons. Are. Evil.

You can't get rid of your demons- no matter what you do. They'll always come back to haunt you. They'll always be with you.

''Bertholdt, have a seat. Annie, Reiner, and Jean, have a seat as well.'' Erwin told them- and they did as told.

I feel, nauseous.

''Someone has filed a complaint against these four people; accusations of sexual assault.'' Levi spoke up- finally; folding his legs over on the table.

Like I said; Erwin and Levi were really good friends- So he could do what he wanted- respectfully. But that Isn't the point right now.

My vision Is so incredibly blurry.

''What the hell Is this? A courthouse?'' Reiner laughed; folding his arms.

''Sexual assault against who?'' Bertholdt joked,

But Annie said nothing. Instead- she just looked really bored. 

''Watch your mouth, Braun. And you know exactly who We're talking about.'' Levi explained; with that same, cold-hearted tone of his.

''Ooohhh~ We're talking about her. The slut. Okay- I understand now-''

''I'm sorry- I didn't hear you. What was that you just said?'' Levi had a very daring tone.

I look the other way; Ignoring the whole situation. I can tell that they; Noticed as well.

And that whole thing dragged on for about an hour- and they were dismissed. The only thing they discussed was how much of a slut I am- and this and that. I don't care- I don't fucking care.

Annie had just pretended to be oh-so-caring for me. With that fake attitude. 

I didn't forget what I overheard.

I had been Ignoring and blocking everyone out- That I didn't notice when Hanji called my name.

Only when she called It for the third time.

''Mikasa!''

I never knew what It felt like to be drunk. I have never been drunk before In my life. 

But I think that I know how It feels.... Or... At least- how It connects to this.

I felt so nauseated; so alone- so broken- so Infringed.

So shattered.

My heart Is abhorrent- I feel like... A useless soul trapped inside of a frail body.

I feel so fragile.

I turn my head around to her- and as soon as I do- that pain returns.

And I feel the migraine pounding in my head- like a headache.

''Now that that's over- we need to talk about... You...'' Hanji tells me; placing her cold hands on my burning skin. 

''A-about...W-what?'' I weakly replied; taking my hand away from hers.

''Mikasa.... Well... Uh- I-''

''We know that you're pregnant.'' Levi announced.

''Levi! You can't just be so straightforward all the time! You might scare her!''

''What's done Is done.''

I feel terrible.

I already know that. I know that I'm pregnant- I know that! 

''...I don't k-know w-what you're t-talking a-about-''

''-Mikasa, this is serious--

''--Why w-would I E-even B-be p-pregnant--

''--Stop taking this lightly! You need to be serious about this--''

''--T-this M-makes n-no sense--''

''Damn It, I knew we were right to give her the pill- I knew It!'' That strange man yells. the man who looked so familiar.

Pill? What pill.

Wait a minute... Wait... A.... Minute...

Before I had came out of the bathroom; I noticed the pregnancy test I took were gone. 

Levi had already came to check on me; that's why I hadn't seen him.

I was wearing a simple white dress at first- when I had checked the test. But I'm not wearing a white dress anymore. 

Hanji had come to take a few samples from me- she saw that my dress was dirty- so she changed me Into a long sleeved shirt- and skinny jeans.

I had forgotten this. But now I remember.

Wait a minute....

And It all occurs to me;

''W-what did you p-put In my drink??!'' I ask; grimacing In pain.

''Mikasa--''

''WHAT DID YO DO??!!'' I slam both my hands on the table; demanding an answer.

''We had to, Mikasa It was for your own good-''

But I had already crawled to the trashcan beside the table- Knocking down my chair.

I vomited as much as I could.

It explains everything. The sickly feeling- the dizziness; yes, I was feeling distorted with a headache before- But It didn't compare to what I felt after I drank that cold water.

I wiped my mouth with a loose napkin that was inside of a dispenser beside the trashcan; crying as tears flow down my cheeks.

''Mikasa- you aren't ready for a child! You aren't ready for anything! I leave you for a few years; and this is what happens?!'' That familiar man yells. 

''Mr. Ackerman... Please... Don't be so hard on her-''

Mr. Ackerman?

The only Ackerman's In the room were Levi and I. I know Hanji wouldn't call Levi by his last name- their relationship was far too advanced for that.

I didn't know Zeke's last name... But I knew he wasn't an Ackerman.

Erwin's last name was smith- so who was she talking to?

But then I notice. 

I notice.

The reason why I felt like I had seen him somewhere was because...

''No! This Is the reason why she's In this mess In the first place!''

''You should lower your voice, Dick-wath.'' Levi demanded.

I knew that man because...

He...

was...

My....

Father.

My real father- My blood-father.

My father.

I-I don't k-know h-how that's possible b-but... I know It's him!

''D-dad?'' I turn to him; with teary eyes. 

He looks disgusted.

That man wasn't my father. My father would never look at me that way.

He looked at me like a lion stalking it's prey.

''Mikasa, Finally. I was afraid you wouldn't notice-''

''Sorry to rain on your parade- But this Isn't a family reunion.'' Levi cleared his throat.

''Right, sorry little brother.''

''Don't call me that--''

''Anyways~. Mikasa... You can't afford to be pregnant- You've got too much of a future- for that...'' Hanji interrupts.

''I can't!'' I sobbed.

''See- this Is the problem. You're too nice to her; Mikasa. You're getting an abortion-''

''Gee- and to think that my own father would be against me. I-It doesn't matter. You aren't my father anyways-'' I cried-

''If I'm not your father- then who IS?! Huh?!''

''I don't know who the hell you are-''

''Watch your mouth, young lady!-''

That man Is not my father.

''Stop talking to me like I'm your daughter! My father died a long time ago!''

''Grow up- you spoiled bitch! You think this Is funny?! All of those years I had to pretend to like you- You have been nothing but spoiled!!''

That man. Is not my father.

''Levi was a better dad than you'll ever be!!'' I yell- clutching my stomach.

I can't see. I can't see anybody's expressions; and even If I was turned their way- I still wouldn't be able to see. My tears would block my vision; either way.

''Mr. Ackerman- really- calm down! Mikasa doesn't need this right now-'' Hanji tries to calm him- but it doesn't work.

That man Is not my father. My father would never look at me like that.

That man Is an animal. faceless.

He Is a demon In disguise.

''And what's this about that 'Eren' guy?!--'' That man asked me- getting up.

''--D-don't talk about him!''

Erwin and Zeke had left the room; signaling for Hanji and Levi to go with him. But that wasn't happening.

''You know he's using you!!''

''So, what?! At least I'm being used for something good- a-and...--''

''You disgust me. You are committing prostitution-''

I Had ignored him. I walked past Erwin and Zeke- as they sent confused glances at me.

''Don't walk away from me! And that baby inside you- Who's Is It, huh? Heard you've been being a naughty girl- so who's Is It?! I bet you don't even know!'' he raised his voice- trying to get me to hear him.

''Wonder what he'll do when he finds out that his sex toy bears a baby! What'll 'Eren' think of you, huh?!'' 

But I left the room.

He's right.

what'll Eren think of me? What will he think...

''Wait, mikasa!'' Hanji runs up to me, grabbing my hands.

she hands me a piece of paper with not-so-neat handwriting; her handwriting.

She nods at It; and then leaves back with Levi.

I unfold the paper;

'You are still In the first trimester of your pregnancy... So, you can still do the things that you've been doing. just be careful!'

The paper read.

No.... I can't do the things that I have been doing.

Because the things that I've been doing before....

Nevermind.

I had to go see him- I have to go see him.

I have to tell him; someway, somehow. Right now. 

He deserves to know.... He deserves to know...

________________________________________

I saw them.

Eren and Armin. About to leave the building.

Wait....

I can't do this!

Now that I was here; standing here- It felt so unreal.

Wait...

What do I do?

They were leaving me; going right out the door- Leaving me behind.

Wait..

How am I to do this? 

Armin stopped to go pee;

Wait.

I had to do something! I don't know... I don't know what I am supposed to do- but I had an Idea.

Wait!

I crouched; crawling into the Men's bathroom for the teacher's. I hid against the wall- grimacing from the abdomen pain. I heard his urine fall into the toilet; as he breathed a sigh of relief.

I was by the door; when I heard footsteps. 

''Armin- Hurry up; I'm ready to go already!'' 

''Yeah, yeah- I'm almost done!'' 

I had stopped crawling; when Eren's shoe stepped on my hand; and an unusual surge of agony coursed through me.

A loud grimace escaped my lips- as I push myself against the wall.

''Eren, You scream like a girl.''

''That wasn't me!''

''What do you mean It wasn't you-''

''There's someone else In.....Here...''

It took him a while before he said the last word; cause' he had saw me.

I only crawled In here because I needed to talk to Armin; not for anything else- or what he's thinking about!

The bathroom smelled of male urine and such.

But.... At least now...

I can't run away.

_________________________________________

It's hard to breathe. 

It's extremely hard to breathe In here.

It Isn't because of the temperature- Or the air- or the way the sun shines through The car window.

But because I'm currently In the back seat of Eren's car.

And Armin won't take his eyes off of me.

My perfume filled the car; a smell of purplish-blue bell-flowers. Which was good- because the car smelled as If someone had left their whole laundry bucket in his car.

It didn't smell that bad, really.

But It's really hard to breathe. My stomach Is In pain- I'm In pain.

''Mikasa, are you okay?'' Armin asked me- though he knew very well what was wrong with me.

Armin had offered to give me a ride home- but I told him that I didn't want to go home; he knew the reason why.

So; they asked me If I wanted to go spend the weekend with them. I gladly accepted.

The college would be closing down after two more months; because It would be time for us to move on to university. And also.... Because It was loosing reputation stats. Though, I'm not sure why.

Thinking back on It now- I was sure that crawling into that bathroom was the worst thing of all.

I had only wanted to go... and talk to Eren- but I was so scared! It didn't make sense. 

Besides.... Where would I even go? I don't want to go back to that same, solitary blue house.

''I-I'm fine.'' I grimace.

Eren glanced at me from the rear-view mirror; as If he wanted to ask me something.

I hadn't know that he could drive.

Then again... There's so much I don't really know.

My stomach began to rumble with a great pain- a different pain from what I felt earlier.

This time- It felt like something were angry Inside of me. Trying to free itself from it's bindings.

It really hurts.

I know what It is.

I grimace loudly- feeling the sharp cramping of my uterus. I know what It Is.

I know that something Is wrong with me- something Is wrong happening Inside of my stomach.

''Mikasa?'' Armin calls me,

I snap out of my painful trance; looking at him.

''Are you sure you're okay?'' He asks me.

It's extremely hard to breathe.

''I-I'm fine!'' I whisper. Eren's music was halfway too loud- 

''No, you're not. Stop lying to yourself.'' He told me;

''A-armin- I said I-I'm f-fine!''

''You aren't! You don't have to lie to me- Because I already know.'' He explained, 

''K-know w-what? What are you-''

''Mikasa! You have to stop doing this to yourself! Please... Just tell me what's wrong. Friends tell each other things, right?'' 

''Nothing Is wrong with me- I'm.... I'm just-'' A gasp of pain interrupts my sentence- I move both my hands around my stomach; feeling a headache emerge.

It's hard to breathe In here.

I feel my heart burning. I feel myself grimacing- gritting my teeth- sobbing.

It's extremely hard to breathe.

But In the depths of my mind I've come to realize....

I'm breathing to die; and I'm dying to breathe.

_______________________________________

We had finally arrive at Eren and Armin's home- but my pains never went away.

I couldn't even walk... 

So Eren had to carry me Inside.

When we got In; he softly put me on his couch- as I doubled over In pain; clutching my stomach.

It was the baby.

Eren's baby.

How... How do I? How do I tell him?

Demons could haunt you forever.

When will the day come when I'm removed from my feet?

And like all of my enemies... I am forced to kneel to this demon. 

This demon... Is called Love.

And It could haunt me forever.

I hadn't stopped yelping In pain; so Eren dialed a number; and called It In the next room.

''Mikasa...'' Armin said; as I tucked my arms around my legs and pulled them closer to me.

I hum in reply;

''Could You please tell me what's wrong? I can't help you If you don't tell me-''

''I c-can't t-tell y-you!''

''Yes, you can.''

''You're... going.. to- tell-''

''I'm not like that- Just tell me what's hurting you-''

''My s-stomach!...''

''What part of your stomach?'' Armin asks; placing his hand on my shoulder.

''I- I d-don't K-know! It hurts- all over; My baby- It hurts!'' I knew that I sounded like a crybaby; But I didn't know how else to describe It. Every part In my abdomen hurts- it's cramping. 

Something Is wrong. 

Something Isn't right.

I don't know... I don't know how pregnancy works.. But I know that something Isn't right.

''Your baby?'' I knew he knew exactly what I meant. But Armin wanted me to be honest with myself-

''A-armin b-be q-quiet... You're too loud!'' I sob.

''Why...'' But then It occurs to him. The reason why I had been whispering; the reason why I told him to be quiet. He knows now.

He knew that I was pregnant- he just didn't know who's It was.

But now he does.

''You haven't told him?'' Even though he knows that I haven't- he still asks.

''N-no...'' 

''Why not? He deserves to know-''

''I..... I only found out a few hours ago! B-besides...''

''Besides what? You had chances to do so. You could have just asked him to talk to you alone-''

''Armin, I-It Isn't that easy... I can't!'' I sob- not making eye contact.

''You can. You just keep doubting yourself- Mikasa, why won't you tell him?''

''Because I-I c-can't! He.... He'll be mad at me...''

I brush a strand of hair behind my ears; wiping my eyes. 

Armin sighs.

''No, he won't-''

''H-how do you k-know?''

''Because he's my best friend. I've known him ever since kindergarten. He Isn't that type of person.''

Armin gets up; about to go In the next room.

''W-wait! D-don't t-tell him!'' I beg; still grimacing from the pain.

''I should. But I won't do that- Because It Isn't right. But I'm giving you a week to tell him; and If you don't- I will.'' And with that- He leaves into the next room.

What am I going to do? A week would be gone as quick as It came!

My life Is a mess- It always have been.

I won't bare remorse.

there'll only be hate In my captives- Hope for things In a spiritual life.

I felt like I had to pee; so I try to get up; But I end up falling on my knees.

I crawl to the long, narrow hallway- trying to make it to the bathroom.

How could Armin do that...

Why would he do that...

I've been built like stone, from within... Yet I feel myself ripple in pain.

My courage Is of a lion... Yet I'm as weak as ever.

I possess the speed of a cheetah... But I'm as slow as a turtle.

And In the darkest shadows of the night; I'll shine like Armour, when the morning dawn casts it's light. But.... I can't. I don't think I ever could.

Love Is a disease.

It feels like two sharp swords are clawing inside of me. fighting a war- spears set and ready to throw. 

And It really hurts.

I finally found the bathroom; as I make my way to my feet; clutching my stomach.

Before- It was only simply ripple-pains; that hurt really bad.

But now... This pain hurts three times as much. 

I pull down my jeans- and I sit on the toilet seat; urinating.

That man.... That man that was supposedly my father...

What was that about?

There's so much questions that needed to be answered.

I shook my head- still yelping from the sharp pain that I would feel every minute of the hour.

''What'll he think about you, then, Huh?! He'd leave you for another sex toy!''

''He doesn't want that baby- All he wants Is your body; for him to use whenever he felt like It!''

''You think that he'd actually like you?! You disgust me!'' 

Everything that man said to me; kept reappearing in my mind- drowning me in those stupid words.

But... He's right. 

Eren only wanted me for sex- that's what It was.

But I keep trying... I keep trying to convince myself that It was something more.

Pregnancy Is the price that you have to pay for having sex.

I'm not saying anything about that... But It's true.

People don't wear condoms because they want to feel their partner completely.

And because those people don't wear condoms; they get pregnant.

Logic Is... Logic.

When I'm done; I wipe myself with the ultra-soft tissue; grimacing- and I flush the toilet.

I then pull up my pants; zipping them.

The cramps had stopped for a little while; so I quickly got out of the bathroom.

But that didn't last for long. they had came back as quickly as they had left.

When I come back to the living room- I saw a tall man that resemble eren.

He looked like he were somewhere around In his fifties; just like Erwin.

He had darker green emerald eyes; and brushed back dark brown hair.

He looked like an older version of Eren. And now I know that It's his dad.

Armin and Eren were still In the other room, and I heard them talking about... Something;

''Eren... I can't tell you that-''

''Why not, huh?! So now you and have secrets?''

''No, It Isn't like that, I just made her a promise.''

''Armin! I thought we were best buddies??!''

''We are, you moron. But I'm not gonna' do that to her-''

''Cause you have feelings for her- Am'I right?!''

''What? You think I... Wait... You're jealous..''

''N-no.. I'm not!''

''Eren, You're jealous!'' Armin teases;

''Shut up!''

''This Is too good.''

''You're always holding her hands, and talking to her when I'm not there..''

But then I couldn't hear anymore. 

The only thing I heard was my heart hammering against my chest.

________________________________________________________

I had done as Doctor. Jaeger told me.

I layed down on the couch- as he examined my stomach.

He asked me simple questions... And told me the obvious; That I'm pregnant.

But I hesitated when he asked me If I knew who's It was.

I know who's It Is.

earlier; he hooked up an ultrasound Into the wall-plug; and it appeared over the projector. 

I told him to do It quick; since I didn't want anyone to see....

I didn't want Eren to see...

Eren had called him over; since he was a doctor; and clearly, I was in pain.

He friendly introduced himself to me; And I, to him.

Eren and Armin wanted to give me some privacy; but really, Armin knew that I didn't want Eren In there with us.

So... When he asked me who the father was... I hesitated.

Because the father was his son. 

And Doctor. Jaeger didn't even know my name.

so... How would he react to me telling him the baby is his son's?

I don't know what to do.

''It's okay If you don't want to tell me. I just wanted to make sure you knew..'' What Is he implying? That I sleep with multiple guys on end? Well... I used to- but only because I had to! I would never, ever do that against my will.

I nod my head.

''Everything seems to be okay. But...''

I knew It.

I knew something was wrong.

''B-but w-what?'' I ask, looking at him.

''But.... It you are bleeding from the inside.''

''W-what? What does that mean?'' I ask,

''Mikasa... You're having a miscarriage...''

A miscarriage? I... What does that mean.

''What?''

''You are miscarrying.. Which means, The spontaneous loss of a woman's pregnancy before the twentieth week that can be both physically and emotionally painful.''

Loss? 

I knew something was wrong.

Loss?

I knew It.

LOSS?!

It didn't feel right.

''W-what?!?! Wh-why?!'' I yell- demanding an answer.

''That happens because of failure resulting in the uterus- But don't worry! You haven't lost your child, But... You have to be extremely careful for the next three weeks. You are only In the first trimester- so You could easily harm your baby. Be extra careful.'' Doctor. Jaeger told me; packing his things.

And I feel so fucking relieved. I feel so damned happy- It puts a smile on my face.

I know... that I love my baby very, very much.

''Mikasa, I suggest you stay here for a while- since my doctoring office Is only a few miles from here; I could get here faster. You don't have to, but I highly recommend It.'' He told me. Picking up his kit from the floor. 

I wouldn't be going anywhere- I have nowhere else to go.

''H-how long?'' I knew there was no place I'd rather be. yet I asked anyways.

''Pregnancy lasts for about twenty-four months- or about thirty-eight to forty-three weeks. that's about It...'' 

Now I know that I can't go anywhere.

Even If I wanted to.

Because... Like annie said...

This Is the first day of the rest of my life.

______________________________________

When that had been over, I started to feel that pain again.

ten times worse.

I had gotten up to go see him.

To go see Eren.

Armin had left to get my things from that house with the faceless memories. He took Eren's car; because his was in desperate need of a tuneup.

I knocked on his door; and he opened It.

I had to face my demon. I had to look It In the eye. I had to be brave, Bold.

''Mikasa?'' He smirks; as a tear falls from my eyes.

I've gotta' do this.

Cause' If I don't- who will?

Armin was right. I needed to stop doing this to myself.

I stood on my tippy-toes; grabbing his face, softly, In my hands...

I knew what he wanted; But I can't give that to him anymore. Not yet.

I let his hands roam my body; I knew that I needed to stop him.

Standing In this room with him; yet I'm feeling far from home..... 

Caught inside his touch. Inside his smile. I'm unraveling.

Caught within this demon.

caught within this love; this contagious love. Caught in his stares..

I love the way he makes me feel; I want it all the time.

Hate the way he makes me feel; he's all that's all on my mind.

Loosing track; and loosing time... And I forget to breathe. Should have seen the water rising; now I'm in too deep. 

I've been holding on too tight.

And I never realized how bad I wanted him until I finally tasted his lips again.

love the way he makes me feel... I want it all the time.

Hate the way he makes me feel; he's all that's on my mind. 

I know I need to stop him.

I should have seen the water rising.... Now... I'm in too deep.

I can't give him what he wants- Not anymore!

He's in my head; in my words! Even when he's gone... He's never really gone.

I need to tell him to stop...

I can't breathe... 

I can't fucking breathe.

I want it, I want It, I want It.

But when his tongue lingers over my neck- when his hand gropes my breasts- It only gets worse.

But the pain was there to remind me of what I needed to do..

''Stop!'' I tell him; trying to push him off of me-

He strikes a confusing, questioning look...

''Eren... I can't give you what you want an-anymore...'' I sob, gripping the sheets beside me.

''What're you talking about?'' he asks me; touching my cheeks.

''I... I can't... I...'' I stutter; grimacing from the sharp pains i felt.

''Babe; You can tell me,'' he kisses my cheek, then my forehead, then my lips. 

and...something clicks in his mind. 

He looks down at my stomach, and how my hand clutches it tightly- then back up at me...

It's hard to breathe In here.

I need to face my demons

I am a shattered, infringed human being. 

''Eren... I...''

Who needs to be loved.

''I....''

This was the first day...

''I'm pregnant...''

the very first day...

''I'm pregnant... with your child...''

Of the rest of my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wonder what his reaction'd be?


	8. All Cards On The Table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's crazy what love does to people.  
> In this case; what It does to Mikasa.  
> All cards on the table.

''I'm pregnant..''

I wish I could actually say those words...

I wish I could face him....

But... When he gives me that strange look... That look In his eyes..

It scares me. He scares me.

I can't do this- what was I thinking?!

T-the bile building up in my throat- stopping me from using my voice; It's blocking my every word!

I feel this strange wave of fear; mixing with my internal pain- And goddamn, it! I can't say a word! 

I-I c-ant- It's.. I...I...

I am bound by this disease! And I- I can't escape- It has hands that pull me In so tightly; So closely... 

My throat hurts.

I think of you, Eren.

Just can't talk to you, right now.

I miss you, Eren.

Just can't admit It, right now.

I need you, Eren.

Just can't show you right now.

I love you, Eren.

Just can't tell you right now.

Because my throat hurts- everything hurts. I'm incapable of using my voice- I can't scream; I can't say your name- I can't even talk to you.

I can't tell you that I'm bearing a child...

A child who's fate remains undecided... A child that bears the secrets of me...

A child that belongs to you; And I together. 

I wish It were that easy... I do.

But It Isn't....

''I'm... Pregnant... with your.... child...''

I wish I had actually said It.

But I didn't.

I can't.

I just can't! 

I'm such a coward- such a mistake; a disease.... I want to be free from him- from myself. But I can't.

Cause' I'm bound by blood, Mind, and soul- to him, and him alone.

''You're what? What're you trying to say?'' He asked me; still holding my face gently.

And now I know... Now I know... That...

If this were a game... Then I would be the first one to loose. I wouldn't be able to follow the rules.

O-or w-what's worse; I would be Ill-equipped to follow them.

''I-I..... I...'' I can only sob; and stutter. I can't get any words past my lips; It just won't work..

''Shh... Don't cry; Mikasa,'' He kisses away my tears

There are a lot of people who can call you by your name. The whole world could call you by your name... Heaven and Hell could call you by your name...

...But there Is only one person who can make it sound so damn good.

That one person Is you, Eren.

Nothing hurts more than the feeling of wanted to talk to someone; but you can't.

I don't want him to slip away from me; just like everything and everyone else!

I lost my friends... I lost my father.... I lost my mother... I lost my home...

I lost my best friend.

I lost everything...

And If I'm not careful- I could loose my child, too.

I'm never careful- That's why my life's such a damn mess. What makes me think that I won't loose my child, too? 

If I don't say something now... He'll fade away- and he'd change, forever.

I'm afraid of change. I don't want him to change...

''I'll be right back, I'm gonna' go handle this call, right quick'' He kissed me one last time; before getting up to grab his phone; which had been in his jacket pocket.

I hadn't even noticed when his phone had started ringing;

I'm afraid of change...

He's slipping away from me;

He touches the phones' screen; answering the phone outside on his porch.

I'm really afraid of change.

Don't! Come back!

I try to get up from the soft-cushioned bed; and I end up falling to the floor with a loud thud. But Eren didn't hear me. He's changing- he's slipping away!

''Yeah. Yeah. I love you, too.'' I heard him say from outside; his voice was muffled- I couldn't really hear that much. 

Love? love who?

Who Is he talking to?

''Oh, yeah- Soon. I know, I know. I love you. Yes, I do.'' He hung up;

I quickly crawl to the sofa; pretending to be watching T.V. 

Who was that he was talking to?

He said... He loved them... Whoever It was.

He took a seat next to me; causing me to flinch- as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

I know what he wants... 

I just can't give It to him.

What do I supposed to say to this?! He'll get suspicious- a-and he'll start to ask questions...

I can't give him what he wants anymore..

He'll need to find someone else.... Someone that he could fuck when he wanted to- someone that would beg for him- he needed someone that wasn't pregnant..

I know what he wants...

But I can't give it to him.

I don't know- I don't know what to do! this whole thing Is a mess- It's crazy, It-It's crazy!

I don't know how long he'll be able to last without me; I don't know what he'd have to do in order to keep himself from being sexually frustrated...

''Mikasa~'' He breathes Into my ear; whispering my name.

I. Can't. Give.

I'm only in the first trimester- so... If I were to let him..

No! I can't think that way!

But.... Would It really hurt?

I remember what Hanji wrote on that thin piece of paper; she said that having intercourse was okay- just don't use certain positions.

But... Knowing Eren.... 

But, should I? Should I really?

We'd just have to be careful... I'd just have to be careful...

''Eren?'' But he had already kissed me; when I turned my head.

He wanted to continue from where we left off... 

And I let him... Because I can't say no;

I moan at his every touch; and I now know how much I missed him.

I know what he wants.

So I give it to him...

There's something wrong with me.

He kisses me.

There's something seriously wrong with me.

He touches me.

There Is something Inside of me; I'm craving him.

I moan.

I shouldn't be doing this. But I can't say no.

another moan.

I know.... If he couldn't live without touching me... Or hearing my broken moans- I knew he wouldn't be able to last for more than thirty-eight weeks...

And suddenly... We're both naked...

This whole situation Is like.... It's like a cookie that you dip in warm, smooth milk.

The cookie starts out hard and solid- but when It touches the milk.... It turns soft and moist.

That's my problem.

I can't say no.

I can't tell him to stop.

I can't.

Because I'm bound to him; in every way possible,

I'm infected with this disease.

That's my problem.

I can't reject him.

I can't disagree.

I can't.

He's inside of me...

You see, People have dreams... It's perfect to like fairy tales... But, when you try to live inside of them- That's where it fails. 

Another moan.

And then more.

And It comes nonstop.

We're living a lie. 

I want the life that they all desire.

He kisses me, passionately.

I can't say no- I can't.

Everyone wants something; I want someone.

There's so much I want from him.

I can't say no.

I know what he wants. I know what he wants- I know.

I feel like I've just faded out of my body; floating away.

More moans.

More groans.

It Isn't right. Armin will be here soon...

Can't say no.

Can't disagree.

Can't reject.

Can't.

It's so messed up- I'm so messed up. I know that there's something wrong with me... I know... That I have some kind of sickness- I know It.

There Is something wrong with me.

Because I keep wanting more of him- I don't just mean sex...

I want him, period.

His scent, his flavor, his everything. I'm addicted to him; and him alone.

There's something wrong with me.

I'm suffering from a powerful disease; a disease so contagious.

More moans; more whimpers from me.

Where am I?

I can't feel... anything... This Is.. a nightmare...

But I can feel... I can... Feel him.

We still aren't done?

It's like... I know I'm here; lying on the couch- with him hovering over me... But- I can't feel... Anything....

People have dreams.... It's perfectly normal to like fairy-tales... But, when you try to live inside of them- you mess everything up.

I'm afraid of change- I don't want to change...

We're living a lie- This whole thing Is a lie.

I know what he wants- so I'm giving It to him.

He's slipping away from me.

I can't say no. I can't reject. I can't disagree. I can't.

We're still not done?

There's something wrong with me.

I'm trapped within this never-ending nightmare.

I need to open my eyes; I need to open my eyes, I need to open my eyes!

Things are changing- he's changing. 

This Is a lie- this whole thing Is a lie.

Fantasy, masquerades, mansions. 

Smiles full of envy. 

a whole house; that's empty.

We're still not done?

I need to open my eyes. I need look at him...

Who was It that he was talking to?

He said he loved them.... Whoever It was....

We're still not done?

There's something wrong with me-I need to open my eyes-I can't reject, can't say no-Who was It that he was talking to?-This whole thing Is a lie-Smiles full of envy-fantasy, masquerades, mansions-he's changing-He's slipping away from me- 

Stop!

-I know what he wants, so I give It to him-I'm afraid of change-Things are changing, he's changing-It's so messed up- I'm so messed up. I know that there's something wrong with me... I know... That I have some kind of sickness- I know It.

STOP!

The words keep repeating over and over In my fucking head- they keep on repeating, over, and over, and over, and fucking over again.

THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME!

I CAN'T REJECT.

I CAN'T SAY NO.

I CAN'T DISAGREE.

What's wrong with me??!!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!?!

The words won't stop- He won't stop- It's never-ending!!

STOP!

I'm afraid of change.

I'm pregnant- I'm pregnant- I'm pregnant- I'm pregnant- I'm pregnant I'm pregnant.

Please... Stop!

No matter what you do... Your demons will always haunt you.

Stop!

Because... Nothing's ever truly gone.

Please!

We're still not done?

It's In my head- He's In my head; and he won't get out! He drives me insane- I.... I can't breathe! 

His scent feels my nostrils; and It never leaves- He- Everything of him reminisces around me- inside of me- above me.

We're still not done?

That's my problem. HE'S MY PROBLEM!!

It's like... He's stuck In my head- He's living in my mind; he's all I can think about.

On that day... That very day that I met him..

maybe I... should have just went home that day...

If I had went home- I wouldn't be In need of him; I wouldn't have caught this disease- I wouldn't have fallen In love... There wouldn't have been rumors about me.... And I....

I wouldn't be pregnant...

There's something wrong with me.

Why won't I... Why can't I stop thinking about him?

''I'm pregnant...''

I wish I would have said those words...

''I love you, Eren.''

I wish I could have said that to him...

''I need you.''

I wish I was brave enough to tell him that...

''I hope we get married.''

I wish I wasn't so scared... Then I could have told him that.

''I'm glad I met you, that day. It was the greatest day of my life.''

If only I wasn't such a coward- I could have told him.

He's here; on top of me. Inside of me.

He's here; right In my teary eyed face.

He's here; alive and In person.

I can talk to him. I've had plenty of chances. So why can't I?

I can say what I have to- He's here; waiting for me.

I'm here; under him.

I'm here; right in his beautiful face. whimpering and moaning like the weakling I am.

I'm here. Slowly dying inside.

Why can't I talk to him? I've had so many chances. So why can't I?

Why can't I say what I have to? He's here; Waiting. for me.

His love hurts. It hurts me. 

I keep feeling my heart skip multiple beats; and I think I just might die.

we're done.

I felt his seed spill into me.

I knew... That If he couldn't wait two weeks without touching me...

He kisses me.

I know that... He won't....

Another kiss.

...He wouldn't be able to survive....

''Mikasa, You're beautiful.'' More kisses.

...Survive more than thirty-eight weeks...

''I...''

...Without...

''Mikasa... I''

....Touching me... 

That look In his eyes.

I still hadn't told him I was pregnant... But-

''Mikasa. I love you.''

And there It was.

he told me he loved me.

he can tell me something- but I can't tell him shit.

My heart is pounding hard in my chest.

My heart hurts. It hurts from the happiness I feel...

It hurts. 

Can someone please... Hook me up to an oxygen tank- Because I'm loosing my breath.

It feels like... My heart... Was on a ladder. And I was climbing, climbing so high up into the sky. But suddenly... The ladder caught on fire- and It couldn't stand. and when it fell; I was so shocked... Like wires that just had rain pour over it; shocking it.

That's how I felt.

If I thought that I couldn't talk before... This was worse.

The only thing I can do Is cry. And feel that same abdominal pain...

But... Once it's over- once he and I finish... It's never enough.

Never satisfied.

Cross my heart, hope to die. To my lover, I'd never lie.

I'd always be his.

He's out his head, I'm out my mind.

He'd always be mine.

It hurts, it really does.

But, what the fuck is love with no pain, no suffer?

two people... That fell In love by accident...

''I'm really In love with you, Mikasa.'' his head is right on my heart; hearing each and every beat.

I sob quietly; the things I feel overpowering my judgement.

Pain, relief, happiness, suffering, sadness. And more.

All of that in one.

Cross my heart, hope to die. To my lover, I'd never lie.

In the end, it's him and I.

He's out his head, I'm out my mind.

We've got that love, the crazy kind.

I am his, and he is mine. In the end, it's him and I 

In the end; It's him, and I.

__________________________________________

I awake In the middle of the night.

Eren had carried me to his bed... Well... Our bed...

I hadn't told him that I loved him.

Then again... I haven't told him a lot of things.

I don't want to hurt his feelings- I don't want him thinking that I don't feel the same way.... Because I do! I actually do!

I love him with all my heart- With everything I've got; and nothing will ever change that.

He was asleep next to me; with his arms wrapped around me.

I had put my clothes on earlier; before I fell asleep- and I'm glad I did.

cause' Armin was In the living-room... Or, what some people would call the ''family room''. He had came home last night; with my belongings- which were already In Eren's room.

I woke up; because I couldn't Ignore that burning pain in my stomach anymore.

It started out light; but It soon got more serious.

I'm afraid of change.

Eren changed; He's changed so much. And.... It's a good change.

I thought... That he was talking to some other girl when he were on the phone; but he was only talking to his mother. He told me- after laughing at my curiosity.

It was four o'clock, at night- well, technically, It was four o'clock In the morning.

I always wondered why the world worked that way.. I had always been curious about it.

I quietly got off the bed; clutching my pained stomach; walking into the living room where Armin was.

He had been watching T.V., but he fell asleep about an hour ago.

I grab the remote, turning off the television- T.V. for short.

It was so dark In the house... Nothing but a thin shade of hue peeps into the window sill.

I didn't want to wake them- But... I needed to get some fresh air... I needed to breathe.

Right now; I'm suffocating inside of these walls- And it's been so long since I had seen the beautiful skies.

I quietly open the door- as the wood creaks.

Armin turns his head; moving his lips- Still asleep.

I'm halfway out of the door- and another creak as the door begins to close.

Armin then opens one of his eyelids; halfway...

''Grandma? Is that you?'' Armin yawns; scratching his head.

What I should do; I'm not even sure.

''No, Armin... It's just me...'' I whisper; closing my eyes; endearing the severe pain.

''Mikasa? What are you doing..?'' He yawns; sitting up on the couch, rubbing his eyes.

''I... I'm just... going out to the car; to get m-my... Um...'' I pause; while my eyes are still closed, and my head against the door.

''It's okay- you don't have to tell me. But... Did you tell Eren yet?'' his eyes are a tad-bit red, but only a little.

Did I tell Eren what?

Oh...

He knows I didn't- He knows I did not tell him.

Armin Is... That type of friend.. Who wants you to take care of yourself; The type of friend... That wants you to admit your feelings; and not hide them.

But... It'll take him a little more to get to me.

''...No...N-not y-yet-''

''-Mikasa- You've got to tell him!''

''I-I k-know b-but... I'll...I'll tell him when I get back!'' with that; I slammed the door behind after I left.

I know he's trying to be a good friend and all... But...

I don't think he knows how fearful I am of that.

Eren just confessed his feelings to me- and showed me how much he loved me.. I didn't want to ruin that!

But.... My time would soon be up- I would have to tell him soon.

It was Saturday morning.

Sunday would be here tomorrow.

And then... Monday would come.

When the earth brings Monday; It'll also bring problems, more, and more problems.

I have enough of those.

But... I would have to tell him. 

It'll be my second weak of being Pregnant.

I can tell.... My story Is almost over....

Because... come Monday... comes the exclusion of everything else.

______

I was waiting at the train-station, sitting on a bench; writhing in pain... from the miscarriages... When I saw Levi holding hands with a woman with brown hair In a ponytail.

That woman was Hanji. Hanji Zoe.

They were sitting on the bench next me; and I tried not to make eye contact- Or any contact at all.

But... Levi could recognize me from any where; at any given time.

And I, could do the same for him.

Hanji may seem like an idiot sometimes- But she was no idiot. she too, could recognize me. especially when I grimaced out loud on accident.

I didn't want any company- I just wanted to be as far away from Eren as I could possibly be.

Even now, I'm still thinking about him- thinking about his touches...

His touches trace my skin to places I have never even been.

about his kisses- the feeling of his skin.

How his shoulders were so broad- and his chest and abs were so chiseled and toned.

How his...Thing... Felt inside of me.

And honestly... This man could drag me to hell and back- and I'll still love him.

How he confessed... I just... It was so beautiful.

My heart is skipping beats; each and every time I picture him in my aching mind.

It's happening again... I can't stop thinking about him.

That's my fucking problem... When I'm with him; my mind is all hazy and blurry, and I get such strange thoughts about him.

But... when I'm away- all I continue to get Is wild thoughts.

Sexual, loving, direful, painful thoughts.

That's my problem... I can't help it.

I have caught his contagious disease.

A disease called love.

I'm In love with this man- this man named Eren.

Eren jaeger.

I would love to be the mother of his children- I already bare one.

I would love to be his wife; to be bound to him forever- I already am bound to him.

I would love to spend the rest of my life with him- I don't see myself going anywhere, anytime soon. Not now, not ever.

And the thoughts just keep on coming back.

I have caught his contagious disease. 

I knew that I smelled like Eren; I could tell by the look on Levi's face.

Not exactly like him; but I had his scent on my clothes.... On my body.

I snap out of my trance; noticing the train had come. 

And It was the same train.... The same train that I saw the very first day I arrived at Trost college.

The train that sung a loud, noisy song to the cold winter air around itself.

The same train that left burning mist in the dewy, cold.

The train... That left behind so much; making room for the new.

So much has changed; I'm afraid of change.

But sometimes...

''Mikasa...?'' Hanji asked; Trying to see If It were really me.

Sometimes....

''Y-yes?'' I look at her; who was looking at me intently, and so was Levi.

Sometimes It was change that I needed.

''What're you doing here? It's four-twenty... No, wait... Now It's five-thirty. Why are you up so early??'' Hanji checked her watch; then looked back up at my pained face- my eyes were closed.

Change that we needed.

''I'm j-just.... g-getting.... away... I-I mean... g-going some-where...'' I stutter; still holding my stomach- my other hand's finger tips' gripping my skin.

''At this time? It's none of my business... But I'm just concerned, Is all...'' Hanji got up, stretching her arms, 

Change that we all needed.

''I-I'm fine... H-hello, L-levi...'' I muster up a smile; trying to ignore the dire pain riled in my abdomen.

he looked surprised; but he returned that smile.

a half smile.

It worked for me.

''So. How's the uh.. How's the baby?'' he clears his throat; as the train appears, riding on it's hinges.

He... Asked about my baby?

Things really are changing.

''It's... It's fine...It's great, actually.'' I didn't want to tell them that I was, and still Is, experiencing miscarriages- I didn't want them to worry about me.

They were such nice, and lovely people who always worried about me.

Ever since Hanji had gotten to trost; she played my mother figure- she said I was like her own daughter.

Especially Levi. He worried about me the most.

I love Levi, like my own father.

But... I couldn't have let him know that back then; because I was so afraid of change- and If I would have admitted it; i knew that I would have been changing, as well.

I know, It's such a wee thing.

But that change Is what made me real today.

That same change Is the change that fixed my demeanor today. 

change that made me meet the love of my life- Eren.

I get up; As Hanji helps me inside the train.

When we got inside; Hanji and Levi sat at a two-person silk seat; and I had to sit In the seat behind them- which was another two-person seat.

I sat down; on one of the the seats- and next to me; There was a woman sitting there.

A woman with black hair wrapped into a neat bun.

a woman that I knew.

She was my aunt; Levi's sister, my mother's sister, as well.

her name was Kiyomi. Kiyomi Azumabito.

She was Mother's half sister; Kiyomi was full Asian- while mother was both Ackerman and Asian.

''Mikasa... Is that you?'' 

I don't really like Kiyomi. 

Just like Levi; she wasn't hear when Both of my parents were murdered.

I... have no Idea who that strange man was- But I knew he was. not. My. Father.

I already forgave Levi; cause' I'm not the type to hold grudges.

And... Levi.. I knew It wasn't up to him; I was just so angry at him.

But It's always good to forgive, and forget.

''K-kiyomi.'' Is all I say. not looking at her.

''How rude. The proper thing would be to call me by my proper name.'' she sighs, filing her nails.

''So, you would rather be called a Bitch? After all, that would Is your proper name.'' I sarcastically ask, rubbing my stomach.

''You hang around Levi too much.'' She laughs; lighting her cigarette; opening the trains' window a little.

Levi had heard his name; so he looked over his seat.

He was having some trouble with that; because of his height- so Hanji moved to his seat, laughing, and he moved to her seat.

He saw his older sister; and he looked quite happy- but shocked.

''Oh, Levi- Haven't seen you In ages.'' Kiyomi laughs; turning around in her seat.

''...Kiyomi...'' he says, with an expression I... I can't even read.

''You look well.'' she tells him, hugging him as he clears his throat.

''Can't say the same about you.'' he tells her.

The train stopped; at a bunch of town-houses, and stores. a bunch of fancy hotels, and celebrity places. famous places.

It was so large; I could see all of It through the transparent doors of the train; and the train station.

''Levi; You know where to find me If you ever wanna' talk!'' Kiyomi waves; then exists the train.

I move to kiyomi's seat; since her seat was closer to the window. she left a warm imprint on the seat- since she had been sitting here for some time.

Looking out of the transparent, large windows- The sky Is a beautiful shade of bluish purple- with a slight hue of black.

It looks to be about seven o'clock or so, and I know I should get back soon.... Get back home. To Armin.

To Eren.

and now that I'm sitting here.. Alone... I have no Idea where I was going.

a few minutes later; the train stopped again. Levi had waved me goodbye; and Hanji gave me a small kiss on my forehead.

Like my mother would have.

They went into some kind of restaurant- which was actually another fancy hotel.

Now... It was only me... And five more people.

The train stopped.

One person left.

Then there was four people left.

The train stopped again.

Another person left.

Then there was three people left.

Train stopped again.

And another person. and and another.

Then there was one person left. Me.

Annie used to tell me.... That Ihad an overactive imagination. Ican't help it. I mean, haven't youever been on a train and wonderedabout the lives of the people wholive near the tracks? The livesyou've never lived....

Those Lives... That meant so much to some people...

Now that I was alone; I started to get certain thoughts....

Those thoughts.

Those wild thoughts- those strange thoughts.

And I keep thinking of him.... And how he told me he loved me...

I have to tell him...

Lately I've been reminiscing. Lately I've been In position.

If I can't tell him one thing...

Lately I've been reminiscing.

Then I can at least tell him the other thing.

Lately I've been In position.

I have to tell him I love him!

Can't stop reminiscing.

''Mr. Stop the train!!'' 

Won't get out of position.

''What, Miss? You want me to stop the train...?''

Lately. I've. been. Reminiscing.

''Yes! I need you to stop It, right now!''

Why the hell wouldn't I be?

''Woah, Miss- we aren't In a rush, here. Have you got a boyfriend?'' he looks down somewhere; not at my face. I know exactly what he was looking at; And I feel disgusted.

I won't pull the switch.

''What? That Isn't any of your business- I mean... Yes! I'm trying to get to him! Now stop this fucking train, or so help me, I will do It myself!'' I hang on to the railings.

I'll tell him...

''Alright, alright- no need to get feisty, ma'am-'' As soon as he opens that train's door- I run out; as fast as my pain would let me.

Lately, I've been reminiscing; Lately I've been In position- Why the hell wouldn't I be? I won't pull the switch- I'll tell him.

All cards on the table.

______________________________________________________________________________

I tell myself I don't need It; what I can't deny.

I'm running on the sidewalk- running to see him.

I tried but my freedom... But the price Is too high.

I pass multiple sky-scrapers, multiple hotels.

''Watch where you're going, asshole.'' I heard someone say; but I ignore It.

I don't know how he has my speeding- has me running for him.. But now I'm caught up In the feeling.

I stop, bending over with my hands on my knees; panting. After I've caught my breath a bit; I continue to run- as I see the sun start to rise.

He blinds my consciousness; I just know how bad I want this- I want him.

Now; I'm running over a road-bridge; as many cars pass by- and I stay as close to the barrier as I can.

I'm running all these yellow lights; just to get to you, Eren.

Still on the bridge; stopping for another breath- I notice a big, wide ocean below the bridge. It was so blue- and It had small boats and underwater buildings. some buildings were atop of the water.

He left his name on my tongue; not It's too late for me.

I continue to run; as cars' hunk their horns. I started to feel a major cramping-pain, forcing me to stop.

He pleasures all of my pain away; My favorite remedy.

But I need to push past this pain- I need to go see him; I don't want to keep things from him! I run; finally getting off of the bridge-road. I don't stop though, I keep going.

These lights have got the way for me. No crowds, just the empty streets.

The pain becomes unbearable- I know my baby wants me to stop; but I have to keep going. I have to keep going! I stopped at a red light; waiting for the pedestrian sign to appear.

Running all these traffic lights to get to you. 

The sign appears; and I go without hesitation; panting- out of breath.

That's why I like you. That's why I love you. I don't have to show or tell you what to do; Starving from this craving for you.

I have to stop for a minute; I start crying- thinking about the pain- thinking about Eren; and how badly I want to see him.

Getting closer every minute- I can't wait to see you; Running all these yellow lights to get to you.

These damn traffic lights; they keep trying to stop me... The fates are testing me. But... I don't care. I'm running right past those lights- causing horns to honk; people to curse at me, adults walking their children to shout at me. But I don't care! I want to see him- I need to see him!

Make me yours tonight, I won't refuse. Getting closer every minute, I can't wait to see you, Eren.

I'm In love- I'm In love with you, Eren! I'm In love with you! But you can't hear me... You can't even hear me!

Running all these fucking lights to get to you.

I should have just told you when I had a chance! I should have!

I tell myself I don't need It; what I can't deny.

I pass more and more buildings; more and more houses. But I don't find the one I'm looking for. The pain... The pain I feel In my heart- The pain the lingers In my stomach... It hurts.

Next taste, just a mile away. Your space so magnetizing. Are you ready?

I'm ready! I'm so ready! 

Tried to buy my freedom; But the price Is too high. these lights have got the way for me.

I feel as If I were almost there- I feel... Like I'm close. I can feel him; I can feel him!

That's why I love you. I don't have to show you what to do.

more car honks- more cursing-more shouting.. More this, more that. I'm shoving people out of my way- And I don't mean it to be rude. I just really need him. I need to see him.

''I- I'm sorry! I just need to see someone!''

''Get out of the way, girl!''

''I'm sorry!''

I'm running all of these red lights to get to you. Getting closer every minute- I can't wait to see you!

I'm almost there!

Make me yours tonight, I won't refuse. Getting closer, every minute- I will see you!

I pass the final street before The next one; the street our house was on.

I see Annie, Reiner, Bertholdt, Pieck, Connie, Jean, Historia, and Sasha walking upwards towards the street I was coming down to. I was supposed to meet Jean today; but I have more important things to do; I need to see Eren.

I stop for just a little while; catching my breath. Grimacing in pain; while clutching my stomach.

''Mikasa?'' Jean asked; while the group stopped to look at me.

Annie tried to come up to me; to pretend that she actually cared about me.

But I just started to run again; I had something I needed to do.

''M-mikasa! Come back!'' 

''She's probably running from the cops; she's probs been doing all kinds of drugs.''

I guess Annie was tired of pretending.

''Annie; Your nostrils are so large; My whole family could live In there. Your mom has been trying to find ways to get It fixed.'' Sasha said; taking sides with me.

''Sasha- You bitch!'' Annie yelled; touching her nose.

But I just continue to run down that large, steep hill.

Lately, I've been reminiscing.

I'm past the crowds of cars; past the shouting pedestrians, past the cursing parents.

I'm almost there... Almost there.

The butterfly effect. Or, as some may call It; the domino trilogy.

Cause' when you knock down one domino- it'll fall; and so will the next one, then the next one, then the next; Until all of the dominoes have fallen.

Just like cards.

I'm so close!

Earlier; There was a rock In the road. A child and her mother had been walking; and they encountered the rock. The child picked the rock up- and threw It into an old lady's yard- because she didn't want anyone stepping on the rock, or falling on It.

So close, Eren, So close!

The rock indeed went into the Old lady's yard; and when she came out of her house, she tripped on the rock, and had to go to the hospital.

I took a shortcut through someone's house- to get there faster.

Because the lady fell on that rock; she had to leave her husky dog behind; since dogs weren't allowed in the hospital.

A large, grey dog appeared from the back of the house barking; scaring me, badly.

Because the dog wasn't allowed in the hospital; It left the house, roaming around.

It barked a bold, loud bark; at me. I scooted back- backing away from It, slowly. I hadn't been paying attention; and I tripped on something... A rock. I fell on my butt;

Because that dog had been left at home; to roam around- It carried the rock In his mouth; moving It by the side of the house- By a huge brick.

I quickly get up- slowly, my hands over my stomach; another bark- and another dog emerges from the crevices of the house.

Because that dog carried the rock in it's mouth; and moved It by the huge brick- It caused another dog to get it's attention. The other dog hid behind the house.

I walk forward, slowly; ignoring the dogs. I tripped, on some kind of object; not a rock. But a brick. I tumbled down the moist soil, rolling nonstop. and I rolled, and rolled, and rolled-

All because of that nice child, who was walking in the street with her mother; who threw the rock into an old lady's yard; and that old lady tripped on that rock- and had to go to the hospital, and had to leave her husky behind- and that Husky couldn't go with her; because pets aren't allowed in hospitals; and because that hospital wouldn't allow her pet; the dog picked up the rock that the old lady tripped on- and carried It in it's mouth; placing it beside a brick- causing another dog to get it's attention. 

My back hit a tree- as many leaves fell down from It.

That's the butterfly effect. Or, the domino effect- or the deck card effect.

Either way; that all happened because of one thing.

I quickly get up- lifting my shirt up to inspect my stomach.

I didn't see any kind of marks- or scratched; so breathed a breath of relief.

I got back up to my feet; crying my heart out. The pain was unbearable- but I had to endure It. I had to see him.

______

There It was.

I finally found It.

I finally found the house; I finally found my house.

The door was cracked ajar- And I could hear muffled voices coming from Inside.

''Armin?! Why'd you let her go- It was Four o'clock at night!''

''Eren-While I agree that was really stupid of me- I was literally half sleep, half woke- You can't blame me!''

''I do blame you; you were the only one In here with her! Why'd you let her leave, anyways?!''

''Well, maybe you should pay more attention to her- Haven't you noticed changes in her lifestyle? Haven't you realized that she's p-''

But I had already opened the door; crying; falling onto Eren's chest;

''I love you, Eren. I love you.'' I grip his shirt; crying relentlessly against him.

''I'll leave you two be.'' Armin gets up from the couch; leaving into his room.

Fatal, this attraction.

''I know.'' he tells me; kissing my forehead.

We might just end up crashing.

I didn't know how he knew- But... It felt so good to be In his arms again...

It felt so good to smell him again... It felt so good to tell him how I felt- How I've been feeling ever since that fatal day.

Fatal, this attraction.

I was so happy to be back here with him again; So happy to hear his heartbeat; that It made me cry even more.

His heart was beating; It was beating to gracefully. 

We might just end up crashing.

________________________________________________________________________________

I had gotten into the bathtub; and washed away all of the dirt and soil.

I knew that taking a bath meant bathing In your own filth; But... I wanted to relax my aching body.

I felt that same nauseous feeling I did two days ago; And I knew that I had to vomit.

I quickly crawled out of the bathroom; spilling water everywhere; Vomiting into the toilet.

I guess they heard me from downstairs; So they came running up the stairs to my ''rescue''.

I crawled to the silver, metal rack that was by the door before they completely came up the stairs.

I grabbed one of the black towels; I assumed It was Eren's; Because It smelled of him.

''I- I'm F-fine!'' I yelled from inside the room; beyond the closed door.

''Are you sure?'' Eren's muffle voice said from outside of the door.

''Y-yes!'' I shout; wiping away my tears.

I lay my head against the door; I was sitting up against it; as I began to sob into my knees.

These days; I've been feeling so sad; like such a crybaby.

Why the hell am I even crying??!

I... I know why I'm crying....

I slide to the floor; And I cry.

I cry because.... Tomorrow would Sunday; and after that would be Monday.

And... I would have to tell Eren...

____

After I dried off; put on my clothes- which was another long-sleeved shirt; But It was black, and had thin white lines on it; and some more Skinny-jean denim pants.

I didn't really like to wear things that other girls wore; Like, tight-skin pants, or anything that makes me uncomfortable.

Earlier; when I had came Into the house; Armin was about to break his promise.

I knew what he was about to say- And even If he hasn't going to tell Eren; he was going to say something that started with the letter P. And that was enough to make me paranoid.

I had gone through all of that; the unfortunate, Just to see Eren.

and I'll do It again; as long as It's for Eren, and Eren alone.

Cross my heart, hope to die.

To my lover, I'd never lie.

And I'll keep doing It.

When I got done getting dressed; I head downstairs, to the living room where Eren and Armin was.

They were eating Take-out; and It smelled delicious... But... I didn't have an appetite.

I just felt so sick, so terrible.

I can't stop thinking about Monday...

It was only two days away.... But this day would be over after we all go to sleep.

My shirt was a little short; and I'm glad I'm still in the first trimester of my pregnancy; So I wouldn't be gaining any weight any time soon. 

Lately, I've been reminiscing 

''Are you hungry?'' Eren asked me, Barbecue sauce on the corner of lips; It's so adorable.

I and Eren's relationship was very.... Complicated. I think... I'm... His girlfriend?

I don't know.... I really don't.....

I mean... I'm dating my teacher. I think... A-and.... I still have to go to school...

But... If I was so afraid of change; and I conquered that fear.... I know that I could overcome my fear of the whole school knowing about Him and I.

Why do I even care what everyone else thinks of me?

I don't. Not anymore... Maybe I feel a little Insecure about it. But I'm not afraid.

cause' I know Eren will be there with me every step of the way.

It's funny- It Is.

It went from meaningless sex, to meaningful love.

But... Was It meaningless, though?

I knew... That did that everything began between him and I... I knew that I was In love.

In love with those emerald eyes; that make me cry. In love with the way he makes me feel- In love with everything.

Those strange thoughts. They're back.

I'm not afraid of change.

''No... I-I'm not hungry...'' And, it's like my child doesn't want me in that room; Or... It's like.. When It heard Eren's voice... It knew that he was it's father.

I don't like calling my child an ''It''. I really don't...

But I don't know what to call her- I mean.. It.. 

If I call It a girl- What happens If It ends up being a boy.

If I call It a boy- and It ends up being a girl- What'll happen then?

I don't want to confuse It- or me... And... I know that It's still just an embryo; and not a complete baby yet, but... 

I'm just so happy right now...

I'm not afraid of change.

''Mikasa....'' Armin sighed; getting up from the couch to throw his tray away.

I didn't even want to be In the same room as Eren and Armin- It felt so awkward.

And any moment he could tell Eren... At any given moment.

I stepped back on the stair before the last one; holding onto the wall.

''What's wrong?'' Armin asked me; and I take another step backwards.

''Are you okay, Mikasa?'' Eren asked; brushing his messy hair out of his face.

Another step back.

''You still don't know?'' Armin took his seat next to Armin.

I pause. Looking Armin dead In his eyes.

''What? What don't I know?'' Eren confusedly asked; putting his tray to the side.

''Nothing..... You'll know soon.'' Armin was looking me dead In my eyes, as well.

People change. 

''I-I'm just... Tired... I'm going.. To bed..'' five more steps back- and I'm back up the stairs;

I listen for a while; 

''Goodnight, Babe!'' That voice belonged to Eren.

And I couldn't hear the rest; for whatever reason.

I go into the room on the left side of me; I and Eren's room.

____

Later on In the night; Eren had come to bed.

I knew... Because I hadn't really fallen asleep.

I couldn't.

And when I did; I kept dreaming the same dream.

I kept thinking that I heard Armin say those three dangerous words, and sixteen letters;

Mikasa.

Is.

Pregnant.

I kept listening for those words; And thankfully- I didn't hear them.

When Eren came In; he gave me a kiss on my cheek.

I opened my eyes; knowing that he knew I wasn't asleep; As I kissed him back.

The kiss got deeper; and deeper.

I pulled away; knowing where this was going.

But as quickly as I pulled away- I craved the taste of his lips again.

I'm never satisfied.

I always want more of him.

This bed... Is the place we loose ourselves...

I keep wanting more of him.

Light and dark; He holds me hard, and close to him.

He removes his shirt.

This bed Is the place where we loose ourselves.... the place that feels my tears;  
The place where I loose my fears.

 

Reckless behavior. sexual behavior.

''Mikasa. You are beautiful.'' he says; I hadn't realized that he removed my pants; nor my shirt- 

Can't seem to let him go.

''E-eren...''

Can't seem to hold him close.

''You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen before, In my life. I mean It, Mikasa. I love you.'' he kisses my lips once more before traveling to my breastbone.

Hold me close.

''I-I Love you, too... ah..!'' I gasp; feeling his tongue over my breasts.

I'm sorry for lying to you- You know I didn't mean It, though.

He goes lower.

Just hold me close.

I feel him insert himself into my most sensitive area; below.

Don't, don't let me go... Can't seem to keep you close; can't seem to let you go...

He thrusts; while he kisses me.

I can't do this- It Isn't right- I... I Can't let him go... I can't hold him close. can't let him go- but I can't keep him close... 

Another thrust; another moan.

Make It stop.

''E-eren... B-be g-gentle...'' I whimper; writhing in pleasure under him; gripping his toned arms.

It feels so good... I just can't take anymore...

He wouldn't be able to last long without touching me.... He won't be able to go that long without hearing my moans and whimpers.

Slow down, speed up, I don't know.... I don't know what I want....

''Mikasa...'' Eren groans;his arms around my head; and both sides.

But don't stop.... Don't move... Just keep It there.

The bed creaks; And the room Is filled with my moans.

I can listen to It all day- I can listen to his voice all day; Hear him all day.

''E-er... Er-en...''

We can start all over again, And again; do this all over again.

I cover my mouth; to devoid of moaning too loud- I didn't want to wake Armin up from his sleep. 

''Stop It, Mikasa.'' he moves my hand away from my mouth; kissing me instead.

Can you feel It, Eren? Can you feel my heart beating loudly for you? Can you feel this burning sensation from within?

''I don't want to miss a single thing; I wanna' hear your every moan.'' He growls; thrusting harder.

This Isn't right....He's too rough; too hard.

Go harder; go harder. Make me louder.- That's what my mind screams- that's why I keep thinking... I want It.

But I won't do that.

I have to take responsibilities; I can't say no. I can't reject. I can't disagree.

I.... Feel it all crashing down....I'm so lost....I'm so lost in your sound, Eren...

I feel myself approach my peak; driving closer to the edge.

Skin to skin; God as my witness, I want him.

Eren, Don't stop.

Don't ever stop.

soon; I reach my limit-feeling myself release.

And... I felt him release himself into me.

''....Eren...'' I kiss him; feeling the usual stomach pain return.

''How has your stomach been feeling? Does It still hurt?'' he brushes my cheek.

''I-It's... I caught the s-stomach f-flu... T-that's all...'' I lied.

I crossed my heart; I hoped to die; To my lover, I wouldn't lie. 

But... I'm lying to him, anyways...

I'm such a coward.

''Really? Well.... Do you know what's causing It to hurt like that?'' And I love the way he's concerned about me; I love everything about him.

But... I can't answer that question.

Because the pain that's causing It is miscarriages...

I can't answer that.

Because If I told him that the pain was miscarriages... He'd ask Armin what they were- If he didn't know. and Armin would certainly tell him what It was. 

I cannot answer that question.

Because telling him that I was suffering from a miscarriage- meant telling him that I was pregnant.

Yes, Eren- It does hurt. It hurts to lie to you, like this.

It hurts to break my promise that I made to you.

''N-no...'' I sit up; covering my naked breasts with the silk bed sheets; grabbing my black long-sleeved shirt; and putting It on.

He laughed; doing the same; but with his own shirt.

Same goes for our pants- we put those back on, too.

when we finished redressing; we got underneath the silk, warm covers, and stared into each other's eyes.

I Can't stop staring at those oceans eyes... Those beautiful eyes of his.

Burning cities; the color between blue and yellow in the spectrum; colored like grass or emeralds.

Like Fifteen flares inside those beautiful ocean eyes.

Your ocean eyes, Eren.

No fair, Eren... You really know how to make me cry... When you look at me with those eyes.

I'm scared.

How will you look at me when I tell you? When I tell you the truth.... How will you look at me then?

Will you still look at me the same way?

No fair... He really knows how to make me cry... looking at me like that.

I've never fallen from quite this high before.

But...I'm Falling into his eyes.

Those ocean eyes.

He kisses me once, and then again.

One on my lips; the other on my nose.

I've been walking through A world gone blind.... And... I Can't stop thinking of your diamond mind.

He puts words into my head; wild, wild thoughts into my mind.

''Mikasa-Your eyes - they're like two pools so deep I fear..... that if I dive in, I might never come up for air again. And your smile - the sun itself turns jealous and refuses to come out from behind the clouds, knowing it cannot shine as bright...'' He tells me; brushing a strand of hair from my eyes.

I was thinking the exact same thing.

''I love you, Eren... I belong to you; and you only.'' I whisper; feeling myself fall asleep. 

When people are In love.... Their minds think alike.

''I love you, too, Mikasa. And I'll never ever stop loving you.'' He moves closer to me; laying my head against his chest.

Will you still say that when I tell you the truth, Eren?

I fall asleep; Because I needed the rest. 

But I really fall asleep; because he Is the death of me.

________________________________________________________________________________

It was Sunday morning when I awoke to the bright sunshine coming from the window sill. 

Eren hadn't been next to me; I didn't know where he was.

Usually; I'd feel his arms around me; and his snoring.

He'd left a note beside the bed; on the desk that he and Armin went out to run a few errands; 

In the note, he said that he tried to wake me up; But I was sleeping like a rock.

That Isn't like me....

When I tried to get up; I felt that nausea kick in; and I knew I needed to go throw-up... To Vomit.

Morning sickness. Morning fatigue. Whatever you want to call It- I had It.

And I would continue to have it until my second trimester.

I crawled out of the bed; and into the hallway.

one I got into the bathroom; I didn't hesitate to heave the matter that wanted to come out.

Morning sickness sucks.

Having morning sickness means getting questions from both Eren and Armin.

I only had one more day to tell Eren; or Armin would do it, himself.

Why would Armin even do that?

When I finished; I grabbed a paper towel; and I wiped my mouth.

I went to the sink and grabbed my pink toothbrush; which had been In a different toothbrush cup than Eren and Armin's, Since I was the girl.

Colors don't really matter to me; so I was okay with pink.

I rinsed the toothbrush In the sink- when something caught my eyes.

It was some kind of a pouch; and it had a sticky-note with my name on It.

I opened It; and Inside of It was four items inside of small containers; 

Morning sickness relief medicine. 

Pregnancy bra solutions.

Soothing skin lotion.

embryo doppler.

Um.. I'm very, very grateful- But when did Armin have time to buy this?

I finish putting the toothpaste on my toothbrush; and I continued to brush It.

Spit,

rinse,

brush,

repeat.

When I finish; I gargle with some peppermint Listerine. then I exit the bathroom- Flushing the toilet before I leave, of course.

Today was Sunday.

Tomorrow would be Monday.

....I know what'll happen- I know what would happen.

I take the pouch into the bedroom; closing the door behind me.

I would have to return back to school.

I would have to return to school on Monday. bright and early.

Back to Annie... Back to those demons.

The demons that continues to haunt me each and every day.

I sat on the bed; feeling my stomach rumble In hunger and pain.

I open the pouch; and connect the embryo doppler to the it's mechanical parts- following the instructions.

When I finished; I saw a thin pad booklet, and the title of the book was ''Baby's development''.

Curious; I opened the book; and on the very first page.. It says many things about a woman's menstrual cycle, when it's a woman's due date... and things like that.

It wouldn't be my due date anytime soon- So I skip over that part.

I skim along until I find the table of contents; and I see, on page two-hundred- and -Eighty, that's where I'll find the page called ''Baby's development.'' 

I flip, skipping pages- until I've finally found It.

From there; there's many sections of weeks and months.

Eight weeks pregnant... No...

Five weeks pregnant.... No...

Ten weeks pregnant... Not...

Not yet.

One week pregnant.... Not anymore...

Two weeks pregnant.... Nope.

I finally found the page- The page that I were looking for.

''Three weeks pregnant...'' I read aloud; dragging my hands along the words of the book.

Baby's Length: Zero point Zero inches.Baby's Weight: Zero point Zero Oz.

 

The page also read;

'Your due date will be calculated from the first day of your last menstrual period. Conception occurs about two weeks from this day, and that's when you're truly considered pregnant. In just 40 short weeks, your baby will grow from the size of a tiny seed to the size of a plump watermelon.'

I was truly shocked at that- at everything I just read.

'Amazingly, your child's sex and all of her inherited genetic characteristics -- such as eye color, hair color, skin, and body type -- have been set since the moment of conception. Your developing baby, now called a zygote, has 46 chromosomes -- 23 from you and 23 from your partner. These chromosomes help determine your baby's sex and traits such as eye and hair color, and, to some extent, personality and intelligence. After fertilization, the ball of cells, now an embryo, will wrap up its journey through the fallopian tube and burrow itself into the wall of your uterus for nourishment -- a process known as implantation. If you're having multiples, the deed has already been done. Fraternal twins occur when two separate eggs are fertilized by two different sperm and each baby has his own placenta and amniotic sac. If one fertilized egg splits and develops into two fetuses, the result is identical twins. They may share a placenta, but each baby usually has a separate amniotic sac.'

But now, I was even more shocked; but I wanted to keep reading- to learn more about this.

The header title of the next page was ''Week three ultrasound''.

I continued to read;

'This week is when your pregnancy really begins. At some point, the sperm joins with the egg as it makes its way from the ovary through the Fallopian tube and then into the uterus. Fertilization takes place inside the Fallopian tube. Once together, the cells begin to divide rapidly so that next week, a sonographer may be able to capture baby-to-be's beginnings during an ultrasound examination.'

So basically... Eren's sperm was... Intertwining with my fertilization eggs?

That's.... Weird...

I continue on- hearing something downstairs.

The tittle of this page Is ''Mom's changing body.''

I really want to know about that.

'You may experience some light vaginal bleeding when your egg implants, which many women mistake for a period. In fact, spotting that's lighter than your usual menstrual flow is one of the early signs of pregnancy. Do give your doctor a call, however, if the bleeding is fairly heavy or you experience abdominal pain, like a sharp stabbing in your pelvis or even mild cramping on just one side. Although uncommon, these symptoms could indicate an ectopic, or tubal, pregnancy. This happens when the fertilized egg attaches itself somewhere other than the uterine wall -- usually in a fallopian tube. The most common causes of an ectopic pregnancy are inflammation of the fallopian tubes and an infection in the uterus, fallopian tubes, or ovaries.'

It's a good thing Eren called his father, the doctor, Over- otherwise I wouldn't have understood anything about what was happening.

And the book only confused me even more.

I close the book; hearing another noise from downstairs.

It was a knock at the door.

I knew who It was; Eren and Armin had finally returned home.

I quickly place the book back into the pouch- along with everything else; stuffing them back Inside- frantically.

I kick the pouch far under the large bed; hiding It.

I pretended Like I have just woke up- messing up my hair; dragging my hands through It.

I run down stairs; pretending to yawn; with sleepy eyes.

I slow down when I reach the door; as I drowsily walk to open It.

and immediately- They both shout surprise!- scaring me half to death.

''Happy birthday, Love!'' Eren excitedly shouts; 

''Happy birthday, Mikasa!'' Armin smiles; holding a white, rectangular box in his hands.

That's right.... It's my birthday today.

February tenth. 

and they remembered It....

''Go on, Open It!'' Armin tells me; nodding to the white rectangle box.

I receive the box from him; opening the lid-.

And I saw a beautiful, shiny black phone screen.

It was a big; expensive-looking phone; And It looked even better than the phone that I had bought myself.

''Y-you guys... You shouldn't have....'' I whisper; seeing my reflection on the phone's screen.

''We wanted to- Well, Eren really wanted to-''

''Shut up, Armin!''

I giggle; accepting my beautiful gift from my... Boyfriend... And my best friend.

________________________________________________________________________________

Some days... It's hard to see.

The scar I can't reverse... 

The more It heals... The worse It hurts.

''Mikasa.... How's your stomach feeling..?'' Eren asks me; as he twist the rod to close the blinds.

Again...

''I-It Still hurts... B-but I'm fine...''

It all fell...

''Oh, Okay- just making sure...'' He looks at his feet; thinking about something.

It all fell down....

''T-thanks... I'm fine, I promise...''

It all fell down...

''Yeah.. So um..'' He turns his head.

It all fell- It all fell down.

''Y-yes?'' I was about to walk out of the room.

It all fell... It all fell down. It all fell down. It all fell down.

''..Nothing...'' I knew something was on his mind;

It all fell down. It all fell down.

''...Eren... I know there's s-something b-bothering you... What Is It?'' I ask

It all fell... It all fell down.. It all fell down... It all fell- It all fell down.. It all fell.. it all fell down.

''When-uh...''

It all fell down- It all fell down- down- It all fell down- It all fell down-It all fell down.

''When what, Eren?''

It all fell...

''When were you going to tell me?'' He looks at me; with sad, ocean eyes.

It all fell down! It all fell down! It all fell down! It all fell, It all down!

''T-tell you w-what?'' I stutter; stepping back...

It all fell-It all fell-It all fell-It all fell- It all fell down- it all fell down- It all fell down- it all fell down. It all fell down.

''That..''

It all fell.

''That I what?!''

It all fell- it all fell down- it all fell down- it all fell down.

''When were you going to tell me that you were pregnant?''

it all fell down- It all fell down- IT ALL FELL DOWN-IT ALL FELL DOWN-IT ALL FELL DOWN.

''w--w-w-what? W-what?'' I stutter; feeling like a thousand knives have just got stabbed into my heart.

IT ALL FELL DOWN-IT ALL FELL DOWN-IT ALL FELL-IT ALL FELL DOWN-IT ALL FELL DOWN-IT ALL FELL DOWN-IT ALL FELL DOWN-IT ALL FELL DOWN.

AND ALL I GAVE YOU IS GONE!

''That hurts... You told Armin... But now me... That hurts, Mikasa.'' He looks at me. He looks at me with those beautiful eyes; that looked so sad because of me... That look he's giving me... It hurts!

TUMBLED LIKE IT WAS STONE!

''E-e-eren... I-I w-wanted t-t-to tell you..- B-but I c-couldn't!''

Eren- Don't look at me like that! Don't look at me like that!

It all fell down.

Will he still look at me the same way when I tell him?

Eren! Please... Don't look at me with such sad eyes!

It all fell.

Will he be angry at me?

Please... Don't be angry at me! Please!

It all fell down.

I'm afraid of change...

He's changing! He's slowly slipping away from me!

It all fell down... Tumbled like It was stone...

''Why couldn't you?! I'm a human being, too- I deserve to know!''

It all fell down... Tumbled like it was stone...

I thought we built a connection that heaven couldn't shake.

I thought we built a relationship like no one's ever made.

I thought we built a dynasty forever couldn't break up.

You really know how to make me cry.... When you look at me with those ocean eyes, Eren.

I'm scared.

''Eren... I-It Isn't t-that... I was just scared! Okay- I was scared!''I shout; Feeling that same pain that I had been feeling ever since it first began.

I grimace; standing against the wall.

''Scared? Of what?!'' He shouts,

Scared of those eyes.

scared of you.

scared of literally everything.

''Mikasa- I love you. And... I would never do anything to hurt you...''

I should have been brave; I should have told him...

''I hate to see you in pain; I don't like seeing you that way... So.. could you please just be honest with me?''

Because now; It's worse- It'll get worse.

''I may be a thick-headed idiot sometimes- But... I know that my feelings for you are true. I know that I would never get angry with you.''

I don't want him angry at me... I just wish he could understand why.

Those words have cut me.

They have cut me, deeply.

Those beautiful words; that I've been dying to hear; those beautiful words that sparked a fire In me.

Those beautiful words; that stabs me; Deeper than any blade ever could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow. My back hurts lol.


	9. Disconsolate; Lie To Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lies are like secrets... They can be harshly used against you.  
> Mikasa, unfortunately, learns that the hard way.  
> And so does Eren.

I'm cold.

"I've been feeling so small, Watch the clock ticking off the wall."

"But tonight I'm letting it go,  
Spend my coin for sure."

"I'm gonna be myself,  
Or I could be someone else,  
No one's stopping me now,  
I'm gonna skip my breaks,  
I'm gonna make mistakes,  
I just wanna feel alive."

The music continues. 

"It's just what I do when I'm out so try not to hold me down, Feel alive, When I'm in this town, Look at those beautiful stars,"

"I wanna drive a faster car,  
Nothing can break me."

Not stopping for a minute, the melody rages on with every beat, tossing and turning in between sound waves, creating such a Isolated tune.

"Look at those beautiful stars,  
I wanna drive a faster car-"

It's Raining.

"Lay my troubles to rest, Blow the smoke through my cigarette, City lights looking fine,And know that this is my time now..." some kind of weapon? Some kind of device that can be used against you?

A lie... Is something that Is not the truth. Something that is made of pure evil- A false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.

It's strange, really...How something so cruel could reside; how something could exist in such a world.

I've realized something. Something that I should have realized much sooner. 

This world is a cruel place. 

And even a well-lit place can hide salvation....the lost ones are the heroes, rather than the aware ones. The thieves are left to drown, and die.

But...what about the Liars? What about the sinners? Or the wrongdoers?

They burn in hell. 

Nobody will save you. They will only watch. Watch as you are unable to scream for your life; as you are trapped inside of your own body- rendering yourself helpless.

Nobody will relive your pain.

Nobody will help you.

But that doesn't surprise me one goddamn bit.

Everyone knows by now.... That fairy tales are never found. Nobody has a happy ending. Not on this damned earth.

Evading shadows lurking in every corner. 

I'm only one person. I'm only one human.

I can't hide it forever.

I couldn't hide it forever.

_______________________________________________

The rain slightly plops against the windshield, Interrupting Its' cycle of wiping Upon the passenger's window side.

I can't hear the music. Was it worth It?

I can't hear anything. And now... I ask myself... Was it worth it?

It was a disaster.

Plop, the rain drops. Again and again, and again. And at that moment... I felt a relation. As if the rain could feel my pain... As if it were speaking to me.

Let it go. I try to tell myself.

Let it go, I try to convince myself.

Before he came around... My heart would never beat much faster. When I was found... I felt like I could drain an entire ocean. I felt like I could breath again... For once in my life I was... So happy.

When I met him... I changed.

I was like a soul without sound... Empty and hollow. 

But... When I made contact with him... It was as if I could make the loudest sound.

With my heart still beating... Loud enough to quiet the striking thunder.

Let it go. 

Let it be.

We walk with our feet on the ground. We talk with our head in the clouds.

Let it go.

We can go higher, and higher, and higher.

We walk.

Let it go.

We talk.

Let it go.

I feel myself slowly start to drift asleep... My head throbs and aches in severe pain... Desolation immediately flowing through my veins. The pressure is unbearable. The pain is discomforting.

My lower back had even started to ache.

But then there's an even intense pain. Something far more worse.

Let it go.

But the more I tell myself to forget; the more I realise how badly I'm addicted. I love it when he touches me. I love the way he makes me feel.

He's like a drug. A drug that I'm so physically and spiritually addicted to. Even now... I'm begging for his interaction. I'm silently wishing for him.

I pretend not to be in pain, at least while we're in this car. 

I don't want them to be worried. I don't want Eren nor Armin to be worried. I've caused enough trouble for them enough already as it is.

It's cold.

I'm cold.

Everything is dazed in my vision. Everything is blurred out. 

I began to fade into my slumber, my head lightly falling against the tinted window. I close my eyes, my heart pounding as the pain never eases. I furrow my eyebrows from the pain, trying my hardest to ignore the cramping in my abdominal state.

Drifting softly asleep, something lingers in my mind.

Let him go. Forget him.

Forget him?

But I can't.

Because letting go... Means letting go off him.

I'm just not ready to do that.

___________________________________________________

"So...when were you going to tell me?" Eren asks, his thick brows furrowing in pure anger.

It felt like he had just lost all of his disconlation for me- as if he replaced that very same empathy for hatred.

The tension in the air was so humid, that I could even feel it slip between my fingers like a melody.

"I-I was g-going to tell you... But-" I try to explain, shivering and stuttering between words. 

What Is wrong with me? Why am I so afraid?

Is it because of stress? Or Pain? 

Honestly... Hell if I know anymore. Everything's all jumbled up. I can process anything right now.

"-You were going to tell me? When?!" He yells, slamming his fist into the wall next to him.

I don't get it.

Why is he so angry at me?

"I didn't k-know what what I w-was thinking!" I exclaim, grasping my aching stomach in agony.

I slide against the wall, getting lower and lower as I feel my knees grow weaker and weaker with every breath I take.

I'd expected him to have calmed down, or show me the least bit of pity.

But no. It's just not in his bloodline.

I cry out in undying groans of despair and agony.

"I can't believe this! Look at how much pain you're in!" He fumes; pacing around in a circle, brushing back his silky brown hair before he stops to say something else-

But I don't give him that chance.

"I'm-I'm not In that much p-pain," I Lied. 

"Don't Lie To Me." He says simply, which scares me.

I don't get it.

"It's obvious you're in pain. Its been obvious all this time, actually."

I'm unable to say anything- In fact, the only thing I can hear right as if now is the rapid beating of my heart.

The only thing I can feel is the breezy winds from the open widow blowing, and swerving against my Hair.

"You... Told Armin rather than me..The father of your child..." And at this point, I can hear the stinging distress wrenching in his voice... The quiet tears that fall free.

His words persist in my mind. Specifically, one word.

I hurt him.

"D-don't p-put this all o-on me..." I began, stuttering, "Y-you have n-no Idea the t-things...the thoughts... I-I Have T-to go through every-" I grasp harder onto my stomach, a Loud gasp escaping my glossy lips, but I don't let the pain stop me "-everyday...To k-keep myself from g-goin crazy!" I force the last word out, harshly between my gritted teeth.

He seems taken aback, and shocked.

But it's true.

Everyday, I fight against my thoughts, I talk to myself in my head as if there were a person in my mind.

It seems as if I'd only made the situation worse.

It wouldn't be the first time.

"What else are you hiding from me?" He pleads, in a voice I can't recognize.

I can't say anything anymore- I can't even breathe. Desperately, I gasp for air- I try to form words that won't leave my tongue.

This isn't how it was suppose to be...

This isn't right...

Lie To Me.

Deep down Inside of me... Lives a voice, a voice so quiet, that whispers things.

But I can't hear the voice when his tears drop to the palms of his hands.

I want nothing more than to hug him; to tell him that He's the only one I love.dy else.

I can't quit him.

Not now, not ever.

I'm going to regret it. But I don't care.

He needs me, and I need him. It's just as simple as that.

____________________________________________________

I'm cold.

I awake to a cold, dark place, with strangely dim-orange lights.

My clothes... What's going on? I realize that I'm wearing a light blue dress with white diamonds.

I'm confused.

The dimly-lit lights flicker light green, then back to orange.

I look below at my feet... And it occurs to me that I'm on top of wide, long tracks.

Train Tracks.

The Tracks is humongous, as it spreads gracefully.

Its beautiful.

I see a person walking... Slowly towards me, with such sad, broken eyes.

He gets closer, and closer, and closer. I can't move, even If I wanted to. My legs felt like bricks fusing together, rendering me still in that spot.

When he gets closer... He just stands there. He doesn't hurt me.

He grabs my hands in his-

He looked familiar...not breaking contact as my eyes follow his.

It's him!

"Will you Marry me, Mikasa Ackerman?" He kisses my hands, with such sad eyes.

What's going on...?

"Do you agree to be my wife?" He asks grasping my hands tighter."

This has to be a dream...

"Please, say yes...be my wife" he pleads.

It feels like a dream... This isn't real....

He... Asked me to be his wife...? 

Why can't I say anything!? Why can't I move?!

All of a sudden, the air isn't cold anymore... But rather hot and humid, making it harder, and harder for me to breathe anymore.

A tear drops from one of his eyes, and as if on cue, a wave of swift, salty tears erupt from my glassy eyes.

"Don't leave me-" he cries pulling me down lower and lower.

I close my eyes, trying to wake up from this terrible Iredeemable nightmare.

Something's not right... 

I need to wake up!

If I keep my eyes closed he looks just like Eren, but he'll never stay. He never does.

But if I keep my eyes open he feels just like Eren...But it's not the same.

"No! I don't want to marry you!"

It isn't him. 

I feel like something is about to happen. Something bad. 

These voices won't leave me alone.

His hands were the first to disintegrate, into particles that roamed into the air, before the rest of his body- and my hands being laced around his almost disappeared, before I pulled them away.

I have no Idea what's going on.

But have I ever?

I can hear a sound in the distance. Not soon after, I can feel low rumbles against the tracks, hustling over.

As if it were a heavy whisper undulating down.

Whatever it is, It comes fast, quick, and In a hurry.

It occurs to me...

Since I'm on a track...made for trains...

It's only natural that a train should drive on its' tracks, right?

Or could it be something else?

My suspensions were confirmed, because there it was, a large, substantial, Flaxen train heading towards me at full speed.

It continues.

Without hesitation, I began to run forward, trying my hardest to get away!

My bare feet grind against the metal tracks, awakening a burning new pain to my feet. I grit my teeth, knowing that I had to keep going.

My body temperature rising within ever step that I take.

My lungs desperately breathing from exhaust and irritation.

I don't want to die..

But I can't outrun a train.

There's so much I still have to do...

I can only go so far on foot.

I still have to-

And just like that... I awoke in the backseat of the car just as I were about to die.

My heart had been pounding much faster than before.

It was the most realistic dream that I've ever had...

I'm just glad I was able to wake up.

Finally, the temperature of my body had supposedly lowered to its' original state.

We'd finally arrived to our destination.. We were going out to Eren and Armin's family party.

Both families were colliding in one building, and there were even more families as well. People that I didn't even know.

My family won't be there.

They don't exist.

Armin and Eren had been talking about things. Though, I have no Idea what. Since I'd been trapped in my own dream...

I'm surprised they haven't asked me if I were okay.

I look out the window, and by the doors of the entrance, were Cups full of roses.

Disconsolated roses.

_________________________________________________

"Are you sure you'll be alright? Armin inquired from the passenger's seat.

"Yeah- It seems the pain finally subsided" I Lied, trying my best to hold back a gasp of pain, giving him a laugh as if to say 'Everything's fine'.

Surprisingly enough, he believed me.

I can tell Eren didn't like Armin asking me that particular question from the way he looked at me, sending shivers down my spine.

"...That's great!" He happily replies, smiling.

I nod, smiling as well-  
how close they are.

I remember I had something almost Identical to theirs... I remember I had a best friend. 

Her name was Annie Leonhardt.

Even if it wasn't permanent, it was the closest thing to friendship that I could get.

"Yeah. It's fantastic. Wonderful." Eren sarcastically says, looking straight into armin's eyes, his body turned towards him.

I turn my head to look out of the window, not wanting to look at Eren any longer.

They both stepped out of the car to prepare an umbrella for me.

I took this as my chance to let out all the suppressed pain that I'd bottled up inside of myself.

Desperately grasping onto my stomach, wheezing, yet rapidly breathing in and out way too fast, I slide off the seat and onto my knees.

I swallow, gritting my teeth afterwards.

I heard Eren's voice from around the corner, strong, firm, and bold.

I knew that It was time to leave now, 

I quickly owned the car door, pretending to be as happy as possible.

that It was time for me to go inside that strange building,

They put the umbrella over my head, careful not to get me in the rain, and walked me into the building.

 and tell a bunch of meaningless lies.

I have to play the game.

I have to pretend.

When we enter the building, my abdominal desolation becomes Inadequately painful.

This was going to be even worse than I thought.

I felt ... That the little one growing in my womb was trying to tell me something.

The truth is out there... And It hurts.

_____________________________________________________

As if on cue, a crowd of middle-aged people all shouted "Welcome home!"

Armin laughs, "Oh, you guys! Thank you so much!" Giving his grandfather a hug.

Armin knew his mother and father were still so very far away from the border of Trost, he knew they were still trying to invent planes that can help people travel.

Yet apart of him was still hoping that his parents would be there to hold him.

"Granddad, where's mom and dad?" He walks with his grandfather to the drink section of the house.

"Lad, they still haven't made it back from Ragako district." He sighs in dissatisfaction.

Armin knew he were going to say that, just like he always does. "Ah, I see...-"

Armin was about to ask another question, until he spotted Eren's Father, Grisha.

He and Grisha had some catching up to do.

I'd just taken a seat on the couch next to a boy with auburn-blonde hair.

I brushed a strand of hair behind my ear as I soon realize who it is.

An old friend.

It doesn't take him long to recognize me, either.

"Mikasa. " He says, folding his arms as he shakes his head.

"You're still looking sexier than ever." He tells me, playing with a strand of my hair.

I don't want to hurt him. But there are so many lives I can give a damn about. If he wants compassion, he needs to move on. If he wants fair, then tough shit.

I grab his hand firmly, squeezing it without making any effort.

"Let my hand go, you Slut!!" He tries to pull away, but it doesn't help him.

Not soon after, I let him go, as he immediately got up to try and punch me- but someone was there to stop him.

It was Eren.

"I think it's about time for you to go home now." Eren angrily, grabbing the boy's fist harshly.

The boy says nothing and yanks his hands out of Eren's. He walks away, not forgetting to grab his coat on the way out.

Eren was about to sit down next to me, until a woman with back-length Dark brown hair, and flaxen eyes approached him.

She looked so much like him.

"Eren." The woman says, embracing him for a tight, motherly hug. He hugs her back too.

"Look at how much you've grown!"

Oh, no.

The contraptions swirling in my stomach arise unpleasently, in a wavor of a swift motion.

I clutch the pained area, gritting my teeth, hard.

I guess he and his mother heard it, but why wouldn't they?

"Oh, dear, are you alright?" His mother asks, politely pushing her son out of the way, to sit next to me.

"I'm okay-"

"She's not okay." Eren and I both say at the same time.

Why?

Why did he have to say that?

I don't understand.

"Dear, what's wrong?" His mother asked.

"Mom, she's-" but I give him a look, of sadistic dreams.

I beg him not to, not to say it.

And he doesn't. Instead, he just walks away, possible to find Armin.

"If there's something wrong, you can tell me." She explains, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

We've only just met and she trusts me already.

But I trust her as well.

"Don't tell me you're pregnant!" She jokes, but after a short while, she replaces her joking face with a more stern, serious expression. "You're way too young, dear. But if you are, then I'm happy for you." She explains.

"Ah- N-no I'm not pregnant."

Liar.

"Nothing's wrong."

Liar.

"I'm not in pain".

I Lied.

"But... Mrs Jaeger..-" I say, brush a lock behind my hair, turning to her direction.

-"Please. Call me Carla," she giggles. "Dear, what's your name?" She asked, in a sweet, motherly tone.

"M-mikasa...Mikasa Ackerman." I stutter, in a wavor of agony. Luckily, she didn't notice.

Or she did, but didn't say anything.

I'll never know.

"Um... Carla?" I ask, she hums sweetly in reply.

I have to Lie.

I need to Lie.

"I have... This friend, she's pregnant- But she's having m-miscarriages..." I pause, biting my lower lip in deep thought. "S-she doesn't know what to do anymore.... And the p-pain is just unbearable for her."

I pause for a brief moment.

The only question I am capable of asking...

"What does It mean?" 

______________________________________________________

Armin had already gotten caught up with Grisha, so he went to go talk to the other guests in the building.

He already had a few drinks, and Eren had already talked to his father.

But Armin really wanted to talk to Eren, and vice versa.

Armin found Eren  leaning against the porch's rails. He'd been looking at the stars for half an hour.

And that's unlike Eren.

"How do you feel about being a father?" Armin asks him leaning against the rail.

Truth be told; Eren didn't know how he felt.

Apart of him felt as if he were extremely happy, but the other half of him felt sad and angry.

But when it comes right down to it, he was happy. Happy to have created life with his one and only true love.

"Does it matter?" Eren says not making eye contact.

"She's been in so much pain lately... I just wanted to comfort her." Armin sighs-

But Eren doesn't let it go easily.

"Comfort her? How can you comfort her?" Eren fumes, almost yelling but not quite.

"By talking to her. And listening to her." Armin simply says, "talking helps-"

"But-" eren tries to say, until he's interrupted by Armin's righteousness.

"Talking. Helps, Eren. You should try it." With that, Armin turns on his heels and back Inside the building.

Much later, Eren does too.

_______________________________________________________

Those words wouldn't leave my head, I just kept thinking about it over, and over.

Over and over... Why does this keep happening?

In the drink area, I take a sip of Light-Wine, gulping and chugging every sip, all the while thinking about what Carla said to me.

I had been so caught up in my own thoughts, That I hadn't even realized when Eren stepped into  the room.

And as soon as he did, it was as if he was enraged.

Is it something that I did?

"What are you doing!?" he snaps, not showing the least bit of empathy.

But I'm confused.

I don't get it.

I don't understand.

He doesn't hesitate to fiercely grab the cold drink out of my hand, and furrow his brow annoyance.

But then it occurs to me...

Does he know?

"Why would you do that?!" he began, "What the hell were you thinkin?" he yells, staring into my eyes- and at that exact moment, It seemed like he could see right through me, like he could see into my soul.

I'm not sure if anyone heard his loud way of showing his anger, but as I said earlier, 

I'll never know.

"W-whats t-the big d-deal? It was only a L-little bit..." Stuttering, Ibrush a stran of hair away from my eyes.

Maybe he doesn't know....

"The big deal?" he starts, and I can tell He's annoyyed by my defiance.

"The big deal is that You're pregnant,"

But am I?

Am I really?

"You're in enough pain as it is"- he sighs, finally calming down "And drinking is the last thing that you need, right now-"

"You're w-wrong..." I snap in reply, now able to face him.

My demon.

He's taken aback by this.

I guess the wind from outside must have circulated towards the room's s door, seeing how it had been pushed completely ajar.

Sadly, the wind failed to make the room less hotter than it already was.

"What?-" he tries to ask,

"D-don't a-ask me that q-question!" I shout before he can even say anything else, as I lean onto the countertop.

"See- You're always keeping things from me," he says "You always secrets!" 

I flinch back, as I shake my head in defiance.

You see, Eren...

"Y-you don't u-understand...-"

I don't want to say those words...

"Then help understand! I Can't understand you if you don't tell me things!" he fumes-

Because it hurts... It hurts so, so much. Even worse than the pain that I go through each day.

I know he cares, I know he just wants to know- to understand... So... "It's nothing.... J-just L-let it be..." I whisper, unaware of the silent tears I'd dropped.

I know he Doesn't mean to pressure me- "That's a lie... You're lying." he began, "Mikasa... If you won't be honest with me, then you should just Lie to me." He sighs angrily, grabging a drink from the countertop as well.

"I can't t-tell you..-" I say,

"And why can't you?!" he shouts, demanding an answer.

But I don't answerhim, I don't reply. Im unable to form any words.

Lastly, he  turns away, about to leave the drink room .

He's leaving?

He's leaving me all alone In this humid room.. A He's leaving me behind.

Every bone in my body refuses to move, even an inch. Yet my whole body wants him to stay.

My heart aches.

My mind throbs.

All of my Humanity? Gone.

All the worlds' in my head? Nonexistent.

"It... It's dying... " I whisper, sobbing and sniffing.

Upon hearing my voice, he stopped in his tracks, 

"What?" he confusedly asks, looking directly at me. "what does that mean?" he asks, now worried.

But he knows what it means.

"It means... I-I can't anymore! I... Lost it!!" I shout, grasping my pained abdomen.

And It's at this moment... That he realizes what I mean, what I'm talking about.

A Disconsolate dream... That doesn't end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im srry if there are any typos... I am currently going through my story, now, as we speak.

**Author's Note:**

> So What'd you think?


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